Possible minor injury

Clubber, I’ve read this entire thread top to bottom. I feel your pain bud. I don’t know you, but I hope you can muster up the courage to get yourself better. Seek help if you need it. I’ve definitely had my own depression episodes, I’ve thought about ending my life more times than I care to share. I’m a very solitude type of person, so I’m almost always alone and when I get attached to someone my anxiety sets in that they don’t care and that they are just using me etc. That everyone would be better off if I wasn’t around, all that stuff.

The one thing I’ve learned is that there really is no one that will always be there for you except for yourself. To be honest that’s ok when you are able to accept that reality. I hope you stay on the right track. I’m not a religious person but I do believe that everyone has a reason to exist, we just may not know what it is yet. One of my closest friends from my teenage years blew his brains out several years ago and I think about him every day. I figured out my role in life for now is to be there for people who can’t be there for themselves. Maybe it’s my way of coping with things but it helps a lot. Sorry I’m rambling now.

As far as PE is concerned man, just don’t do it anymore. You have to be in the right frame of mind to be able to in the first place. Your current stats are almost what I’m striving for. That’s a pretty good size. It’s better to have a good sized dick that works than a dick that doesn’t work. Maybe a few years from now you can revisit the idea, but you gotta have the mindset to do so. PE can’t be driven by fear. I Hope everything works out for you. I’m sure you will heal up enough to have a normal sex life. There is a good chance that a lot of the pain you experienced and are experiencing now is psychological. You gotta do what you can to try and take your mind off it for a while.

You’d be amazed how much the human body wants to heal. As you said though, you gotta nurture it and care for it. Feed it right. Be kind to yourself. Physically and emotionally. Speak kindly to yourself. Sometimes we talk to ourselves in such a negative and disrespectful way. If you speak that way to others they’d be upset, yet we do it to ourselves all day long. Be gentle. Encourage yourself. Don’t put yourself down. It’s not nice : )

As for your injury, look into a high dose fish oil. Viva naturals is good. High DHA is good. Also vitamin d3, tumeric, liquid echinacea, kyolic garlic, magnesium and iodine. Saw palmetto may help too. Look up erosets vein oil. Good vasodialators which bring healthy blood into the area. Test it on another body part though. Some people have sensitive skin and may need to leave out certain essential oils. DO NOT PE! I know it’s hard. I understand you have an addictive personality.

As far as that goes I can say it can get better. You can get passed it. You may slip up. Just be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself! Keep going. There is light at the other end! You’d be amazed.

Good luck. Keep us updated and feel free to vent. Be talking to ya later.

I noticed a few replies. I honestly do not know if people are paying attention to my story closely, as I am in a delusional stupor coming off the meds. I’m doing better. Way better. I’ve been coming off the meds slowly. I make daily micro-cuts/reductions using a lab-grade balance. The majority of the pain pretty much went away about a few weeks ago as I was lowering Librium. Coincidence? I just keep falling forward now. I don’t go backwards and focus on going in the direction that suits me best. I’m not religious but I am very spiritual. More so than ever. I also have the ability to send messages to my sister and a couple friends by some form of ESP or telepathy. I can only confirm my sister for sure. We have the ability to sense when something is wrong with each other. I was giving her nose bleeds when I would get urges to commit suicide. I really don’t get the whole suicide thing anymore. I believe my sister did save my life by texting me at 12:48am that night because I was in a black hole.

The pain is very psychological and the drugs that I take cause severely unusual psychosomatic responses to pain. Benzos make nerve pain horrendously bad. It was almost as if the nerve cells in my penis were conscious. These drugs work really well when you first start taking them. I had a shady doctor that just kept prescribing them to me. He lost his medical license for overprescribing meds actually. After that doctor, I started seeing an addictionologist.

Before the injury, I had different chronic pain issues, starting in 2013 when my mom got diagnosed with cancer. It started with a horrible stomach ache that wouldn’t go away. Then other things. After my mom passed, a few months later, I got this injury on Thanksgiving. Is it a coincidence? I don’t think so. Also, I’ve never been right sexually after becoming addicted to porn and joining this forum in 2008 after starting Suboxone. I used to snort heroin on/off from 2003-2008. Then when I went on Suboxone, I just started focusing on my size and my seemingly inadequate dick head. Is it a coincidence that I injured my dick head, which is small btw, like 4-4.5” in girth? I don’t want to feel inadequate anymore. I want to do PE again one day but not like I did before. If you know me on TP from 2008, you may have caught on, that I would like to have sex with prostitutes because I could control my PE better. I would like to pump before being with a woman, on prostitutes made this easier. I can’t live like that anymore.

I take all sorts of supplements. I probably spend $5000 a year on the best supplements money can buy. They do help tremendously. I’m not going to lie. I started using Thorne Research. Nicotinamide riboside and magnesium l-threonate are nice. I use WHC UnoCardio omega 3 fish oil. It works well.

If I hit a rough spot in life. I stop taking supplements. If something happens when I face I crisis. I usually will start smoking cigarettes and basically not eat much. I just skip meals and smoke and take certain drugs and stop taking supplements because I’m afraid it will give me cancer or something. I need to stop doing this in order to finish my taper. I’ve been trying to get off benzos for 2 years.

The pain is way better and I am not focused on it anymore. Sometimes I ask myself if it is even real. Hopefully, I can figure this all out soon. I’m not sure if celibacy is the right thing for me but I really would have to find the right woman. I just think of people that I admire who were celibate and did great things. Like Nikola Tesla and the Dalai Lama. I have wasted so much time and energy on my dick and sex. I really would like to learn how to channel my sexual energy and use it to focus on creativity or spirituality. I am more than a dick and this experience has made me realize that. If I do PE again, I need to approach it differently. But I really would like to just axe sex from my life completely and channel the energy into greatness if it were possible.

I’ve been doing yoga as often as possible after downloading this app called Man Flow Yoga. I just look at the pictures of the poses and skim the instructions. It really has been a game changer for my overall health and has kickstarted the healing process. I have a big mirror that I do it in front of. My flexibility is much better after a few weeks. I do this every day and meditate.

That’s good to hear. Sounds like you are feeling good about your direction.

Yes. I’ll get my life together and forget about the injury and put faith in my body to heal itself. This is most likely completely blown out of proportion. I was using drugs for many years self medicating depression and anxieties and then my mom got cancer. I fell apart after that. My body started to betray me. It led me down this path.

I don’t want to come off as saying that I’ve been there in any way. I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough time. I can slightly relate to the psychological side if things as far as the brains ability to cause pain.

I had my time with drugs myself although I never got addicted to anything other than alcohol. Somewhere along the line I started having panic attacks while high (usually just pot, acid gave me a panic attacks top). Then one day I had a panic attack stone sober. After that it was like a cycle. I’d drink to kill the anxiety, then it’d wear off and I’d have worse anxiety.. Etc

Anyways during the panic attacks I’d get some crazy sensations. Heaviness or pain in my chest, numb tingling arms, blacking out type feelings. Felt like a stroke or heart attack. As I was coping I’d try to remind myself that it’s just anxiety and that I’ve felt these things before. But just as I did this the sensations would change just enough to be “new” and thus making be question if this time was the actual heart attack.

I mean think about it. Your brain is where you would experience any injury anyway. The injury could long heal but your brain could still have a rut formed in those pathways. Not saying anything regarding your specific case just an observation of the role of the mind in all this.

I think it’s great that you’re getting clean. I feel much better without being buzzed off alcohol all day. I don’t really get panic attacks anymore. The occasional up swell of anxiety but nothing like it was.

Best of luck. Use this thread or start a log for your progress in life! Exercise and eat healthy. The difference that will make can’t be overstated. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

Thank you Lilhelp. I question all the time how much of this pain is just a mind fuck and how much of it is tissue damage. I really don’t know.

***IMPORTANT*** I noticed something today I think. I don’t know why it has taken me this long to notice. It may be because I’m getting off the drugs….but there is something on the glans. The skin doesn’t look normal in the area where the injury occurred. It looks like a band of scar tissue. It is not that noticeable though. I shined a flash light on it. I’m going to keep an eye on it. I rubbed some emu oil on it. It looked really fucked up. I thought maybe my dick is dirty and I cleaned it with soap and water…. and I can still see this band of scar tissue, that is the same color as the rest of the glans. What is this? A form of Peyronies maybe?

It’s like in the left-center. Is this scar tissue? This is the exact spot where the injury happened too. What should I do if this is scar tissue?

I just started putting emu oil on it daily, followed by vitamin E oil….I’m thinking about adding a dab of castor oil now. It looks better after a few days. I don’t know if this will help. It isn’t easy to notice what I’m seeing in the picture’s I posted. I’m coming off benzos and opiates right now, so I’m trying not to take myself too seriously by practicing kindness. I think this will go away with time as I heal. Not sure if I will be able to do PE again but then again, once my mind heals….the body will follow. Dabbing these oils is annoying though. I have to basically sit naked in my room waiting for everything to dry and absorb. It also feels like something is happening. The neuropathy symptoms change once the oil is placed on. I think about it more so I’m not sure what the mind is doing here. Pain is very weird. This injury baffles me.

So, putting the emu oil on, then vitamin E oil, and finally castor oil seems to be helping a lot. The overall appearance of the skin looks much healthier and I feel less inflammation and pain in the area. I’ve been tinkering with the idea of giving up meat for a while. I’m going to begin the transition to a vegan lifestyle asap. I don’t know how long it will take but I just think it is the way to go. Get off all these medications and giving up meat or most of it anyway. Just not really sure what I can eat and be satisfied. I consume too much protein and eat meat constantly. It needs to stop.

Keep it up mate, you have the right attitude, you will get well.

I’d keep applying the oil but also with an active mind to apply it and forget it. Easier said than done but remind yourself that worrying about it will absolutely not change anything. It accomplishes nothing except to increase cortisol and anxiety haha. Just relax. Focus on other areas of your life.

Be grateful for a roof and clean water. Let your mind be thankful for the things we take for granted. We miss so much to be thankful for! I think our minds tend to focus on the negative. That’s good when the negative is a snakes den or cliff near a path we travel often. It serves a purpose in other words. It’s just that the same thing that keeps us from making the same mistake twice also analyzes, to extreme degrees in some of us, things that we should forgive, let go of, release…etc. We make ourselves miserable focusing on the negative. Like with anything it takes practise and effort to be thankful.

I’ll give an example from my experience. So I get frustrated when I can’t sleep. I watch the clock, count the hours. Get upset that I’m not going to be rested. Yet, instead I could just let it go. Relax. Enjoy a comfortable bed. Enjoy air conditioning. Enjoy no bombs going off or gunfire from nearby conflict. Enjoy not being in horrible pain. Enjoy and be thankful.

Anyways thanks for the updates. Be talking to ta later.

Thanks for the encouragement capernicus1. Lilhelp, thank you for the guidance by reminding me what I need to do. I need to be more grateful. Being on medications has prevented me from healing unfortunately. I realize that more and more as I get lower and lower on the dosages. I’ve developed a consistent yoga and meditation routine that has helped immensely. I don’t focus on how well I do yoga or meditate either. I keep evolving though. Through being alone I have learned a lot about love too by separating my ego from my soul. Through the process of near, complete self annihilation, I have had to learn to be kind to myself, to put myself back together from this. I have come apart before and put myself back together but not like this. Because I have completely come apart from this experience. I can honestly say, I am a changed man and I can see a much different and brighter future for me when this is over. I’ve been holding my doses for the past week but I’m ready to go in the trenches tomorrow. As it stands. 8mg Librium, 0.5mg Suboxone, 500mg Phenibut and 1500mg Gabapentin. I really am itching to get off Librium and Suboxone asap. Benzos are tough for me. I’m tired of thinking about my death every day. I’m planning on going on a vacation this December. I want to go to Iceland. I read that December in Iceland is pretty cool. I just want to see the northern lights and go to the Blue Lagoon.

Things seem to be getting much better since I started regularly using emu, castor, and vitamin e oils. I masturbated twice last night and felt no physical discomfort after words. A few nights ago, I woke up around 4am dry humping a balled up blanket on my bed, sleeping sideways….I thought for sure I would have pain from this and that it would aggravate it but it didn’t really. Just very subtle discomfort. I’ve been dealing with a lot of withdrawal symptoms from tapering, so considering all that….my dick is looking much much better. I’m very lucky. I just need to go toward the light now, in the direction that suits me the best, leave my dick alone and keep putting the oils on, and get off these miserable drugs. I’ll update the thread as soon as I make some more progress. This next month will be challenging. I’m at the lower end of Librium, Suboxone, and Phenibut. And I’m tapering off around 1500mg of gabapentin. So, basically very low doses of those and a high dose of gabapentin. I can’t taper the gabapentin too quickly until I get off the others but I am still lowering it a little every day. I’m just trying to be as safe as possible with this taper because I don’t want to end up going crazy again or get a seizure or brain damage by over exciting neurons coming off this shit too quick. The outcome seems grim for some people who cold turkey off benzos. I just want the nightmare to end. I’m fortunate that the nightmare is turning beautiful again and I’m able to find some peace but it takes a lot of effort. I want to step up the yoga and meditation, fine tune my diet, take less supplements and drugs asap. I take too many extra supplements/drugs to attenuate my WD symptoms. I would like to eat a plant based diet and limit meat and dairy consumption until I can eliminate most or all of it. It just seems like people who eat plant based diets consistently get through this much easier.