Dick Control: A Primer

Very well written.

Awesome article!
I’ve always had problems with premature ejaculation.
I put it down to the first wave of Internet porn on top of a sensitive penis ;)

Been doing kegel for a while but always seem to get worse for me.
I read somewhere to be patient, and on reflection I have been over-doing it.

So while I rest up, this is perfect for me to learn the other parts of the puzzle.
Tried spreading last night, felt pretty good.
Don’t think I got all the energy to spread, a minor portion stayed at the groin area but I guess that’s down to practice.

What you said about reframing makes a lot of sense too. New memories lead to new reactions.

Thanks Cheeva!

Actually, it’s even more radical than this. It becomes about you being worthy to be fully you at all times instead of giving even as much as a flying shit about anyone else’s opinion or reality for that matter.

It’s so very freeing (and not just on the subject of “semen retention”). It’s about wanting to be as much as you can of the grand being you truly are in any given moment, that you don’t even care about all the, for lack of a better word let’s call it “negative programming”, that’s still rummaging about in about anyone’s head (and again, that’s not just on the subject of “semen retention” or “going on forever”).

When you stop succumbing the urge to satisfy others, you are free to be satisfied and live a satisfying life for the only reason that ever made any sense: ‘tis you ! ;)

Anyways, enough of this lifestyle “shit”.. With the end of this sentence I’ll go back to succumbing to satisfy others again (for up to 2 seconds for the rest of my life).

Have a good day :)
Ys

This question was sent to me in a PM. I’m posting it here with permission, along with my response.

I don’t think it’s either good or bad—it’s just part of the process of learning about your own unique sexual response patterns as you train and practice. If you had been edging for a while before going over the PONR and doing the pulling kegel, you might have had some semen already "loaded" in your urethra that was expelled as you went over (I discuss this a little bit in Ballooning Demystified). It also sounds like it might have been a blended partial ejaculation/partial orgasm. I can’t honestly tell you definitively what exactly happened, since everyone is different. The main thing is to just keep practicing and figure out what works for you.

I do think that continuing to strengthen the BC and pelvic muscles will help, along with practicing doing the Great Seal right at the PONR. Also, try doing the pulling kegel and moving into the Great Seal before you get to the PONR and ride over while already completely contracted.

But this starts getting into dry orgasms and multiorgasms, which is really beyond the scope of this thread.

Good luck!

Sir Cheeva:

I noticed when I first ran into this thread and tried it out a couple days ago that my BC Muscle contracts on both forward and backwards strokes to the penis head-even if the stimulation just began. I then tried to use the muscle that forces urine out with more force while ejaculating and I was shocked by the feeling and accidentally let it go. I was wondering if that could become an ejaculation technique to take the stress off the BC Muscle for longer lovemaking times and higher quality erections (shortening the refractory period) and secondly, is the automatic/subconscious BC contractions controllable by the mind or just working on what’s in this thread. (I’m still reading it over to get more of a feel of what is listed in this thread before resuming it)

StiffBatter,

Some of what you wrote does not make sense. The idea of this thread is to say that orgasm (or pleasure) and ejaculation is not the same. You do not have to ejaculate to enjoy sex, nor should you ejaculate multiple times per night. Once you figure how your dick works with this technique, one time per night (or none at all) will be plenty. You will wear out your woman before you decide that it’s time to ejaculate. Or you might want to give her a break for half an hour and continue later again.

No ejaculation on your part is required, or will be desired once you learn this technique. In fact, maybe Cheeva could chime in, I personally do not feel that ejaculation is all that great. After I have learned to have sex for hours ejaculation became just a little topping on the cake. If you had a good meal already and are full then you can skip the dessert. Then you will get hungry for another session sooner, and will be in a much better shape too.

I think you’ve pretty much summed it all up!

My point was about controlling myself to last longer-I had two questions on it. I ejaculated because I wanted to see if I could take the stress off the BC, it just popped in mind and I did it. As I said I was still reading.

In order to last longer you should not ejaculate. The beginners always ejaculate too early. The only certain way that I know of to tell that I ejaculated not early is by a feeling of increased overall energy after ejaculation. Or at least no decrease in energy. I sometimes laugh for no reason, as if I am high, which feels pretty cool.

When you have to ejaculate, the “Multiorgasmic Man” book recommends to ejaculate in a relaxed manner. Sort of do not shoot, let it dribble. I personally think it’s a matter of preference. Some times it feels good to let it dribble and ejaculate “just a little”, and some times it feels good to point and shoot. If you let it dribble and ejaculate “just a little”, then your refractory period will be shorter. But guys here who use this technique do not worry about refractory periods anymore. Mine is actually quite long. So I schedule this refractory period for when I am asleep, or when I am at work and can’t have sex. ;)

The BC contractions are controllable by the mind. If it’s difficult, then you just need to practice being near PONR (edging), and experimenting while there. Everyone is different, and likes to do it differently. If you enjoy yourself, and can last longer than is needed to satisfy your woman many times, then, I say, who cares what your BC muscle is doing?

C0rnholio, I don’t think you understand his comments regarding the BC contractions. StiffBatter described a situation very familiar to a few of us. It is the involuntary BC contraction whenever the penis head is stimulated. This is not the same thing as when you are approaching climax/ejaculation and the BC starts to contract. For example, say I am unaroused and flaccid, if I touch my penis, or worse yet my girl does, my BC will contract. Therefore, lets say I am having sex with my girl or even masturbating, if I do 100 full strokes, my BC would contract 200 times, on each up and down motion.

I believe I have isolated this phenomena to cause my premature ejaculation, and can pinpoint when it started. Essentially a “dry” period in my life when I broke up with my longtime girlfriend and did not have a relationship for a year and a half. I masturbated quite often, and during my relationship with her, when I didn’t have a premature problem and sometimes would take quite long, I noticed when I squeezed my butt (I.e. contract everything, including my BC Muscle) I came faster, much to my girls approval. As soon as I hooked up with another girl, I had PE. And I could not shake it no matter how hard I tried, I had it. Then when I did some PE exercises (enlargement) while doing some jelqs and paying attention to my penis, I noticed the involuntary BC contractions.

And I’ve been trying to stop it for 3-4 years, and I have not been successful. You say it’s in my mind, but I’ve tried reverse kegels, not masturbating for a month (so hopefully my BC would “forget”) everything, but it continues on. I would love for my body to stop the BC contraction every time my penis head is stimulated but it does. If I get a hard on with pants on I start to contract once my head hits my pants and rubs. Yes it’s that bad. The only solution I have found, unless someone can help with this, is to learn multiple orgasm, which well, isn’t too bad in and of itself.

Ah, I see now. What if you keep your BC muscle always contracted? And then try to keep it always relaxed?

Also, what if you do a reverse kegel when you are near the PONR and hold it until you start losing erection? I think this is how I was starting. This is a really fun PE excercise. You can do it all day! :)

First things first, trying is _always_ planning to fail.

So squeezing the butt causes you to come faster? Don’t do it.. Besides it’s quite logical to accelerate unto the PONR when you squeeze your butt. Think about where your dick’s head will be inside a vagina when you do that.. Better chance for babies! ;)

Aaaanyways:
The main problem is that people tend to get caught up in the problems they created in their mind.
Instead of simply changing what they created to begin with, they start struggling with themselves and fight what they trained their mind to do to begin with.

Make a truthful and honest decision right here, right now, only with yourself (or to someone you trust, if that helps you to stick to the decision).
Let your decision be something along the lines of: From now on I’ll stop judging myself ever, especially when I get what I was thinking about happening for the longest time (and no, it doesn’t matter if you want that thing you focus upon or not. The focus of your attention is where it’s at).

Then once you’ve made this decision keep it as good as you can in any given moment.

And for the dick part of your situation I would suggest to aim for something along the lines of: “Ah, let’s see how great I can feel when I just play with myself (or her).”

Don’t make orgasm or cumming or even the good feeling that ensues your goal. Instead make finding out how much better you can feel on your way to orgasm (not necessarily cumming) every time you have sex (be it with yourself or someone else).

The saying “The path is the goal.” comes to my mind here ;)

And let me assure you this: When you start to concentrate _only_ on how long you can ever more fun on the path, the goal will be much less impressive.. if you even want to go there.

Ys

P.S: No worries, you can still ejaculate if you wish. It’s basic human programming after all. But you don’t have to go there if you don’t want to.

Good thread. I’m trained to bust quickly right now so I’m in for a long road ahead to retrain my brain and body.

The exercises in this thread seem to be more advanced so I’ll have to try them out down the road. I’m just edging as much as possible right now and trying to have control of my release.

Breathing is very important for focus of the mind, whether it is sexual, the martial arts, meditation, etc.

Thanks cheeva for your input.

Even though this may not be the most helpful to most: The “road” is only as long as you make it out to be.

And besides who said you had to use a lawnmower truck.. Use a Ferrari or a Learjet. :)

Whatever you do, use what works best for you. 99.9 or more percent of the “problem” you may still perceive is in your head.
The exercises are simply ways to bring you into a state in which you feel you have the permission to change. Lots of people “like” to work hard and “earn” change. But a few select people decide that any change is easy for them. You can be one of those when you allow yourself to see the possibility that, yes indeed, you are the on that’s thinking your thoughts and thereby program your outcomes in your mind on a constant basis. Even when it comes to ejaculatory control (or as I like to call it: the ejaculatory option).

Ys

Let me add my piece of advice to all the spiritual advice that Ys has written. Just shut up and do 80-100 thrusts at a time. Shallow or slow - it does not matter, just more or less uniform thrusts any way that you can do it. Then rest. Then repeat. That’s it. I used to count in the beginning. If you can manage to last through the first 3-4 sets of 80, then you can go on for an hour, or until your head explodes! :) Do not forget to breath deeply.