Dick Control: A Primer

I posted some related but different topic here:

Dry Orgasms

An update on my development:

So I’m now at about 4 months into a relationship with a lovely young lady. 4 solid months with the same person is a record for me. We are talking unknown territory here people. I’m learning a lot about life, relationships and myself, just from having stuck it out this far even if I haven’t been sure the whole time that it was exactly what I wanted. That is a whole other conversation, but it does have direct implecations on the subject of this thread.

Couple of weeks ago I had kind of a red letter day. I made my girl cum vaginally, from straight penetrative sex with no drugs, no condom, nothing to numb me (well I did have a pint of cider and a shot of vodka a few hours before), and it was the first nut of the night. We’re talking about 10 minutes of unprotected, maximum sensitivity fucking. She came really hard, then as soon as I knew she had, I went for mine.

I’ve given her countles orgasms from penetrative sex, wearing a light condom too. Depending on what kind of mood I’m in I can last indefinitely. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve still got a long way to go. I don’t think I could manage the unprotected full length fuck session all the time at the moment, but I’m pretty sure I’ll get there.

How did I get this far? Well I’ll list them and then go into detail a little later (I gotta get my butt to kickboxing pretty soon):

1. Light hearted practice! Know that it’s not a big deal! You can get there if you really want. Just get yourself a good, understanding girl, and just be ready to make damn well sure she cums one way or another even if you do nut to quick.

2. Talking during sex and being dominant: For me this really helps take me out of my head, puts me in control, and helps me focus on HER.

3. Relax those pelvic floor muscles. I think this is where the ‘Kegels have given me prem ejac’ people go wrong. Yes, you’ve got to exercise those muscles, but you exercise them partly to have the control NOT to contract them.

4. Breathing. This has been talked about. Breath deep and slow.

5. Spreading/ circling/ moving your energy (attention): I still don’t understand this properly but for me it can be a case of just taking my attention out of the heat of the moment, so-to-speak. Becoming aware of my whole body, and not zooming in on the hot spots.

6. Knowing it’s ok to take your dick out and cool off for a minute. If she complains tell her to shut her damn mouth while you wrap yours around her soft wet pussy. She’ll get your cock when you’re good and ready to give it to her!!

That’s it for the time being. Like I say I’ve still got a long long way to go on this journey. One thing that is a little weird is, the very occasional times I jerk off these days, I can still bring myself off in seconds. Bizarrely this is when I’m LESS physically aroused than when I’m with my girl. I think that points more than anything to the psychological side of prem ejac. There is a kind of furtive mental excitement around premature ejaculation; it’s another sort of arousal, which leads me to believe that whether or not it’s subconcious a lot of the time the prem ejac-er WANTS to cum quickly, for whatever reason that may be.

Great reading your post Zigga. I have also read a lot of page´s about your flesh-light journey! You really tackled your pre-ejaculation problem! = Some days excluded, but everyone has his bad days =

Great post, Zigga. :thumbs: I’m really glad to hear of your progress, and you’ve got a great way of articulating the process. I hope you continue to post your observations and insights. Thanks for sharing.

You are spot on dude! Having chatted to a lot of people with this syndrome, I would say there is often an element of being in a hurry. I see it as a kind of tension. You also make the subtle point that being less aroused can cause unexpected ejaculation. My theory is that the more aroused you can become, the more concious you make the whole process, and the more choice you have. According to wikipedia (wikipedia.org/wiki/Ejaculation), ejaculation is under control of a spinal reflex. So what we are doing in ejaculation control is rather like trying to stop a sneeze by concious effort - it can be done, but it requires awareness, and practise.

And BTW, the little weird thing, as you stated it, is pretty much the same experience for me. Give me a gal to be really into and concentrate upon and I’m having a hard time even coming. Give me my left hand ;) and some time and I can get off faster than you can say “OMGHEREHECOMESAGAIN!” ;)

I guess it’s really only a matter of focus. Remember, energy follows focus. Focus on her and guess what. Focus on all your body and guess what. Focus only on your dick in your hand and guess what ;)

Ys

Bravo

When the doctor tests your reflexes, he usually does so by having your dangle your legs over the side of the examining table. The test won’t work if you tense your knee, so he tells you to relax before hitting under the knee cap with that nifty little rubber mallet. If reflexes are good, your lower leg kicks out.

When the urologist wants to check the nerves "down below," he checks the "bulbocavernosus reflex":
"This test evaluates nerve sensation in the penis. During the test, your doctor will squeeze the head of your penis, which should immediately cause your rectum to contract. If nerve function is abnormal, there will be a delay in response time or absence of rectal contraction."
ED Tests: (Blood, Rigidity) Used By Urologists to Diagnose Erectile Dysfunction

So, essentially, "Dick Control" (as I understand it) is being able to relax or tense the pelvic muscles and—regardless—not giving in to any reflex (bulbocavernosus or otherwise) until you’re ready to do so. It would kind of be like relaxing your knee, yet when the doctor taps the knee with a rubber mallet, you don’t let your leg swing out until you want it to.

While the physiology is different (my knee has never gotten a hard-on!), the comparison at least helps me to understand what I’m trying to get my penile reflexes to do or not do.

Comments from you medical types?

I understand what you are talking about. This is kind of a juvenile test though. I do not think my dick works like this any more. One should be able to relax their pelvic floor muscles or tighten them up to cheat on this test.

I personally do 500 kegels per day. I’ve noticed a HUGE difference in the quality of my erections. I can also completely prevent myself from cumming, but have a hard time staying hard afterwards. :( I guess you can’t have the best of both worlds.

Good point.

I once came across an article at jackinworld that (as I recall) suggested EQ could be improved with an exercise something like the following:

A. Breathe IN; TIGHTEN anus; stroke UP penis (base to head).
B. Breathe OUT; RELAX anus; stroke DOWN penis (head to base).

For those of you learning “dick control” as Cheeva describes it:
1. Do you try and synchronize strokes with your breathing?
2. Do you find it makes any difference to match the “down stroke” with breathing out, etc.

Doing any kind of breathing exercise where you are synchronizing the breath with a physical activity will be beneficial. I think the more useful thing though is synchronizing it with contractions and relaxations of a kegel or anal clench. Adding in the stroking doesn’t hurt though.

mravg, I’m very sorry for not addressing this post. I think I must have skimmed over it after being away for awhile and forgot to come back to it.

The OP really doesn’t get into the realities of putting this stuff into practice with a partner. I’ll address some of that here, after responding to your observations.

I think I’m a pretty average guy when it comes to my natural arousal patterns. That is, with a partner I can get very close to the PONR very quickly. I could easily come within five minutes if I didn’t practice dick control. But the secret isn’t in keeping arousal levels low; the secret is in knowing how to manage and contain higher levels of arousal in your body and staying in high level plateaus for extended periods of time.

I’ve made this analogy before, but it bears repeating because I can’t think of a better one, and it’s important. Imagine you’ve decided to do an hour of cardio training, so you go for a run or get on the treadmill. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, after five minutes I’m ready to quit—my heart rate goes up, I start breathing heavier and start to sweat, and my body’s like "OK, that was fun, but I’m done now." It takes an act of will to keep running through that feeling—I have to tell my body "No, we’re not done." The interesting thing is, after a few minutes, the body kicks into gear and suddenly wants to exercise more—it actually becomes fun! That’s what the initial PONR approach is like—the body very quickly comes to a point where it wants to achieve release and go back to stasis. Again, it’s an act of will to say to the body, "Hey, we’re not even close to done yet—in fact, we’re just getting started!" That first PONR approach is just the warmup. The spreading/circulating at this point (when actually with a partner, after doing plenty of solo training as per the OP) is habitual and largely in the mind. It’s purpose is not to bring arousal levels down, but to diffuse arousal throughout the body and acclimate the body to being at that state of arousal. Let’s call this the first plateau.

the first plateau implies that there are other, higher plateaus. If you never get past this first plateau you are not yet into really, really good fucking, because you are going to be stuck trying to hold back a "false" PONR. By that I mean it is not an ultimate, absolute PONR—it’s just the body’s instinctual desire to emit semen in an efficient manner. Of course, you need to learn to recognize this point before you slip over it. But beyond that, you need to learn to cycle the energy/arousal (plateau) until the body is acclimated. Then you start climbing again and usually very quickly will reach a second plateau. In other words, after going slow, teasing your partner with shallow thrusts and the occasional slow, deep thrust, you may throw in ten or so full, quick thrusts that bring you quickly to a second plateau.

The second Plateau: You are now at a higher level of arousal than you were at the first plateau. Depending on skill and training levels, this may be a little closer to the "false" PONR, or a little beyond it. You may now either chill at this second plateau or hop back down and rest at the first plateau (or some point in between—an intermediate plateau.) This process of climbing a new peak before resting or backing off slightly (two steps up, one step back) is repeated several times. Eventually you will be several plateaus beyond the "false" PONR. This is where something truly extraordinary happens…

Becoming a Hindu Love God: There comes a point after climbing several peaks and resting at several plateaus that something profound and truly transformational kicks in. You are completely aroused—in fact, you are well beyond the point that most people consider orgasm in terms of arousal—your body, left to it’s own devices, would have ejaculated way back down there at plateau 1. Yet you are now more in control and more relaxed than you were back then, to the point that you can now start to really fuck! I mean Fuck with a capital F. You have perfect mastery over your unit—you spontaneously begin to lay it down as hard or deep or fast as she wants or needs it—and you are right there at the door of the real PONR as you do it! You are dancing on the mountaintop. It’s really indescribable. And the effect on your partner is spectacular: the look of wonder, the glow, the ecstasy reflected in her eyes—priceless! On three separate occasions I have had women either call me up out of the blue or tell me in conversation years after the fact that I was by far the best lover they’d ever had, and that their mind was still blown. This is not to boast, but simply to highlight the efficacy of the method. Granted, chemistry and affection between partners has a lot to do with that level of world-rocking. I wouldn’t dare claim I could produce this effect in any woman. But if she digs me and our pheromones sing in harmony? Game on! :D

None of the above has anything to do with dry orgasms. This is all happening without going over the PONR in any way other than passing the "false" PONR. At this point the body is so saturated with ecstasy that ejaculation would be literally anti-climactic, and a dry orgasm would just be a quick means of cycling. The feeling of complete and utter contentment, fulfillment, and bliss at this stage truly surpasses any mere orgasm, wet or dry. May be hard to believe, but in my experience it is true.

OK, back to some nuts and bolts stuff. The "Extreme Edging"/ballooning (Ballooning Demystified ) exercise linked to in the OP can really help with training for this.

Another solo training thing to do would be scheduling at least an hour for edging and practicing getting yourself beyond the "false" PONR. Once you’ve done this, work on getting two or three plateaus beyond that. When you’re "resting" at the plateaus, use whatever exercises are useful from the "a la carte" menu in the OP—whether it be applying Super Pulling Kegels, doing some mental spreading/relaxation while you continue to mildly stimulate yourself, etc. Two secrets are (a) to start plateauing before the peak so you don’t lose control, and (b) maintain stimulation that is just sufficient to keep the arousal level where it’s at while spreading. So what you’re doing is pulling the "heat" away from the genitals while continuing to "stoke" the fire to maintain that level of "heat." You want to "warm" the entire body up so it’s an even temperature. Once the body is comfortable at that temperature and the "heat" is evenly distributed, you can stoke the fire some more to make things even hotter. Rinse and repeat. :)

You’ll know you’ve got it when, 20 or 30 minutes into the session, something "kicks in" and you don’t have to constantly be watching for the PONR and backing off/keeping stimulation light, etc. You can start stroking full on as if you were having a quick wank and trying to bust a nut—in other words, you can handle full on stimulation for a good period of time. "A good period of time" probably means no more than a minute or two in reality, but trust me, if you have been skillfully sexing a woman for a half hour already and then you really start to lay it on, she will be coming all over your cock in no time. Also, when this translates to the bedroom, the stimulation will actually not be as intense and you will have control of position and thrust. In this state, you can bring your partner to multiple orgasms without slipping over yourself. We’re talking gaga, glassy-eyed, gooey girl joy here. That’s when you’ve earned you black belt in dick control.

Some tips and suggestions for practicing this stuff with a partner:

—Go into a lovemaking session with the resolve that you are (a) not going to ejaculate (the equivalent of deciding to run for an hour), and (b) your partner will be the one who determines when she’s had enough.

—Always be prepared to stop and rest at any time. Slow down if and when you need to. Pull out completely if and when you need to. Maintain control of your dick at all times.

—Use your mouth, fingers, or toys to keep your partner stimulated while you rest/cycle/plateau. You can stop intercourse and go down on her or just kiss and fondle her even if you do not need to take a break. This helps her break out of standard lovemaking scripts as well.

—Communicate. It’s OK to tell her not to move or not to squeeze while you thrust. Or tell her "OK, go for it," for that matter. With a compatible partner, a lot of this stuff can be non-verbal, but it's OK to verbalize. You may also want to tell your partner about what you’re doing (or trying to do), either before or during.

—And finally, when you’re in that "real fucking zone," you can do a quick pull out/abbreviated "Great Seal" to ramp things down just a tad before carrying on—it only takes a few seconds. You see porn dudes do this all the time. They’re getting really into it and it’s a hot steamy scene and they’re pounding away, then suddenly they’ll pull out for just a couple of seconds before carrying on. If you watch and know the signs, you’ll see what they’re doing. It’s largely a mental thing—just a quick "hup" telling the dick to stay in check. What’s so cool and interesting is that when you’re in the zone, that’s all that’s required. But trust me, "the zone" is at least two or three plateaus beyond that initial impulse to squirt.

I’m sure I’ll think of some more stuff later, but that’s probably enough for now. :)

Thanks Cheeva! A truly excellent and inspirational post!