Retarded ejaculation

I know that this is not really related to PE for many but for me it may be. Retarded ejaculation (the inability to cum whilst having vaginal intercourse or in my case oral as well) may seem great at first but it is anything but. It result in self inflicted blue balls, a loss of sexual confidence for you and your partner and a lot of mental stress. I thought that maybe someone else on the forum maybe had the same problem in the past and conquered it if anyone has some advice would be greatly appreciated, if you don’t have any experience with the problem I don’t want your advice, “don’t wank off so much”, “stop watching porn”, or my favorite “maybe you’re gay”. The reason that this applies to PE is that I thought that maybe I was just self-conscious about my size which is above average but not Ron Jeremy by any means, after a lot of PE and confidence building I thought I would be able to achieve with my last conquest but of course was unable. Apparently doing kegels during sex can speed things along so maybe I’ll try that but somehow I doubt that it will work. The problem appears to be deeply rooted in my sub-conscious I do have relatively high anxiety at times, some social situations, giving speeches, etc. But that’s pretty common. If anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated if not I’m just going to tell girls that I’m tantric and then they’ll think I’m some sort of sex god and we can both feel good about ourselves but I don’t lie so if I could avoid it that would be preferable. Oh and by the way since someone is bound to ask I can get off by myself in 5 minutes if I feel like it and often cum on accident during edging/ ballooning routines.

Thanks ~Peace~

BPS FL 7.25”

Hi!

I have the same “problem” as I have extreme difficulty ejaculating wile in my girlfriend. The only way I can come is when I fuck her like mad, I mean real hard, high intensity, sweaty, to the point of pain in my side ;D. Thankfully she likes it and has the occasional orgasm, depending on how long we where at it. But I can’t always fuck her like that (I have to think about my back you know, I still need it for a good 60 years or so!). It becomes a bit easier when we skip the foreplay though.

I find I really can’t come when there are noises like people in the hallway or the bed creaking, I find they distract me. What I’m trying to say is maybe you’re focusing too much on ejaculating during intercourse and forgetting about enjoying the process. Your just a bit camera shy I guess.

Talk about this with your girlfriend(if you don’t have one, go find a nice girl who you can trust and can relax around). Believe me, she will understand and she will help you as good as she can. Ask her to massage you, massage her, get truly intimate. When it’s time to enter her, just forget about any insecurities you have. Please realise that over 50% of all women (I can’t really remember the specific numbers) can not orgasm during intercourse, or oral sex. And they still enjoy having sex, I still enjoy sex, even if I can’t always orgasm, and so can you. I really believe that.

Also realise the vagina is very different from your hand, however soft you may use it. It may take some time to get used to vaginal stimulation. I heard that if you use condoms, sensitivity goes down. I found this to be true, as the sensitivity I experienced went up as more pre-ejaculate gathered in the tip of the condom. So try to put some lubrication on the head of your penis before you put the condom on.

And the last thing I want to say is regarding the anxiety problems you have, it seems you already know that is the root of your problem. So try to get some help on that, there are a load of self help books on the market on learning how to control these problems. If that doesn’t work, try to get some professional help. You don’t deserve these problems in your life, I hope you realise that, and it’s never too late to start working on them.

Good luck!

Would anyone reading this like to diagram this sentence? :)

Does this happen to you if you are having sex with the same partner over a period of time, or only with new partners?

http://en.wikip edia.org/wiki/D … yed_ejaculation

Are you Catholic? Usually this one grabs them as a yes.

Do you believe vaginas are full of germs?

Are you scared of knocking up some crazed female?

Usually these are the top three answers for the psych part.

I haven’t even been able to read the post. It is simply to dense without any breaks.

I am assuming that retarded ejaculation has something to do with having sex on the small school bus?

Are you spying on me again? You know I have to lick the window before I get off.

OT: Where’s Happy when you really need him :) .

In my opinion, it is a good problem to have!

Try lasting 30 seconds and see if this problem is really that bad!

It is a psychological I am sure.

Alright sorry about the poor format and that last sentence in the original post, it’s my first one so cut me some slack.

Thanks for the replies but to answer a few questions; I’m not religious, I think vagina’s are awesome not dirty and it happens (or doesn’t happen rather) with girls I have slept with once or 50 times. Also my anxiety issues really are not that bad, more physiological than mental. In my mind I’m great and confident but my body responds in interesting ways. For example a co-existing condition in which I can’t piss next to other dudes. Which is strange because I have no problem standing there, I’m not worried about them seeing it but unless I’m drunk nothing happens.

I know that the problem is psychological or like the first poster implied I may have just conditioned my dick to respond to manual stimulation. Unfortunately there is no special ED class for my retarded dick, so I was hoping for some advice from people who are afflicted with similar problems. Also it really isn’t a huge problem for me, especially if I’m not honest about it with one night stands. I just have to fake orgasms like chicks do but apparently they are better at it than me and they don’t have to hide their massive boner after their acting job.

Thanks ~peace~

Spit on her back or carry a little packet of overly warm and runny Mayo with you.

No

I don’t have this problem any more, but did have it for a long time (Unfortunately I’m totally the other way now and am verging on premature ejaculation most the time.. Trust me, you have the better of two crap deals).
A couple of years ago I was really into the UK rave scene, ecstasy being pretty much a weekend pre-requisite. The effect of this (on me anyway) was that I could never reach an orgasm when with a girl (drugs are bad, who knew?).
In any event what worked for me was to really, really slow down. Make insanely slow strokes and stay really deep inside the girl. Basically after a while of really feeling every tiny little movement, slowly ramp it up and let loose. I guess not all ladies like this, some absolutely go wild for it. I think if you go really heavy right away it can actually make it harder to cum as you’ve got know where to progress to, making your self really over sensitive to start with can work a treat.

P.S. Just to be clear, seriously would never condone drugs use ESPECIALLY when it comes to sex

Welcome to Thunders smooth operator, it looks like you are the only other person I know that is faced with this challenge. I was thinking of starting a thread like this, this year as I knew that subject matter needed more folk like us or who were versed with solutions to deal with it as there are very few.

My condition is very very similar however there are is one difference in that I often struggle with manual stimulation but most of the time its greatly dependent on how aroused I am and so forth. I still believe there is a way around this I am trying varying things to try find out what exactly I can do, one of these good days. Although its often frustrating especially when the urologist has no idea of what is going on or what we can do, but its cool I guess its an opportunity to experiment and see what is going work.

In saying all of this, I have made a lot of progress in communication with some of the vets here and the especially wise Avocet8; I am going to post some of the links he provided me with. I will just need to look in my inbox. I am not saying that those links hold the solution but they do held in understanding what may be going on.

We shall overcome.

smoothoperator — That is a serious problem — here is one possible think which might help you.

First I need to say that I do not work for this company nor am I a SPAMBOT of any kind. just a very happy customer.

It is basically a male masturbation toy. Several guys in the fleshlight forum swear that it has helped re-sensitize their penises for oral and vaginal sex.

The theory is this:

Gripping too hard when you masturbate can eventually desensitize your penis for "real" sex. (and I am guessing PE routines could contribute to this too)

Your penis gets used to being choked to death with a strong hand grip. And then it doesn’t respond so well to the more subtle stimulation of vaginal and oral sex.

The Fleshlight is a much subtler sensation, closer to real sex, and over time you are able to "re-sensitize" yourself. Guys on their forum swear that over time, by stopping "hand" masturbation and using the fleshlight only, they were able to re-sensitize themselves.

From my experience with the fleshlight I would say that I think this is entirely plausible. I am much more sensitive after using it for several months.

—
Check out their forum and do a search on "desensitize"

http://fleshlight.com/forums/

One sample thread:

This is AMAZING! My dick is RE-sensitizing!!

—

I know the posts over there sound pretty over-hyped sometimes, but it is a very good product.

BEST OF LUCK!

Hey, I am back! No joke on the eye strain thing. I am sometimes online with out having slept in over 24 and my eyes simply can’t deal with large blocks of text.

I have experienced what you are describing. If a woman isn’t a BJ queen I am not going to cum from oral. Even if she is very good I must often work at it mentally with no guarantee it will work. Quite a few guys here have a very difficult time with orgasming from oral stimulation. I would say that we are a minority but a large one.

As far as difficulty with vaginal intercourse? Not so much. I have had periods of time there I was like that but it is not the norm for me. If I am fatigued or super short on sleep I will have no problems getting it up but may well be unable to cum. I can not do quick self serve and can’t do quickies either. I can pretty much cum when I wish but not until after 20 minutes of intercourse. I am a Tantrika and tend to prefer what most would consider marathon sex.

I do understand that most of even the better forums online are infested with ass hats that will screw with you on serious problems. Plenty of forums your disclaimer above would actually be the most rational and mature way of heading off problems. Thunders is rather unique in that we have literally thousands of helpful and compassionate guys, a culture of not, “dude maybe you’re gay, lol!”, and mods that back it up. Read around a bit more here and I think that you will find that while we may be playful guys that are hurtful are shown the door rather quickly.

The point being twofold:

1. You are severely limiting your self with the above in that we have seriously knowledgeable guys that could give you good advice even though they have never personally experienced what you are describing.
   
2. Because of the empathic and helpful culture here what in other forums might be a good approach to heading of trouble actually makes you come across as the grouch. What I mean is that since the ass-hat behavior you are attempting to head off isn’t tolerated here you come across as a bit overly aggressive.

Seriously, we joke around a lot but when it comes to someone having actual problems or issues the guys here will bend over backwards to help each other.

Hey sta-kool, do an advanced search for Fleshlight in the review forum and you will find that plenty of guys agree with you. Mostly guys use it for having problems with popping to quickly but plenty have used it for the reverse as well. Considering that it is basically a super wanking devise it is rather impressive how many guys have been able to use it for self improvement in the sex department. Considering how relatively cheep it is I would certainly give it a try if I was in smoothoperator’s situation.