GIRTH: Pump v. Clamp v. Jelq v. Squeezing v. Hanging v. Bends
All right, I know they all have their benefits and drawbacks, but as an overly organized engineering type, I want to see things listed out in neat, orderly powerpoint fashion.
I’ve done the rest, but have so far avoided the pump. I even hung for a while in college, though that was back in the last millennium. Now, from what I’ve seen both first and second hand, here are some observations:
o JELQING: This is perhaps the most perfect penis exercise. It allows both length and girth gains, mimics the natural rhythm of an erection, has the added benefit of increasing your forearm girth, and there is little risk of injury. Plus it is fun, and if you do it right, there is a happy ending sans forty-five year-old burnt-out Asian chick mumbling awkwardly in the national language of America — broken English. The only drawback is the baseball bat effect, whereby there is a lack of base girth gains, owing to where you grip. Still, if there were any single exercise this would be it. Much like jumping jacks (think about it) this might be the most perfect penile exercise, albeit a bit low and slow on the gain side.
o SQUEEZING: Goes without saying, and as perfect as the jelq. Squeeze the shit out of it. Simple. Someone named Uli apparently thought of squeezing his dick first in the history of mankind. Genius. Never thought of that one. Right up there with Joseph Gayetty. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_paper). So Uli is just another man who quantified the fucking obvious to the rest of us numbskulls. Neck slaps all around, gents. Squeezing works. Jelq and squeeze, squeeze and jelq. Bing. Done.
o CLAMP: I align this with jelqing and squeezing, but with a constant grip at the base. It’s like an extra hand. Only negatives I’ve heard are thrombosis and gain stalling, owing to conditioning. Used in moderation, though, I’m a big fan.
o PUMPING: Have not tried it yet because I see too many negatives. For instance, discoloration, EQ drop, something about a bulge at the tip, ill-fitted sleeves, lack of gauges, expense, difficulty of use, cleaning and maintenance, not to mention clogged veins we call “thrombosis,” possibly something akin to the bends in diving owing to rapid pressure changes and the blood oxygen bubbling out. Plus, most folks report the gains are not permanent, but rely on routine, albeit minor maintenance. Other than envious comments regarding “packing the tube,” I am unconvinced this is a safe and reliable girth routine. Someone please convince me otherwise. Please. There are way too many pumpers for them all to be wrong. Still, I mentioned this to a younger gal recently and she said, Oh yeah, pumping works. Maybe there’s the proof, at least among the younger generation.
o HANGING: Regarding base girth, the only convincing argument I’ve seen is hanging. I’m working out the physics on that one, maybe someone has insight. I believe it might pull out some hidden base, or perhaps the fulcrum against the pube bone increases girth. Would love to see some bro-science on why this would increase base, so snap your leotard and get to bro-ing the shit out of hanging v. base girth. Mainly I am interested not in justifying hanging, but rather in discovering NEW ways of increasing base girth without hanging, using the same methodology. For instance, does a BTC stretch do the same thing, and for the same reasons? How about over-the-finger or using some other fulcrum method? Over the wrist? Orange bends? Reverse jelqs and clamping?
o BENDS: As with Uli, some other guy thought of bending the penis. Apparently his name was Mr. Orange, as from Reservoir Dogs, who happened to be a fucking cop! And yet we trust the guy, right, and we dubbed them “Orange” bends. Nice. I’m a big fan. Not sure how much they really help with girth, but they feel good, and anything that feels good must be good. Certainly they don’t hurt, and they are terribly safe. Plus, they may help length and possibly bend correction. Great idea. Good job, Mr. Orange!
What did I miss or get wrong? I know the pumpers are going to come after me, but put down the sleeve for a moment and explain why this is a safe and effective way to permanently increase my girth, and do so without ~any~ harmful side-effects. There is an almost dogma-like devotion to these devices, which baffles me given the lack of professed positives and the overwhelming consensus of negatives, not to mention the expense and constant gritching over fit-form-function of the device. Seems to me that clamping does about the same thing, without the negative side-effects. Still, if it gets you thicker, sign me up!
Bigger, Stronger, Thicker, Longer
2016-08-26: 6 1/8" x 5 ... 2017-02-28: 6 3/4" x 5... 2017-07-08: 6 7/8" x 5 1/8"