Guilty Spark's Atypical Log

Well … I guess I’m taking a week off, although I’m not at all sure it will do any good, because this doesn’t seem like it is being caused by exercise fatigue.

Session started out really strong. Got hard without too much issue, and then EQ was great … for 70 jelqs. I don’t know what happened. My erection rapidly began to fade, I felt a sudden flash of hunger, my arms and legs began to get tired all at once, and I felt hot. It’s like a fucking switch was flipped. By the time I got hard again, it was the usual fucking problem. Too sensitive to continue jelqing.

I could theorize all day, but the truth is, I’ve come up with multiple theories since this bullshit began happening, and I’m not sure which one, if any are right. I felt tired before I tried to do PE, but now I feel exhausted. Perhaps the Aleve I took earlier was masking symptoms of fatigue, and my body just gave out? I did think my arms and hands felt unusually strong before things went wrong, when they’re normally tired both from work, and from PE.

I guess I do need a break. This won’t just be a rest for my penis. It’ll also be a rest for my whole body. I usually don’t get enough sleep, and PE is part of the reason. I don’t usually feel like doing PE until several hours after I get home from work, and then by the time I’ve finished PE, I’m looking at five, maybe six hours of sleep.

Well guys, this may be the end of my PE journey for the foreseeable future. My job is very physical, so at the end of the day I am tired. Most days forcing myself to push through the tiredness and do PE when I want nothing more than to relax is the last thing I want to do. The reason I was able to consistently push myself to work toward a bigger dick for three months is because aside from really wanting to be bigger, I could actually fucking do PE!!! Now it’s like every other session, I end up having an orgasm before PE is done. What motivation is there to PE if my body is just going to say fuck you? I might try doing PE again on Monday. It wouldn’t quite be a full week off, but it would give me time to rest. I’ll take more time if needed.

I realize my entries at this point are basically just rambling word salad that probably no one reads. Still, it helps to put my thoughts down in written form.

There is one possibility for all of this bullshit that I’ve been refusing to consider, but I can’t ignore it any longer; infection. I have unfortunately had very painful tooth infections in the past. Accompanying this pain was an overall sense of feeling really crappy. I’m pretty sure I have a tooth infection right now. I began feeling messed up right around the time the tooth began bothering me. I have an appointment scheduled here in a few hours to confirm or deny the existence of an infection. Hoping to get some antibiotics prescribed. Once the infection is gone, I’m hoping things go back to normal.

There have been links to all sorts of problems related to oral infections, from malaise all the way to heart trouble.

Yeah I know. I’ve been putting off seeing the dentist for many years. The last two or three times I went were when I was experiencing unbelievable pain due to infections. It’s happened enough times that I know the signs. What I have right now feels like the beginning of a full blown infection, complete with throbbing pain and swelling like those I’ve had in the past, and I don’t want to experience that again. I guess it’s about time to pay the piper for all the years of neglect. Will probably lose several teeth and get fillings in many more. For today though, I’m just hoping to get those antibiotics. Along with the severe hair trigger on my orgasm, I’ve been experiencing a curious lack of sexual desire as well, and I’m thinking that could be infection related. Well anyway I’ll give it a week, maybe two, and then I’m going back to PE. No way I’m giving up! 7 x 6 here I come!

No antibiotics, but the tooth that was bothering me is gone. Had to inject the fucking tooth directly! The infection made it impossible to put the tooth to sleep otherwise. Anyway, with that tooth gone, I’m hoping my overall sense of well being improves. I know that was heading toward being a full blown infection. The tooth hurt, my jaw hurt, my head hurt. I’ve dealt with this before. This will be my last update for a little while. I’ll post later on how I’m feeling.

Update: it is the day after the tooth was pulled. I’m definitely feeling better, but it’ll take time for me to get back to 100%.

I said earlier that I would take a week off, not due to exercise fatigue, but because I was at a loss and didn’t know what else to try. Depending on how I feel tonight, I might try again. If I can get three sessions done in a given week, I consider it to not be a total loss.

It is 8:21 PM on a Friday as I sit here and contemplate my next move on PE. I’m feeling better. Could I jelq? Possibly. Haven’t tried yet. Although I am feeling better, that does not mean I am feeling 100%. I find myself rationalizing that me being tired plus the fallout from the infection is a good excuse to just break until Monday. I realized something however, I honestly don’t feel much worse right now than I have on some other nights where I soldiered on through my tiredness on my quest for a bigger dick. Maybe a little more run down, but not by much. I already had one successful session this week. If I could do one tonight, and one tomorrow, that would be three for the week. Not my full four, but still decent. Do I want the bigger dick? Yes. Do I enjoy the repetitive effort to get it? Hell no! Before I was not letting anything get in my way. Now I have a possibly legitimate excuse to put it off for right now. I find myself wrestling with a few questions; how much do I want it? How quickly do I want to get there? How willing am I to slack? What will happen if I begin making excuses? Ultimately this entry is sort of a mental pep talk I guess, and the questions are largely rhetorical. I think I’m feeling well enough to try. I’m going to go take a shower and give it a shot. I would say wish me luck, but no one will see this by the time I’m back with an update.

Tonight was progress, but I’m not there yet. I was able to do a full 300 jelq session.

So, why progress? Instead of the urge to orgasm being impossible to resist, it was merely hard. Easier to fend off. Also, this is the first time since the bullshit started that I have been able to do a full session after not having an orgasm for two days.

Why not there yet? It is still difficult to get hard. I lost my erection twice during the session, and while I was trying to get it back, I nearly lost control a few times. No work tomorrow, so I’m sleeping until I wake up. Hoping I feel a lot better tomorrow, because although today was better, it was still overall really blah.

In spite of all of the frustration and discouragement I have been experiencing due to this jelqing issue, one thing I neglected to realize is that my stretching has not been affected, because I don’t need to be hard to stretch. It had been a good long while since I decided to get hard just for fun. Just to admire it so to speak. With that infected tooth gone, I am now feeling much better, and a good chunk of my old sexual desire seems to be back. So, I got hard to have a look. I was blown away by how long it seems to look. Don’t know what my length is at. Maybe there has been no change? Maybe very little? I still don’t intend to take hard measurements until the 6 month mark. I’m planning to try a session tonight. If successful, that will be three for the week. Not ideal, but not bad either. I’m hoping that come Monday of next week, I will be back to normal and can do PE as per usual.

I went into tonight’s session hopeful but anxious. Hopeful because before starting it, I felt more or less completely normal. Anxious because I knew things could still go wrong. Well … things went wrong. The session started out strong. I had good EQ, and I was able to get good expansion with each stroke. Around 100 jelqs, I began to have trouble staying hard, and trying to stay hard made me feel like I was about to orgasm. I managed to get to 152 jelqs before I lost control. Although this is yet another failed session, I am hopeful. Why? Today is three days since I last orgasmed … or at least it was until a few minutes ago. Before, I would not have been able to do even 100 jelqs having gone that long without orgasm, so things are improving for sure. It’s only the second day since the tooth was removed. Expecting to be completely back to normal by now is probably hoping for too much. Since it is a weekend, I will wait a few hours and then attempt to finish the remaining jelqs.

One curious detail, my left arm was aching an ungodly amount while jelqing. I have no idea why, but the tooth that was removed is on the left side of my mouth. Perhaps blood flow on the left side of my body is all wacky because it is prioritizing healing my jaw?

I do know two things for sure. Number one, things are getting better. Number two, I WILL have my three full sessions this week. So far week one and week two of month number four have been at four stretching sessions and 3 300 jelq sessions. Beginning Monday, I really want to be back to normal PE. Of course, that remains to be seen.

I also think there could be a mental element to this stuff. There have been more times than I care for that sex did not happen because my brain sabotaged me. Now I go into each session unsure. It’s like PE performance anxiety. What bullshit. Next update coming probably very soon. It’ll be about whether or not I managed to finish the jelqs.

Tonight was like the first night this bullshit began. Couldn’t finish, waited a bit, and then went back and finished later. These last two weeks have sucked, but they weren’t a total loss. Each week I’ve gotten in three full jelqing sessions. My confidence in my ability to do PE has suffered more than the PE itself luckily. Once again, I’m really hoping that things are back to normal on Monday. For now tomorrow is a rest day.

At this point, it is hard for me to imagine failing anymore PE sessions. Near as I can tell, I am back to feeling normal. If I continue failing, I suppose it’s always possible there is some persistent, underlying medical reason, but I suspect it will be due to mental sabotage. I now have PE performance anxiety, and PE doesn’t even involve another person!

There is hope. If I continue to have failed sessions, there are seven days in a week for me to get in at least three sessions. Stretching of course will remain at the usual four since that doesn’t require being hard.

Is my PE about to go back to normal? Time will tell. I guess I’ll see tomorrow.

Hello Spark. Perhaps that’s your body’s way of telling you you have to switch it up. Maybe you need to try something new and leave the exercises that put you in risk of ejaculation to rest for awhile. A fellow thunderer called ‘Houstonwoods’, recommends staying away from ejaculation and I fully support and suggest doing just that. Perhaps you can try pumping or hanging if you have the hardware or you can try holding stretches. Another thunderer called ‘Bangel77’ got his gains doing just the latter. You can check his threads and comments for more information. It’s your choice really, but I don’t want to see you down or about to throw in the towel and go home. You can figure this out!

Hi Jinn. Thank you for the reply. I get what you are saying, however, I simply do not see how that could be possible. I do not believe that any PE exercise could account for me suddenly losing my erection while doing PE. That’s got to be totally unrelated. I also don’t see how when the intensity with which I jelq usually means that I lose sensitivity, I suddenly seem to be getting hyper sensitive. It doesn’t make any sense at all. I am pretty convinced that this stuff is somehow related to me being unwell lately due to a tooth infection that was spreading to the rest of my body. Tooth is gone, and I seem to be getting better.