Guilty Spark's Atypical Log

I’ve been flip flopping back and forth for a long time now on taking time off. Again and again I tried to get back to consistent PE but failed. I thought I was finally there. Tonight was supposed to be the night that I ended a perfect first week of month five. Unfortunately that didn’t happen.

The first red flag happened during stretching. I thought that the stretches were making my penis unusually uncomfortable. The second red flag came with the jelqing portion. It took me a long time to get hard, longer than it should have. When I finally did get hard, I lasted for 100 jelqs before orgasm happened.

It is with great reluctance that I will be taking a week off of PE. I am hoping that is all I will need, as I hate to put the breaks on the gain train. I will be resuming PE next Monday, and I will not count this week as a part of my initial 6 months. Month 5 will restart next Monday.

I don’t understand your furious hurry. Your dick is only gonna go so fast. Keep your mind out of it. Find out where that is: Do it, toe that line, and keep moving forward. It’s gonna be what it’s gonna be. No matter where your head is, or how bad you want it. Back off and find your limit. You obviously have one.

You’re so stressed about whether you can complete the session or not… When it doesn’t matter and your just doing it, because you have work to do, you will. Won’t mean a damned thing. You’re overthinking. Take a “real” break and come back fresh. Separate work and pleasure. Believe it or not, your body knows the difference.

What would you call a real break?

Now that I have come to the conclusion that I have indeed been suffering from overwork, these are my final thoughts on the whole matter.

I had a good thing going until I began to suffer full body effects of the tooth infection. I became frantic to get back to doing successful sessions. I started doing PE more often than I used to. This meant fewer rest days. At some point, I stopped suffering the effects of the infection and began suffering from overwork.

This is going to be a difficult week for me. PE has been a regular part of my life now for four months. It will feel so weird not doing it. There is however no PE without taking a break to recover. I am hoping very much that a week is all I will need, but who knows? It could take longer.

Tomorrow I would be going back to PE … if I were actually doing PE. Hoping I don’t lose too much size over the break, and that I’ll be ready to go next Monday. If I seem in a hurry, it’s because I actually hate PE. I want to reach my target size so I can stop.

I just can’t seem to stop posting in here in spite of not doing any PE. I think this might be my last one for awhile though.

How did I come up with a week for my break? Three reasons.

1. I hate PE. There are any number of other things I’d rather be doing than pulling on and squeezing my dick on a regular basis. The way I see it, the sooner I reach my goals, the sooner I can leave all of this behind.

2. I love PE. What’s this? A contradiction? Oh yes. I may hate PE, but I love the results of it, so by extension I love PE. Seeing my gains over the months in length and girth has been a non-stop thrill ride, and I’m eager to continue.

3. I don’t think full recovery is strictly necessary for me to resume PE. I’d argue that for a good portion of the previous four months, I was suffering some amount of over work. Why could I keep going? Rest days. Mon Tues PE. Rest mid week. That mid week rest day provided the breather necessary for my dick to withstand the final two sessions for the week. Then Sat, Sun, and most of Mon off since I do PE in the evening after work.

My frantic, heightened efforts at PE while trying to have successful sessions disrupted this tenuous balance. All I need is enough recovery for the rest days I was taking to once again serve their purpose. Here’s hoping I have a great week coming next week!

I believe that something I was afraid of happening if I ever took a break is happening. I was concerned that over the course of the break, my penis would begin to shrink down to a size smaller than what I hoped it would be. Length is pretty much unaffected. I think it is harder to lose length gains, and they fade more slowly. It is girth that is a concern for me. I’m trying to keep in mind the fact that girth gains often come slowly, and I have not been back at PE long at all; only four months. I’m anticipating working for a year or more for what I want.

This time off from PE I believe has given me a much needed reality check. I was too fixated on my size after PE, and what it was a few days after PE. I should have been trying to focus on what I really had for gains and on how far I still have yet to go.

I masturbated just now. Wanted to see exactly where I was at. Wasn’t feeling very turned on honestly, so I’m not sure if my EQ was at max, but I noticed some interesting things.

It seemed to be thin. I thought it looked kind of like it did before I started PE. I think this was due to the length I gained however. Closing my hand around it showed that there was definitely an increase in girth. Not the huge increase I’m looking for, but it was there. Before PE, if I lightly closed my hand around my shaft, my index finger and thumb could touch easily. Now they do not. I think there is perhaps a quarter inch gap. If I squeeze they touch, but penile tissue is always a bit springy, so that’s a given.
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For me PE results in rock hard erections, and that firmness stays for a few days after. That is not normal for me though. Once it fades, I’m left with what my penis is really like. Remembering what it used to be vs what it is now, I’m happy with the gains, especially since I’ve only been back at it for four months, a relatively short amount of time. I plan to be doing this for a year, maybe more.

It’s Saturday. I have not done any PE since Sunday. If I’m being perfectly honest, I have not lost as much size as I feared I would. In fact, even though I wish I were bigger, I’m pleasantly surprised with how much size I’ve retained. I’ll be starting up PE again on Monday. Since Sunday was supposed to end week one of month five on a positive note and that did not happen, I will be restarting month five on Monday. I still plan to measure at the 6 month mark just to see where I’m at, but I think I’m looking at one year of PE minimum just to hit my “acceptable” goals. If I think maybe I can hit the magical 8, I’ll try to go for it.

I find myself looking at big dicks fairly frequently lately, not because I’m suddenly gay, but for motivation. Of course, I wouldn’t want to be as big as some of the monsters out there. That’d be inconvenient, but nonetheless, it helps to keep my head in the game. Not gonna lie, I’m feeling a little discouraged. These past four months have been annoying. PE is repetitive and boring. I’m not making progress as quickly as I wish I were. Still, I AM making progress, and I think if I just keep pressing forward, I’ll eventually get to where I want to be.

Tomorrow is the big day! I will be resuming PE, and hopefully the week off has been enough of a reset for my penis to adequately recover. I’m thinking I have at least a year total of PE to reach my minimum goals. I expect to hit 7 length before I hit 6 girth. Will definitely go for 8 if I think it’s within the realm of possibility.

These big dick photos may be motivating, but they also make me really jealous. These men are so damn lucky. Nature just handed them massive pipes on a silver platter. They didn’t have to do any work at all. I will say this much, once I reach my size goals, I will appreciate what I have more than they ever could, because I’ll have had to work for it for many months. I also will definitely be showing off in the MassiveCock subreddit.

As I used the bathroom before lunch today and in so doing saw my penis, I couldn’t help feeling just a little disappointed. I know that some of the reason for it looking small was due to the cold weather, but it seemed to almost look like it did before I started PE. Ultimately it’s going to be the erect size that counts in bed, but I still want to have an at least somewhat impressive looking flaccid.

As far as my erect size goes, it’s weird. If I can get a decent erection going, it seems to look thicker than it did before I began PE, but it doesn’t always feel thicker in my hand. I’m not sure, but I think at least some of the reason for that is because a penis that hasn’t had any PE done recently is going to have lower EQ, and thus softer tissue making it easier for my hand to close around it. Ultimately what matters though is that I HAVE gained girth. It’s just going to take me awhile to get where I want to be. I’m anticipating at least a year and a half of PE.

Gonna be 100% honest, I have no enthusiasm for getting back to PE tonight. This week break has shown me that I have a lot farther to go than I care for before I get to where I want to be. I am only going back to it because it’s the only way I’ll get the big dick I want. I also don’t like working, but I do it anyway because I need money. In life we often have to do things we do not want to do in order to achieve desired goals. I now have the mindset of someone who goes to the gym. Eyes on the goal. The journey may suck, but in the end it’ll be worth it. And, there will be points along the way where I notice gains, and that will help to keep me motivated.

Alright. Here it goes. My head is not in a great place for it, but life is full of instances where you just have to do things you don’t want to in order to get something you do want. Hoping by the end of the week I’ll be back on track.