Guilty Spark's Atypical Log

Tonight was the absolute WORST session I’ve ever had. I have already talked about how my head just wasn’t in the game. I was discouraged due to how much size I lost over the break, and from realizing just how much hard work I had ahead of me. These psychological barriers had a huge effect on my ability to get hard. It took me an extremely long time to get hard enough for jelqing. No matter what, I just couldn’t feel horny at all, even thinking about some of the most arousing sexual encounters I’ve had didn’t work. I also really don’t want to go back to doing PE on a weekly basis. I was enjoying having my evenings free. Oh, and my hand was hurting as well.

Only bright sides, I seemed to get back most of the temporary size I lost in just one session, and I was able to actually complete the session.

I’d like to think that forcing myself through that session yesterday was the major hurdle. Sometimes simply starting is that hardest part. Guess I’m about to find out when I try to do another session tonight.

I thought I was back. Sure last night’s session was a bit rough, but given the various negatives against me, that was to be expected. This session seemed to be going better, until I reached 170 jelqs. Then I lost control of my orgasm. I hate to say this, but I might really need an extended break. A month at least. It sucks because this was after only four consistent months of PE. That’s not long at all. There’s no way I want to take a break after only four months, especially when I am actually seeing gains in spite of the exercise fatigue. Well, starting today, I’m taking four weeks off. It sucks fucking ass, but there it is.

Edit: Scratch that. I’ve barely begun this week. I’ll try again next week. I think my penis has probably had little enough stress between yesterday and today that another full week should put me in a decent spot.

Once this next week goes by, I’ll be starting back light. Instead of the full ten minutes of stretching and 300 jelqs, I’ll do only five minutes of stretching and 100 jelqs or so. The idea is to gradually get back to where I was at. I don’t want to lose temporary gains or stop gaining, even if I have to do less PE.

I am still very undecided regarding what I want to do. Flip flopping constantly. I know one thing for sure, and that is that one week was not enough time off. I am glad this was made apparent by the second session rather than at the end of the week. That way I could still take the majority of this week off of PE for rest time.

I DO know that I do not, under any circumstances, want to stop PE entirely. At the moment, I’m thinking maintenance. I do not want to lose any of my temp size, and ideally I’d like to make some small gains. Right now I’m not really focused on some end goal. I wanted to power straight through to the 6 month mark, take some measurements, and then keep going, but that is completely on hold for now. I need to get myself recovered. Some might recommend stopping PE entirely for a month or more, but I can’t. I really feel like if I do that, I will give up entirely. It was hard enough to get things started again this past Monday, and that was after only one week off.

Beginning next Monday, I am going to be doing some sort of a light maintenance routine for a month to keep my penis relatively in the game while it recovers. I’m thinking that instead of ten minutes of regular stretching, I will only do five, and those five minutes will be lighter than usual. For jelqing probably 100 jelqs, and as much as possible, at a lighter intensity than usual. I will do two sessions per week instead of four. Hoping this allows me to retain size and even gain a little, and that at the end of the month, I’ll be ready to start ramping things up again.

Although I am by no means 100% certain, I think I have decided once and for all what I am going to do. After this second rest week ends, I will try to go back to doing regular PE. If at any point I fail a session next week, I will immediately switch to the maintenance PE I mentioned and will do that for a month. That will be my plan B.

The urge to do PE tonight is very strong. EQ is good, penile sensitivity which had long been reduced seems to be back in a significant way, and it looks long and thick when hard. I must resist though. These things I am noticing mean that recovery is happening, and if I interrupt that recovery right now, I may not be able to get back to PE as soon as I want to. Once again, after Tuesdays failed session, the plan is to take the rest of this week off, try to go back to normal PE starting Monday, and if at any point next week I fail a session, I will immediately switch to a light maintenance routine done twice a week for a month to at least maintain what I have, if not gain a little while resting.

I’m going to do it. It is against my better judgment though. After all, it was only this past Tuesday that I failed a session. Yesterday and today though, my EQ has been fantastic, and penile sensitivity has returned in a big way. Could there be that much of a difference in so little time? I don’t know. This will be a one off, and I will not be doing PE again until Monday. I just want to see how things go and get an idea of where I’m at.

Took a shower in preparation for doing a session, but was then unsure when I got out because I realized I was hungry. Then a reasoned that it doesn’t really matter. Hungry or not, full session or not, this is just a test to see how it responds. I’m sure it’ll go fine either way. Welp, time to give it a go!

It’s too early to tell for sure yet, but I think I’m back! Not much to say about this session, except that it was pretty much perfect! I got hard enough without much trouble. Expansion was tremendous making it look huge. I did almost climax a few times, but I put that down to not being careful enough more than anything else. It’s very strange. My penis didn’t feel overworked at all. Staying hard was pretty easy, but it felt extremely sensitive. I’m sure overwork was part of my problems, but this heightened sensitivity is strange, though not entirely unwelcome. It is a little problematic, even when jelqing. Sometimes the jelqs themselves are enough to make it hard to not climax. I never used to have this issue.

Here’s the most important part, now that I am done, my penis feels great! There is fatigue, but as far as I can tell, it’s the normal exercise fatigue you get at the end of a good workout. And now I have two days off before I resume on Monday! I think things are going to be fine from here on out! Crossing my fingers!

Perception is a strange thing. I know I am longer than I used to be, even though I haven’t measured yet. Why? There are undeniable signs. Example, if I lay on my stomach with a full erection, the tip of my penis can be felt further up than before. In spite of knowing I am longer and thicker than when I began, it seems to look the same as ever in the mirror somehow. I have a feeling that even when the tape measure and ruler are telling me I have reached my minimum size goals, it’s still not going to look terribly big to me, but I will trust the measuring tools. Just knowing objectively that I have what I have will be enough.

I am SO excited to get back to my exercises tomorrow! Penis is feeling good, and it’s been hanging long and thick mostly. Erections also come pretty easily. It looks monstrous when I exercise it. Can’t wait to see what the coming months have in store!

My thinking is that I should make PE a priority today after I get home from work. I didn’t sleep well, and I don’t feel as high energy right now as I usually feel this time of day. Thinking that soon after I get home I’m going to be feeling tired and will want to go to bed.

Tonight’s session was … well it could hardly be called a session. Stretching went fine as per usual. I’m not sure how long it took me to get hard, but it took a LONG time. I don’t understand why. my penis was so responsive over the last few days. Rubbing it didn’t feel very good, even with lube. I couldn’t seem to get myself aroused at all, even thinking about sex and porn etc. Once I was hard, I only got to 140 jelqs before everything fell apart, and I had to fight like hell for every single jelq.

I was really, REALLY hoping that it wouldn’t come to this. I think that perhaps this is where things were always going, but I just didn’t want to accept it. I will have to take an extended break. I’m thinking one month. I will not be doing nothing though. There’s no way I’m going to just sit back for four weeks while my penis shrinks and shrinks, and if I stop entirely I might lose motivation too. Twice a week I will be doing the maintenance routine I mentioned previously. Five min light stretching, and probably 100 jelqs. Maybe 50 jelqs even if I feel like 100 is too much. I will do this for a month. Then I will slowly begin working my way back up to where I’ve been. I pretty much need a reset, and this after only about four months of PE. Sucks ass, but that’s how it is I guess.

I would like to be able to say that this is the last time I will change my mind, but given my track record so far, I guess we’ll see.

Doing only two 100 jelq sessions per week did not sit well with me. That’s a whole lot of not PE and a lot of time for penis shrinkage. I will be actually increasing my jelqs per week, and sticking to my four day schedule. I will do 5 min light stretching (down from 10), and 75 jelqs per session (down from 300 per session). I think 75 is already close to my upper limit right now unfortunately. Just tonight I had a few times where I came close to orgasm, and staying hard just for those 75 jelqs seemed challenging. I will be doing this for a month. After a month, I will begin gradually increasing my jelqs per session by 5 per week. I pretty much need a total reset at this point, but I don’t want to lose gained size, and I even want to gain a little if possible. Now that I think about it, the first month and a half of the previous four months was ramp up time for the newbie routine. Maybe expecting to do 300 intense jelqs per session on a constant basis was a fool’s dream to begin with?