Guilty Spark's Atypical Log

Going to change another thing, and hopefully this is the last one. I said that I’d be doing less PE at a lower intensity. I actually see no reason to decrease my stretching. I will just not do it as hard. Jelqs will remain at 75 per session.

I said 75 a session, but I’ve been doing 80. The number 75 just felt weird, especially since I do 10 jelqs at a time before stopping to get hard again.

Tonight was interesting. I’m definitely recovered somewhat. I got hard without much trouble, and stroking with lube felt pretty good. In spite of this progress, I still had a few moments where I felt like I had to be careful I didn’t climax. I’m not sure if this is a symptom of not being fully recovered, or if this is an effect of the L-Arginine.

Just a quick entry since it’s late.

I’ve always known that when feeling tired on a PE night, it’s a bad idea to snooze because I might not get up again. Well, tonight it happened for the first time. Set an alarm, didn’t get up right away, and next thing I knew, I was waking up at 2:30 AM to take a piss, and my room light and computer were still on. Fuck it. Just going to go to bed. I’ll do PE tomorrow. Since I’m not doing super intense PE right now, I think it’ll be fine to do it tomorrow, have Sunday off, and then resume on Monday instead of having two days off like usual. After all, I just had two days off.

Last week went well. My penis is feeling pretty damn good. I’m going to ramp things up this week and do 90 jelqs per session instead of 80. Hoping to slowly work my way back up to some semblance of what I was at before.

Tonight’s session was bad but good. For whatever reason on Mondays, my horny levels are virtually non-existent. Took me awhile to get hard, and I had some trouble staying hard, but I did get my 90 jelqs done without much trouble. Here’s why it was good. If I weren’t recovering significantly, I would have had a LOT more trouble tonight. I might even have given up entirely and taken more time off with no PE whatsoever. Instead getting hard, although it took awhile felt really good. Main thing I’m annoyed about is that I didn’t seem to get very good expansion this session. I could have done more than 90 jelqs, but without recovery, there will be no effective PE, so I’m going to keep it at 90 for the week and just keep adding 10 per week. Hoping that even though I am taking it easy PE wise, I will continue to gain as I ramp things back up.

Mondays!

Yup. Even my penis doesn’t like them lol.

Session report, then some thoughts. Tonight’s session was amazing. Got hard easily, and stimulating myself to get hard and stay hard felt really really good. I’m fairly certain by now that I am experiencing increased sensitivity due to the L-Arginine. This recovery period I am in will be good practice for learning to hold back orgasm.

I noticed something disappointing tonight, but not entirely unexpected. It seems that since I am doing fewer jelqs than I used to be, I do not have as much girth. It’s a bit discouraging, but as I mentioned before, the reason I’m doing PE at all, even though I’m technically recovering is because I don’t want my temporary gains to decline too much. I know my old girth levels will return in time as I continue to add 10 jelqs per week. As far as I can tell however, length gains are unaffected since I don’t need to be hard for stretching, and I seem to have a good bit more shaft to work with lately which is pretty damn exciting.

I find myself pondering how much jelqing I really need to be doing. I suffered overwork from doing 300 jelqs per session. That’s only 100 more than the starting amount for the newbie routine. There was a brief amount of time that I was doing 400 per session, and I was trying to work up to 600, but I quickly realized that 400 was too much and went back down to 300. It could be that I’m just too intense with the jelqing. Indeed, even if I try to hold myself back, I still end up squeezing pretty hard for jelqing. I think perhaps 300 is a good number. I just have to watch the intensity is all. 300 already sounds like a low amount for someone who is a PE veteran by this time, so I think I want to stay at that level.

To say that I am unsatisfied with things as they currently are is a gross understatement. I miss the longer sessions where I got crazy expansion and really felt like I was making progress toward my size goal. For the next two weeks, I will keep adding ten jelqs per week. Two weeks from now will be four weeks total of recovery time. Then I will start to ramp things up by adding 20 jelqs per week. This will allow me to get back to my previous levels more quickly while still allowing a little more time for recovery.

Pretty good session tonight, except my left hand was killing me, so that made it easy to stop at 90 jelqs. Had a little trouble getting hard, but that’s more than likely because I just wasn’t in a horny mood. The sensitivity in my penis saved me. Once again getting hard felt pretty good.

Last Friday I was so tired that I went to bed rather than do PE. This Friday I could have done PE, but I made the mistake of lying down for a bit first. Next thing I knew I was waking up at 3:00 AM. Will be doing my last session of the week tonight. I can’t keep doing this. PE mon tue off wed on Thu off Fri on Sat off sun and then two consecutive days of PE mon tue. With this pattern, there is no point where I have two consecutive days off, and I believe that is important for healing and recovery. Need to do better.

Feeling pretty disheartened right now. I’m sure it’ll pass like it always does, but the following are my current thoughts.

I think probably just about every man who does PE reaches a point where he has two choices, give up out of tedium and boredom, or steel himself and keep going. I am most definitely at that point. I’m tired of PE. I want my evenings back. The only thing keeping me going right now is sheer willpower. I want that big dick!

Monday continues to inexplicably be a problem for me. Horny levels are often non-existent, and I sometimes have some trouble getting hard as well. Tonight was no exception. Had a little trouble getting hard. Staying hard was not difficult, but I did not seem to get the expansion I look for during my sessions. After I was done, I became fully erect, angled it down toward the floor, and lightly wrapped my hand around it like I always do after a session. My fingers touched disappointingly easily. I know part of this lack of significant expansion is due to my currently reduced number of jelqs. I think perhaps EQ played a role as well. It wasn’t horrible, but it was a far cry from the best I’ve had. I’m going to stay the course. One hundred jelqs per session for this week. Then 110 for the next week. Next week will mark the end of month number 5. For month 6 I will start adding 20 jelqs per session. Play time over. At the end of month 6 I will be up to 200 jelqs per session. I don’t expect to have any significant gains during this month due to my reduced amount of PE. I still plan to measure at 6 months. I don’t think I will be at 7 inches like I was hoping, but maybe in another 6 months I will be. Once I hit 7 inches, I’ll probably take a break, and then see what else I can gain.

GuiltySpark,
I don’t know how many times over the past year I’ve forced myself through sessions. When it’s absolutely the last thing on your list and you don’t even have time to spit, make time. When it’s absolutely the last thing you even wanna think about doing and you have no desire for it at all, make yourself want it.

I’ve talked to I don’t know how many guys on here, that started out rip-roaring to go and they fluttered out, a couple months, weeks, some of them even days. Those are just the ones I’ve talked to, what about all the lurkers that quit? You’ve gone this far, don’t waste it. There’s ups and downs in every aspect of life. You have the mind to make the drive. Keep at it, man. Bite down and go.

-Stay safe

Thanks for the encouragement. I absolutely plan on doing my best to keep going!

I come here at this point in time not to give a session update, but to give myself a pep talk.

I did not sleep well last night. In addition, I went straight to the movie theater after work to watch Avatar 2: The Way of Water. Suffice it to say, I’m tired. I must get this session done though. I cannot keep having no more than one rest day between any given session. I feel it is not good for my recovery and healing.