Guilty Spark's Atypical Log

Didn’t get PE done on Friday. Came home and was so tired I collapsed in short order. I did get my session in on Saturday though. It was a really good one. No issues. I have enough shaft now that it takes about 4 seconds instead of 3 to complete one jelq. More length I think makes the jelqs more effective as well since there is more shaft to work with. I think I’m getting pretty close to seven inches long. When I am fully hard, it’s unreal to me how big it looks.

I’m going to be making a change that I hope will give my PE routines new life. I only masturbate once a week. That is because pent up sexual energy helps me to get and stay hard more easily for jelqing. I’ve long been suffering from a few issues though.

I’ve been masturbating on Saturdays.

1. Part of my ability to become aroused is tied to how big I am. After the shrinkage that happens over the weekend break, I often feel discouraged with how small it seems leading to a difficult time on Mondays.

2. I believe that because I do not stick to my regular sleep schedule over the weekends, lack of proper sleep also messes with my sex drive.

The above two problems are exacerbated by a relative lack of pent up sexual energy due to masturbating on Saturday.

In order to start each PE week in a better way and to have better sessions, I will be masturbating on my midweek day off instead. On Wednesdays, I will be on my regular sleep schedule for work, and my penis shouldn’t have undergone much shrinkage, so the release of that sexual energy shouldn’t pose as much of a problem.

I’m beginning to think that there’s a difference between having a full erection, and having a full erection with high EQ. I just got done getting myself off, and even when I was close to climax, my shaft did not seem to have as much girth as I have seen it have on other days. Really frustrating honestly. It was also hard to get and stay erect, even though I had no PE related anxiety. I think I’m definitely suffering from over work again, but I really want to close out this sixth month. I think I really will take a month off afterward.

After two lackluster sessions on Monday and Tuesday, and trouble getting and staying hard to masturbate on Wednesday, I somehow came bouncing back tonight with one of the best sessions I’ve ever had. Got hard pretty easily, had great expansion, and once again my penis had that huge look I love to see at the end of each session.

The end of next week will mark 6 months of consistent PE, not counting the time that my sessions were floundering from overwork. After next week, I think I may take a month break, both to have some time where I don’t have to force myself into doing PE 4 times a week, and to rest and decon. I’ve made some good gains, and I look forward to making more!

My renewed PE journey will hit the 6 month mark at the end of next week. My penis has increased in size significantly. I think my most noticeable gains have been in length. I have an object laying around that I will sometimes compare myself to, which I have measured at 6.75 inches long. I try not to do this too often since usually I think I’m bigger than I am, and then I get discouraged when I find out I’m not as long as I thought. Last night was no exception.

For the first time in six months, I became discouraged enough that I skipped my PE session last night. I only made that exception because I was really tired, and today (Saturday) is still part of this week, so I can still do it today, and I plan to.

I was thinking about this today, and I came to a realization, what if my perspective is all wrong? I checked my length because I thought I was looking pretty big. If I like what I see now, then how much more will I like what I see once I hit my target?

I’m still mildly depressed over all of this, but trying to change my perspective has helped. I will choose to be happy about what I have gained, and be excited for gains to come. Keep your focus on what lies ahead. Good things will come if you consistently put in the effort.

After next week, I plan to take a month long decon break. I am concerned that I do not seem to feel the stretches as much as I used to. I don’t want my gains to stall.

It’s 1:35 AM on a Sunday. I’ve been trying to get myself to do a PE session before bed. Guess I need another one of those self-motivating log entries. I thought I looked really big last night. Turns out I’m not even 6.75 inches long. Was pretty discouraging, and the discouragement is lingering. Not even sure how well I’ll be able to get hard. The mind is a powerful foe. I have two choices right now. One, I can just not care and go to bed reasoning that since I’ve been consistent thus far, one missed session isn’t going to make a whole lot of difference. Two, I could go the opposite route with my thinking. BECAUSE I have been consistent thus far, it would be dumb to falter now.

To be quite honest, I’m very on the fence. The only reason I am considering not bothering tonight is because after I complete PE next week, I will be taking a month long break. With a month break coming up, one missed session is not going to matter. I haven’t made up my mind yet on what I want to do. I guess I’ll say what happened in my next entry.

One thing is for sure though. Regardless of my decision tonight, I 100% will be doing a full week of PE next week to close out month 6.

So I ended up skipping my fourth session entirely last week. I reasoned that since I will be going on a one month break after this week, one session less isn’t really going to make a whole lot of difference. For this week though, I will be trying to do all four.

I’m not sure, but I think that flaccid stretched length may actually be a more accurate measurement of length than erect length. When I am erect, my penis has a slight upward curve to it. Since anything I might use to compare does not take that curve into account, it’s going to look shorter. Going off of this reasoning, I am almost exactly as long as that 6.75 inch object I like to compare to. I think I am very very close to being at 7 inches NBPEL.

Regarding this week … I both do want to do PE and do not want to do PE. This last week would complete month 6, but I have to ask myself, what significant gains would I get in a week? Likely not much. Is this last week even worth the trouble? I think not. I know I said only a few posts back that I was planning to do all four sessions this week, but I’m honestly really burned out at this point. I’m tired of having a large chunk of my evenings taken up by PE. I want time for other things. Even so, I am still anxious to reach my size goals, so my plan is to take a two week break, which is down from my previously intended four week break, and then get back to it. Two weeks to rest, decon, and mentally refresh, and then I’m getting back to it. This will also be a good chance for me to see what my actual size is at without temp size added by PE skewing things.

Been a week since I got myself off, so I decided to have some fun. Girth appeared to be disappointingly thin, but I do think it was thicker this morning, so it is probably just bad EQ. It is slightly discouraging that in spite of some of the amazing expansion I’ve gotten from my sessions, actual girth gains don’t seem to be that significant. I’m thinking that it’ll be another 6 months before I see anything approaching what I want, and maybe more. Well I’m going to enjoy the rest of these two weeks off, and then it’s back to the grindstone.

Week one of my two week break is done … and I’m not altogether sure that I have had an erection with good EQ yet. It seems that due to over work, it’s taking my penis a good while to wake up again.

Regarding my girth, I really have no idea what to think at this point. I think some of what I often consider girth is just my penis being more firm than what is normal due to PE, and that’s why it seems easier to close my fingers around it completely. If I look at it in the mirror it looks big. If I lightly wrap my fingers around the shaft and apply no pressure, There is a gap between my thumb and forefinger that I’m pretty sure was not there when I began PE. In the end I think that maybe it really is down to EQ. Maybe my girth is better than I think, but when my penis is over worked and my EQ is poor, it’s hard to see. It’s hard to deal with this discouragement and uncertainty. I’ve already done PE for nearly 6 months. I will be going for at least one more year before deciding if it was all a waste of time or not.

That’s actually pretty impressive.

Well I’m also pretty sure my hands are smaller than a lot of other men’s hands.

I am now a full week into my two week break. EQ is much improved. When I got hard just now, much of the girth that I was hoping to have kept was still there. Proof I am gaining, and possibly proof that the times I feel I have lost a bunch of size, it’s just over work causing me to not be able to have a very good erection. I am now seriously motivated and extremely excited to see what the next six months bring!

In my previous post I talked about some positive things, but I want to talk about them a little more at length here. Taking a two week break from PE was the best thing I could have done for my PE success, and this is why.

1. I was mentally burned out. I was tired of having to devote large amounts of time to PE four days a week. I wanted a stretch of time where I could just come home from work every day and relax rather than dragging my feet on PE.

2. I felt that in spite of my efforts at recovery by reverting back to a lighter PE schedule, I was still suffering from over work.

Both of these things were true. I have been greatly enjoying coming home from work and just relaxing without talking myself into PE. Overwork was also a factor.

At first I was really discouraged. My penis was pretty lifeless for basically this whole week. When I was able to get myself hard, a lot of the size I had been used to seemed to be gone. I didn’t know if this was now my actual size, or if it was just low EQ. Even as early as yesterday, I was wondering “if this is all I have, then what was the point of those six months of effort?”

Today though was a revelation. I woke up with fantastic morning wood. Gripped my shaft to check my girth. It felt THICK.later in the day after temporary expansion from prolonged morning wood would have worn off, my flaccid was looking pretty big. I massaged myself to the best erection I’ve had all week, and again my shaft felt nice and thick. It wasn’t the girth I have after a PE session, but it was far far better than the poor first I’ve had for most of the week.

I now now think that if I never did PE again, I would still have some pretty impressive gains, and my size would remain nice and big. Of course, this is not the end. I will be continuing to do PE for at least another six months, if not a year. What’s more, knowing how much size I have gained and retained over the break, I will resume PE with excitement and motivation. Seven inches long by six inches around are my minimum targets. Anything else is a bonus. I think I can get there.

PE continues to be a rollercoaster for me, and not the good kind. Last Friday after the first of my two weeks off had passed, I thought I had a really good erection which had a good amount of the girth I was expecting to see. Now pretty much this whole week, I don’t think I’ve had a single erection where my girth was what I wanted it to be. Did I actually lose girth, or was it EQ? I don’t always have morning wood either. Girth usually does seem to thicker with a morning erection for obvious reasons. Maybe under normal circumstances my max girth is never reached. Well then, that means I just need to gain girth to the point that I only have two sizes, thick, and thicker. PE resumes next Monday.