Guilty Spark's Atypical Log

I don’t understand how you can even think about PE, considering that is probably a factor in your inability to get an erection. Just forget about it for right now, and give your dick a chance to recover.

PE is extremely hard for me right now, and I’m struggling to get into a mindset that will allow for it. Any thoughts of sex, dick size, pleasuring myself, whether that be to get hard for jelqing or for masturbation, and Wednesday pops into my head. That day that I had the chance to sleep with a beautiful woman and my dick said fuck you. I’m still so pissed off and demoralized. I honestly want to cut my dick off and throw it away. Not really, but man this sucks so much. I definitely want to PE tonight 100% so I get at least three sessions in for this week. Maybe I’ll try to put that woman out of my head and think instead about memorable sexual encounters I’ve had.

Tonight’s session was an extremely mixed bag, and I’m not happy about it.

After only ten jelqs, I noticed some blood in my precum. They weren’t even very high pressure jelqs as I try to start out the early jelqs at a lower pressure and ramp up. I figured it had to be from the stretching. More cautious men might have panicked right there, but I kept going taking care not to jelq too hard. There was no more blood the rest of the session. It was very slight, and tomorrow is a rest day, so I should be fine. I will need to make sure that I use less force when stretching.

The jelqs themselves were a failure. I only got to 150 of 200. Once again, I do not believe this to be due to overwork. After getting back to PE when I ended my two week break (almost three weeks actually), my penis felt fine, but I noticed the increased urge to orgasm remained as before. I’m pretty sure this is due to the L-Arginine. Or maybe as the surface area of my penis increases the stimulation gets stronger. I think either one is possible. Anyway, I applied a little too much stimulation while getting hard again and lost control. It seems I still need to practice controlling myself and learning the stimulation I can use.

Still, with the length of time per jelq and the pressure I jelq at, they were nevertheless high quality jelqs, and although this session did not go the way I wanted it to, it was still progress toward my goals. Trying to stay positive.

I do not enjoy change, especially when I do not know what effects those changes will have. Nevertheless, change is now necessary.

In my opinion there is a difference between being totally over worked and unable to stay hard for PE, and simple fatigue which necessitates increased stimulation to get and stay hard. I am suffering from fatigue, and since my orgasm is often on a hair trigger due to the L-Arginine, the stimulation required to stay hard is sometimes too much, and I end up losing control.

To combat this, I will be switching to just three days of PE per week, but I will space them in such a way that the impact of losing a day will hopefully be minimal. Consecutive PE days are no longer an option. After each session, I will need at least a day to recover before attempting another one. My PE days will be Mon, Wed, and Fri with weekends off. Additionally, I will be doing 50 additional jelqs per session to make up somewhat for 200 jelqs fewer per week.

I managed to arrange a one night stand Friday night. There was some trouble making sex happen because she wasn’t on BC and insisted on using a condom. It’s hard for me to get it up and keep it up with that barrier in the way. It just doesn’t feel the same. I did learn some things though.

1. I used magnums, and even those felt tight on me. I haven’t measured my girth since I started PE, as I am waiting until the one year mark, but if even a magnum felt constricting, my girth must be bigger than I thought it was. I have a feeling I’ll be freakishly thick when all is said and done.

2. She was fat, which made staying inside of her during missionary difficult. The reduced sensation and feeling of rubber made it more difficult to stay hard. This meant that we had sex mainly in the doggy style position. I noticed right away that the increased length made doggy much easier. In the past when I tried doggy, slipping out was not uncommon. Now I have enough length to comfortably stay inside and do longer strokes.

The increased size isn’t just good looking and positive for my ego. It also has improved my sexual abilities.

Now an update on my routine.

Tuesday last week was a revelation for me. I mentioned previously that after just ten, fairly low pressure jelqs, there was blood. This meant only one thing; the stretching part was too rough. Those ten light jelqs couldn’t have been responsible. I now think that my stretching specifically is responsible for a large amount of the fatigue I feel. One stretch in particular allows me to put tremendous tension on my penis. I will try to describe it. First, I grip around the head with my thumb and index finger using an okay grip with my right hand. Then I rotate my right hand forward using my thumb as a sort of fulcrum or focal point and pull upward. I put further tension on my penis by putting my left hand underneath my right hand. Finally, I push up with my legs against my hands. I am now going to be taking it easy during stretching, and especially with that super stretch. I think this will allow me to PE more consistently without losing control of my orgasm. This means for now, I will be sticking to my four day PE schedule while taking care not to stretch too hard. Will see how things go.

I’ve come to a decision regarding my PE. I think I can get to 7 long this year. That is my minimum goal. I do want to try for 8, however, I am sick to death of these exercises. Once I hit 7 long, I will be taking at least two months off, maybe 3. and then I will see what further heights I can reach.

So I actually have three main reasons for doing PE.

1. The first and most important reason is for myself obviously. I want the pride and satisfaction that comes with being able to say that I have a long, thick cock between my legs.

2. I 100% plan to post in the massive cock subreddit once I have joined the big boys club. Will be nice to get compliments. I know it’s mostly gay dudes, but some women comment as well.

3. This one’s kind of weird. Every now and then I like to post on my Twitter about PE. I have enemies on Twitter. They came to the conclusion that since I post about penis enlargement I must have a small dick. Once I reach my minimum targets, I will be posting some measured pics to prove those fuckers wrong. Can’t wait!

I’m sure that every man at least once in his life has laid on his stomach in the morning with his morning wood pressed between him and the mattress. Nothing particularly unusual about that.

When you do it often though, and you notice your erection creeping upward over time toward your belly button, and it feels bigger between you and the mattress due to increased thickness, it gives a very masculine and powerful sense of satisfaction. I’m getting longer and thicker. I can feel and see it happening, and it’s exciting!

Was having a hard time keeping my orgasm down tonight. This in spite of it being basically three days since my last session. I think I’m just producing more semen due to the L-Arginine, and that means I’m more likely to orgasm. I went ahead and orgasmed after my session tonight. I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t, tomorrow’s session would be a no go. Now the problem is that it might be more difficult to get and stay hard anyway without any built up sexual tension. Usually takes a few days for it to come back for me.

I fully expected to be making this log entry having done a session with a full 200 jelqs. Unfortunately that did not happen. I only made it to 150. I found it hard to complete my session last night, so I orgasmed when I was done thinking it would make it easier to hold out tonight. Guess not. Honestly though, this is fatigue and not overwork. I was not having trouble staying hard for jelqing. I once again misjudged the amount of stimulation I could handle. I think I will eventually get the hang of things. I am coming to accept that if I want to keep on doing PE, I will have to take some losses here and there. Some weeks I might have to do 3 sessions instead of 4, or maybe I’ll get my 4 sessions in, but some of them won’t have 200 jelqs. I have no plans on taking a break. I only just completed a month of PE after coming off a 2 week break. No way I want to break again, especially since just in the past month, I already seem to be noticing more growth. I’m fine with scaling back as necessary, as long as the gains do not stop.

Well I took yesterday off since I wanted to try my fleshlight. That means before the week is over I’ll be trying to get two more full sessions in on Friday and Saturday.

PE is not going well right now, but that’s okay. Every man who does PE has his slumps. What’s really important is not allowing the slumps to continue.

This week was supposed to be week number one of month number two back at PE after my three week break. Instead, it was hardly a PE week at all. Mon was fine. Tue was not. I only got to 150 of 200 planned jelqs. I kind of lost steam and motivation after that, but I resolved to continue. That is, until my fleshlight arrived on Thursday. Of course I wanted to try it. I find it very hard to get it up again after an orgasm. All sexual desire kind of just drains from my body. Result of getting old maybe? Although other men my age I think have more sexual desire than I do.

Anyway, after trying the fleshlight, I decided Friday and Saturday would be my two sessions to close out the week. Nope. Friday I was WAY too tired and crashed around 9:00 PM. Saturday night I was distracted watching my brother play Elden Ring, and for some reason my left hand is hurting a LOT more than usual, and that pretty much sapped all motivation for anything tonight.

I’ve decided to restart week one beginning tomorrow on Sunday. By Sunday evening, I’ll have had essentially five straight days off of PE. I will be taking care both on the stretching and jelqing portions to try not to overwork my penis. This will be my second stab at a Sun Mon Wed Thu schedule. The idea is that if each PE night happens on a night before work, I will be forced to do it at a semi-reasonable hour so I can get to bed on time for enough sleep for the coming day. Friday night is really sketchy for PE, because I tend to keep putting it off and putting it off until it gets super late. By that time I have no motivation. As much as I love the results of PE, it just gets harder and harder to keep doing this stuff consistently.

This is an important week for my PE journey. If I have any troubles this week, I will be forced to consider an option that I never wanted to consider.

I still believe that the initial cause of my PE difficulties was that tooth infection. I felt horrible, I had no sexual desire, my orgasm was on a hair trigger. I became frantic. I began doing session after session without adequate rest between them, desperately trying to successfully complete one. This eventually resulted in the over work that forced me into a break.

So why have I still been having trouble even though I felt my penis was mostly recovered after my recent break? I went at it too hard I think coming back. I stretched so hard that I actually created painful abrasions on my penis. This bad start meant my penis was super stressed from the beginning and never had a chance to recover.

Although having the last five days off was not necessarily planned, I think it was a vital recovery period for me. I believe the only reason that I was able to consistently PE for the majority of the six months leading up to my break is because I stuck to a strict schedule. I never did PE more than two days in a row, and I had two consecutive rest days per week. I’m going to try not to overdo things, and stick to my original schedule.

So what’s the option I didn’t want to consider? The option is light PE. I’m talking only 100 jelqs a session, or even less, and then ramping up SUPER slowly. I’m talking 5 additional jelqs per session each week. I feel like such a routine would result in slowed progress, but it’s better than another multi week break with no progress. Here’s hoping this week goes well.

PE last night was not good at all. It’s not because of being overworked or because of a session cut short. I was just really tired and wasn’t feeling horny at all. Had a massive amount of trouble getting it up, and for most of the session my EQ wasn’t great. To make things worse, BOTH of my hands were hurting, and part way through I really had to pee. At first, I thought I would try for 100 jelqs and call it a night. Better than no PE at all. At 100 jelqs I was feeling okay-ish. I tried for 150. At 150 expansion seemed pretty good, and somehow I was staying hard without an orgasm without too much trouble. I decided to go for the last 50 jelqs. Glad I did. It felt good to overcome all of my feelings of reluctance and get my reps in. Hoping tonight is better. Still feeling tired. Had my coffee too late last night and had trouble sleeping. Going to try and get an earlier start tonight so I can go to bed earlier.

Last night’s session was very good. Had some trouble getting hard, but I put that down to the usual exercise fatigue. Penis felt like it got a good workout both on Sunday and Monday. Today is a rest day, and then provided everything goes well the next two days, I’ll have completed my first trouble free week in a very long time. I think what is helping me a lot is making sure I don’t go overboard on the force I use for stretching. It can be hard to control, but it’s necessary to keep over work at bay.