Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

I’m scheduled to Decon for another 10 days. Honestly it is just difficult at this point.

Night wood is up. Random erections are back in my life after being gone for more than a decade…I’ve actually had sex at 100% EQ (with Viagra, two separate nights but still counts) and now…I just want to get back on the horse.

I still have 10 more days and do NOT have the cash to actually get my device out of the store cuz…it’s still around $300 after the discount. I mean I’m eager to get back on multiple clamps and do more IPR and substitute the Bathmate X50 for my air pump for my warmup and PEFF peak pump setting. I feel like I’m in the middle of a gaining phase and may hit 9.5” by summer and maybe even get 6.25” MSEG or bigger. All of this is very exciting. I just want to get it started.

I’ve been edging, with no porn, and having quite a bit of good EQ with that for hours just like when I used to with porn. It’s all very good. I just…*sighs* I guess this is the price of having a PE centric lifestyle. You can’t gain as much as I have without some level of addiction and desire to do PE. It literally matters that it be on your mind to some degree on a regular basis.

At least this is my view. And something I’ve noted in other big gainers and longterm PE practicioners.

Also, on the porn detox. It gets way easier after the 5th week. It literally just does. However, 5 weeks for your brain to rewrite how you get aroused is pretty damn steep. *sighs* Best of luck to those just starting the porn detox journey.

What is your routine going to be?

When I do it, I will post it. I post the routine of the day after I complete it.

I opened it and clumsily assembled it. Getting it to empty water out on command without losing water volume and keeping erection was extremely tricky. The system is much less user friendly than the Penomet. I made a very wet mess.

Round 1: Bathmate.

Hey TG!

I will be following your thread and recommendations. I will be picking up a DP4000 sometime soon and returning to pumping. Hanging is just wayyy too time consuming as 1.5 - 2 hours is doable. Not 3 & 4 hours for me. I can’t wait to get started!

The DP4000 is an amazing device. Simplifies PE and frees your hands. I game with mine on, when I’m using pressures it can generate. I’m on the fence about hanging myself. Still.

I hope some of my routines can serve you well.

I was talking with my bestie today about PE. She brought up that what appears to be my chief motivation is pride. And not just any pride but…a sort of peacock pride. Just the fact that it is one of those things that is important to my image or so it appears. Even though I don’t walk around naked. And by a fashion she is right.

I love how I look now, especially since the body dysmorphia isn’t making me think crazy things. And, more than any other reason, vanity appears to be driving my continued PE past 9.25x6” quite honestly. Vanity, which is a peacock’s signature trait (or so we associate with a peacock at any rate.)

Functionally, the size I am now is troublesome. Enough to keep lube on hand and have to order specialty condoms. Enough that I can hurt my partners inadvertently. The issue is…those things do fall by the wayside compared to the joy I get continuing PE. It’s easy to apply lube, be easier during sex. The value of continued gains is one that appeases something in my mind. And be it some sort of preening ritual for me to continue PE or just the fact that getting bigger is fun…the fact remains that my motivation is vain and simple in nature at this point. And it provides me with real happiness because I feel love and appreciation for myself and all that I’ve put forth into this goal.

I cannot tell you, the reader, what your motivation is if you’re pursuing PE. I can say, over the years, I’ve been through the gamut of them. Fear based on poor sexual health came first. Fear driven by inadequacy at the hands of women came second, third, sixth, seventh…I mean i can’t count that hurdle and how many times I’ve fallen over it. Dysmorphia and a sensation of inadequacy that was intrinsic in nature visited several times as well. And it stayed long enough that I did PE well past most reasonable goals before realizing how far I’ve come in a positive light.

…and now, giddy vanity. I mean I hop up and down when I cement a BPEL gain of .25” now. Or any significant girth gains. I just like the sensation of progress. To feel accomplished and potent in a thing that is difficult, time-consuming and empowering by nature is a very powerful feeling. It appeals to the hubris in us all.

The epiphany of the day is a cyclical and reflexive one, let me share it. The way I feel now, knowing I’ve gained, controlled it and sought it on my terms and then claim it for myself is a sensation more important than the actual physical gains themselves. I can say that because there’s no practical need for further size increases that the feeling of victory is actually the primary driver for my continued PE. Yet such a discovery is almost immaterial…because both things are still very valuable to me. Gaining matters on its own merits and it matters very much but the focus is on my own continued progression at will in something important to me. This, the product of Temperance, is the lesson and the value to gain for me here. I like demonstrating it to myself and confirming what it is that we all know in the back of our minds.

Nothing is impossible. All things can be as real as we wish them to be.

The feeling of shaping my reality, with PE especially, is intoxicating and perhaps it is the control of my destiny that drives me to continue this quest more than the product of the quest itself. The question is philosophical and I’m unlikely to provide a solid answer if pressed.

When you do something…what brings you more joy? The product that the goal is? Or the sensation of having changed your destiny at will to bring that product to you?

What’s wrong with peacock pride seems like another way of saying self confidence, which everyone considers positive. They see you seeking power and want to negatively judge you saying “oh you’re a peacock. No I’m better than a peacock.

I didn’t say anything was wrong with “peacock pride”. I only said continuing Penis Enlargement at this point is a vanity not a necessity for me and having been through the different motivating drivers, this one is the newest and least like what brought me into PE. So I reflect on this as it is relevant today and shows a progression of different mindsets I’ve experienced on this journey.

It wasn’t a neccesity in the beginning. You didn’t have to try to make your penis bigger. So you’re defining neccesity and vanity based on yours and other people’s opinions. Anything you do is a neccesity, or else you wouldn’t do it.

More often than not, anything a person acts on is defined by their own opinion and values that define their worldview. How you and I see ‘necessity’ is different. Which is to be expected, as opinions may differ from person to person.

I agree. I’m just saying don’t let what you think is important be dictated by others use your rational mind and calculate.

Of course. It’s the main reason I do what I do here and why I laugh when you post on my log.

Saying it’s vanity though is negative.

van·i·ty
ˈvanədē/
noun
1.
excessive pride in or admiration of one’s own appearance or achievements.
“it flattered his vanity to think I was in love with him”
synonyms: conceit, narcissism, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-regard, egotism; More
2.
the quality of being worthless or futile.
“the vanity of human wishes”
synonyms: futility, uselessness, pointlessness, worthlessness, fruitlessness
“the vanity of all desires of the will”

Who’s to define “excessive pride” though? What you want is not worthless, don’t let anyone tell you that. I just think it’s negative for you to use that word.

When you did your extender work, did you take any IPR style breaks, or did you just slap that thing on like it was your job?