Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

People here say things like:

“How did you gain 1.6” in girth?”
“I'd give my left nut for your size.”
“What is your secret?”

I’ve shared bits and pieces of it, throughout my time here at Thunder’s Place. Temperance, focus, mindset…some of the routines I use (I put everything down I can recall). I’ve linked every device I can feasibly remember gaining from. However, one element is missing from all of those posts.

Obsession.

I speak on depression, how I never gained while depressed. However, fighting depression, fighting that emptiness…being inspired did drive me to gain. But to be so inspired to gain, to fight that grim mindset…PE became an obsession. And…every time I get bored, I get down on myself, or I lament my lot in life…I go back to PE with a grim determination. With a burning desire to etch out some good from the funk I’m in. A sense of accomplishment in the face of the pain and impotency of being unable to change other aspects of my fate. Gaining, especially in the face of adversity, inspires me. It places me in a place that I am in control and I'm doing something select few men can do as well as me.

PE, like anything you do repeatedly, is a skill. Research, practice and execution…are the traits of honing a skill and I’m good at it. Exceptional, to some. And…when you know it, when you feel it in your soul that you know and understand something intrinsically and naturally…that you’re an artist at your craft, whatever it may be, you are empowered beyond the layperson just learning. You are beyond those who are academically trained in it. Because your craft is a part of you and you know, without looking, exactly what is happening. Whether it’s how easily you flow in dance, effortlessly you fire a weapon, or how you subconsciously amend your routines to keep gaining or add to your deconditioning breaks because you know it isn’t time yet again to return to the game actively.

All of these things create that true master of a craft. And when you’re there, it isn’t “if” you achieve your goals but “when and how far you set them from where you are now”. All of those posts I have written about “being a winner” and “visualization and faith” and “the law of attraction” (most of those can be found here: thoughtfulgold’s Method) culminate into you creating a reality where you are an unstoppable force coming towards your goals. Where you are the only thing stopping yourself and you’ve just removed that last barrier to success.

**Important note-When you set limitations upon yourself, realize what they are for. When you say a goal is “ridiculous” or “impossible” that limit serves you no good purpose. It ONLY serves to console you when you fail. Literally, accepting a limitation is a cushion for inevitable failure.

Am I’m wrong? Tell me one thing that believing a 10” or larger goal is ridiculous does for you? How does it assist you in your quest? Does it make gains to a smaller goal come faster? Or does it just cause your mind to generate the reality where you live governed by that limitation you just set? Victory has no limitation but your imagination. Remember this and keep that thought close as you achieve greatness, on whatever path you walk.

Winners are obsessed with winning. Whatever it is that they win. They fight for a prize and they achieve these prizes.

The dark side of this is easily seen, if you care to look at it. In PE you sink countless hours into research, thousands of dollars into gadgets (I have spent $500 in the last 4 months alone counting my X50 gathering dust and a few other odds and ends, probably pushing my lifetime total past $10k) and I can say that when you are consumed with doing something, it reflects in the life you live. You have to accept that and welcome that. And with something like PE, it takes you down a road of masturbation, lots of alone time and reflections on your sexuality and your true goals.

Every man who says they’d kill ten people to have my penis…do they really understand what they’re asking? I doubt it. Let me put it like this:

Do they want to put in this level of work to get it?
-Countless hours
-Incredible expense
-Repeated failures and stall points for no discernible reasons
-Extended time in solitude

Do they really want to run the risk of being too large for their partners or the majority of women at large?
-Carrying lube everywhere
-Buying specialty condoms, keeping them in every jacket and car
-Coping with spotting and blood during intercourse as a distinct possibility and likelihood
-Writing off anal sex indefinitely if not permanently

Do they want to be plagued with insecurities of being too large or too small?
-Anxieties that won’t go away, even with no rational causes
-Being so large a loved one will turn you away
-Not being the biggest someone has had and allowing your pride to make this a requirement or it be a part of sex that is mandatory

Is the amount of work going to even have benefits that they can reap?
-Your long-term partner may not be able to handle you
-You sacrifice sexual frequency and add difficulty
-A huge penis doesn’t make you smooth with the ladies, so more sex is not in the cards unless you get over the social stumbling blocks and sex being the primary purpose would make a huge penis a poor investment compared to becoming legitimately confident.

Is a penis 9x6” or larger something these men who crave it can even mentally grasp the ability to handle?
-Technique and finesse are now important
-Saying ‘it’s not that big’ isn’t cute anymore, you have to be considerate
-Can they grasp the fact that you have to change your entire sexual repertoire to suit a different size and penetration pattern?

If you understand all of those things and they’re fine by you, then you’re ready. You’re going to get to where I am now at the time of this post 9.25” Bone Pressed Erect Length 6.18” Mid Shaft Erect Girth and 7.25” Base Erect Girth and exceed those markers with ease.

If you just are seeing visions of being a porn star and reliving your favorite videos with the women of your choosing you are going to get bored, annoyed, waste a bunch of time and money long before you reach any lofty goals. Reaching truly large cubic volumes requires dedication and real drive to achieve. The easy gains stop coming quickly and only the determined can drag it out even when the gains are truly tiny. And that drive…comes from that obsession. From taking your goal and making it a reality that you are always striving to reach and already living in.

The question posed to yourself about PE daily has to change. No longer is it “Will I keep gaining?” it becomes “When will I choose to stop gaining?”

Because that is what it has to be.

Having uncorked the porn demon, I partook of some erotica. Foolishly. Three times. Before breaking myself of it again. Imperfect creature I am but…refusing to pretend I’m anything but who I am.

My night and morning wood is actually okay…if I stop masturbating. So I will. I’m managing to keep my thoughts of my girlfriend. Who can’t have sex due to oral surgery anyway for at least a week, probably more. So this is good time to detox. Just dropping this line because I’m working on my goals, always.

Also, pictures of my first hanging foray in a bajillion years here: Hanging: Take #1

A link to the wrap I used, here: https://www.ama … /dp/B00CM589B8/

TFG

In my eyes you just achieved “PE philosopher level” with that post.

Really an insight in the way you work on PE, what it means for your life and not hiding the pro and cons of having a big dick.
I think your acronym is really well chosen - high value as gold has, and thoughtful indeed.

Wishing you good luck for controlling your obsession with pictures - we’re fighting the same fight there!

Regarding your porn relapse, these things happen. We are all human beings and imperfect by nature. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re smart enough to recognize things for what they really are so just keep moving forward and forget about the past. You know yourself very well, that’s half the battle.

Best of luck in your journey brother.

I had this exact problem last week. I would watch porn 5-10 times a day and masturbate 3 times daily. But I recommend permanently blocking porn, erotica and other adult content on your devices, make a password that you will not remember write it on a paper then throw the password away, allow thundersplace and block every other thing. That is what I did and it helped tremendously I have reduced urge to masturbate and if do I edge. And don’t beat yourself up about it that’s the worst thing to do, take action instead. Also let your girlfriend know so she can help you, spend most of your free time together. I hope she recovers quickly from her surgery. Good luck man.

Thanks Seneca. The question isn’t “do I know me?” but “when will I overcome that part of me?” and sometimes…knowledge is not enough power.

Thanks dsdany606.

I’ve got a plan. I’m working through it. I haven’t dug back through all my other porn stuff. I’m weening off sensibly. No images for at least a week. I haven’t ejaculated in about 3 days. I’m working through it and looking at NoFap solutions. It’s just a matter of time. I can do it. I do appreciate the sentiment, though.

Keep fighting the fight! You’re well acquainted with the benefits.

I ain’t quitting. I’m just annoyed. But I’m still fighting. Thanks man.

I don’t speak to attain a level of PE philosophizing. I just speak on what I have found to be true, after years at this. And when you seek these goals, you have to understand the thing you desire. Understand the effect of the thing you seek, both on your life and your partners in the future.

Your views on sex must change as your size changes. If you seek a size well beyond what a woman can be reasonably expected to fit comfortably, you have to change how you see and perform sex. And…your partner selection has to change to someone who likes that level of challenge and punishment. I counseled a member today on girth problems at 5.5” girth in his case. So when you target goals like 6.5” or bigger…you are forced to accept different physics for the sex you have.

I have always spoken on the pros and cons of having a big dick. I do not glorify the person I am because I’ve grown my penis. So many men believe everything gets better once you’re bigger and I hate that myth, with a passion unrivaled by anything but cheap pistols and styrofoam plates.

My name ain’t quite that noble. thoughtfulgold: The Origin Story

I can only do what I can do. Control is within my grasp, I merely have to take it.

True enough. But it’s a very good starting point, and like I said that’s half the battle.

Just keep at it. It may take some time but you’ve shown the patience, consistency and tenacity over 9 years to get where you want to be.

I know you’ll get there.

I believe in you. You got this!

It’s only taken around 8 years (counting 8 this coming August so in 1 month and 5 days). Tenacity isn’t the word. Obsession is the word and I chatter about that a few posts up.

I know I’ll get there, because I’m motivated to get there. Mentally, I’m already there.

Right now, I just deleted my entire porn stash. Even the one on my old hard drive, which I salvaged important files to keep on this laptop that is my current machine for now.

While deleting the file, my body had a cold chill. Almost a tremor. There was a weird tingling in my head, want to say it was the front of my brain, watching the files delete permanently. My head has a weird, dizzy feel to it now. My stomach is mildly queasy. I could feel my body reacting when I deleted the folder. It was a feeling I can only say felt like the instant before the drop on a roller coaster slope with none of the enjoyable context. The back of my head, at the base of my neck, has a dull ache in it. I feel sluggish and kind of down.

Because, this time unlike all the other times, everything was gone. No search histories, no links, no files…all of it was on the old hard drive (I found a hidden folder on it that survived after the drive initially quit on my desktop) and that folder was the cause of my last relapse. Because my old computer dying was how I went cold-turkey originally. Now, there’s no porn anywhere on any hard drive I own.

After the files deleted, I spoke with my girlfriend on my porn pathology. I started up watching YourBrainOnPorn, the YouTube video here:

And I’ll talk about my pathology for you, the reader, here. Because maybe bits and pieces of it will resound with you. Maybe you’ll see what it is I see or you’re in that same maze of self-gratification that I was in. A Dark Journey into the Porn Habits of thoughtfulgold

I’ve been thinking about my erection generation situation. I know my issue is mostly in my mind, in how it functions to create erections for sex. That my penis functions well. Both porn, with erections for hours, and Viagra to fuck for hours have proven that there’s nothing physically wrong with the actual equipment I have aside from the curve, which is my own aesthetic problem.

When I masturbate less I get more spontaneous erections. When I cut porn out, they actually happened regularly. Which, they are coming back much faster than before. Nocturnal ones more than one the ones during the day. So I’m progressing well.

I had sex yesterday. Only managed around 60% EQ, which is common without some kind of aid like Viagra. But…she only gave me manual stimulation, not oral. So…that sounds like progress as oral is usually much better. I sense that going fapless will help long-term with what arouses me and how much.

Speaking of Zero Masturbation, I didn’t start masturbation until I was in my early almost mid twenties. I had several screwed up views on sexuality. One of which was that my penis was small and fragile and if I masturbated I’d bend it more or break it. My erections were always pretty pliable, even when fully erect, so I felt this was a very big issue and treated my penis like a piece of glass…pretty much my entire life. Plus I was made to believe my penis was small, I was underdeveloped…not going to go into that any further than to say it was a long-term mind fuck that was all bad and the side-effects linger to this day.

But, perhaps now that I have overdone it, I can go and be happy with myself without masturbation. And just have sexual encounters with the live-in girlfriend and condition myself to just have sex and enjoy it. This is theory but…the urge to masturbate has been low to nil since 6/26 when I posted on my porn habits so…there ought be hope yet.