I write on this topic all the time. Check thoughtfulgold’s Method if you don’t believe me. But…I’m going to talk a bit, just a short bit, on the weapon that matters most.
When I first touched on porn again…I wanted to solidify in my own mind that I was a porn star. I went into that in A Journey into the Porn Habits of thoughtfulgold. But…the trick…isn’t in the video comparisons, the picture and aspect ratio measurements (thank you pornmeasurements.tumblr.com, your work is vital) but…that isn’t the best trick. It’s in the mirror.
After a hanging set today, I went into the bathroom and stroked to about a 9/10 erection and just looked at myself bobbing in the mirror. No camera, nothing. Just me. Appreciating myself. What I had done. How attractive I felt the entire package (meaning person) looked. Freshly shaven cock, 2 day stubble on the face (my personal style) and most importantly…my happy face.
How many of us are looking in the mirror with a smile on our faces? We use the mirror and the ruler but…not anywhere in any progress log (and I’ve read hundreds of posts) have I seen anyone mention smiling at themselves when they measure or look at themselves.
I almost slipped again. I went to a porn site. But…I’d click on the videos…nothing would happen. My mind wouldn’t rev up. Funky camera angles and overly made up women…in seconds I was turned off. I just…I don’t need porn anymore. And the reason is…I am my own porn star. And not because I have a giant penis. But because…the person I am…is happy enough with my entire self that I don’t need porn to pad my ego. Or to validate me or my journey.
Not anymore.
So many of us are measuring ourselves based on invisible and inflated "numbers" generated from porn. So many of us are trying to "measure up" to these "cock titans" that we are forgetting something. We are forgetting the intrinsic value of our penises. Forgetting the value of our own vital self-concepts and instead basing self-esteem on "how close we can get to Mandingo/Shane Diesel/Danny D/Insert 17 other porn stars here" and expecting good results. The fact is, using adult stars as role models is self-destructive. Because…they aren’t real. The images they portray are not real people! They are exaggerated caricatures of real people in incredibly contrived fantasy situations that strain to mimic real life to make money!
Fredrick Lamont is famous for being short, like 5’ 7" short. His penis looks massive, not only because statistically it is…but on his shorter body with the smaller partners his directors pick…it’s a huge thing to be able to focus the camera on! We base our goals on being like a guy that 80%+ of us are taller than! The entire proportion makes no sense if most of us are 5’ 11" or better because it would mean we would need penises between 14" and 16" to achieve a similar proportion to his penis to body ratio! But, when we talk about who has the "ideal cock" or the "cock I’d kill ten guys for" or "if the cock genie granted me a cock I’d want…" we conveniently forget…one vital thing.
We, as grown men not children looking up to legitimate rolemodels, are literally basing OUR images and our FUTURE images ON FALSE ROLEMODELS! Fakes! Professional fakes! You cannot be like someone who only is a legend in his field because he fucks nothing but starved midgets with funny camera lenses and angles! Think about this! How can you measure up to someone who can move the bar for the goal at leisure, with a director, film editing and props?
I was in the mirror, looking at myself and I realize…I’ve run out of lube. I have to get more if I want to keep having sex this week. I realize I’ve picked up hanging with the Bib regular size, not my Bib Starter…because it fits finally. I actually continually, even when I said I knew, don’t know and realize…these are important steps that me as someone above average size have to remember. Chasing professional fakes actually helped me forget the real progress I had made!
I will never be Mandingo. Because I will not go into porn and find an endless stream of skinny sex dolls to fuck so that my dick looks bigger. Nor do I have that desire. And wanting to be like Mandingo is like wanting to be McGyver or Spiderman. All possible in the imagination…and a movie studio. Not real life. There’s a difference in wanting to be the next LeBron James and wanting to be the next Mandingo. One of these is a real person. One of these is a stage name for a guy who would rather not be recognized outside of the studio.
Mandingo does not pay bills. Mandingo does not shop for groceries. Mandingo does not cash a paycheck or have a family. Mandingo is a creature of fancy created by Fredrick Lamont to make a living. That is Mandingo. I put his real name in bold because the image of his fantasy character is much larger than the man himself. The man that actually lives a real life outside of the set!
Do not mistake me. I do not begrudge a man like Frederick Lamont his living. It’s an honest living and fraught with physical peril of disease and a horrible image outside of the cameras and lights. The money is made honest. But it is made off of the insecurities and fantasies of men who should know better. The living is honest, because we choose to give it to him. Porn, for entertainment value can be a good thing. Porn for some kind of real value for your life goals is a dangerously bad thing.
Until your PE journey is about you reaching goals that you set for yourself for personal reasons, it will never truly be of value to you. Chasing porn stars and ex-boyfriends is ultimately hollow, painful and dangerous to your own mental state. Take it from someone who has done it for going on 8 years. From someone who fueled a pornography addiction with those fantasies. Who based an entire pathology on fantasy, enough to devote time to real PE to be like fake men.
Reality. Dose yourself on the greatness in the mirror. Or be poisoned by the false images on your screen steeped in dark fantasy.
Daily choice. Every time you touch the internet. It is yours.
