Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

I hate my IR lamp. Mainly because setting it up is such a bitch that it never actually works. I can’t get it to shine on my penis and hands while I do the exercise or use whatever device because the clamp that came with is complete garbage. So unless I built or bought a better clamp lamp I really can’t speak on how effective infrared heat really is. A great majority of my PE is done near my computer desk which is a very large and old desk that has no place for the clamp to effectively latch onto.

The heating pad is so much simpler to use, especially when pumping, and for me manual warmups are adequate and I edge for 20 minutes on average prior to starting a PE routine.

I love the IR lamp concept and I found a technique used by another user which has something to do with a cheap microphone stand but I also have other things to spend money on that is not large and bulky PE equipment. So I don’t know how well that works but I suspect it can offer you solid heat and stability.

I masturbated last night after sex. A touch more than I should have and I planned on lightening the load as it was. Then people started blowing up my cellphone for important matters. So…between calls it’s easier to do TG Squeezes instead of focusing on wrapping, hanging and how it feels.

Put on Subliminal
Edging for 10 minutes
3 clamps warmup for 4 minutes
4 TG Creeping Squeezes

Other Notes

IR heat was mentioned again. It reminds me of the lamp sitting on my desk with no stand. A user brought up a microphone stand some time ago and it seemed like a really smart idea then but I didn’t have the budget. So I may put it together and use this heat to hang. As that may actually be a HUGE deal in speeding up the gaining process here. And plus, a microphone stand will adjust well into different hanging positions.

Almost slipped back to porn. Fought my way back. EQ has been crappy due to the amount of adult and boring shit I’ve dealt with today. Student loans are worse than any torture I can safely name. But I’m in control of it. I had an incredibly low EQ erection and ejaculated, which worried me also.

Too much on my mind and PE sometimes can’t fit into the adult life. Hanging is getting to be a huge commitment. Jesus.

PE and sex as stress relief is a great idea. Till you are so stressed that you have EQ trouble and you can’t clear your mind enough to enjoy yourself. This Catch-22 is part of the issue that no one thinks about, when they’re saying sex and PE builds EQ and confidence. *sighs*

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt, The Man in the Arena-April 23, 1910.

Sage words, from a long time ago no less. Inspiring also, I thank you Buckfever.

I list my failings and my issues here, as much as I can. Because…the reality of any true accomplishment is that it is lined with failures, futile efforts and frustrations. Many of which cannot be avoided. I want others to understand that before envying me for the path that I’ve had to take.

Failure is an interesting term. One with negative connotations.

As I try to be kinder to myself I also try to view failure as learning.

In a strange twist it is this very ‘Failure’ that we speak of that resulted in you having a 9 x 6+ penis. It resulted in me persisting when I was stuck and finding a better way.

And on a similar thread, who would have thought you can gain more by doing less. IPR.

The world is full on contradictions. I think the term failure is one of them.

SB.

The term “failure” is a short-term, immediate word. A long string of demoralizing failures…which sparked the drive to continue and defy odds, convention and plain common sense to create said 9x6” penis. Many failures, injuries, squandered monies…(still haven’t gotten the X50 to work right yet…)

Failure is a word that describes one moment, frozen in time. It is the epitome of the concept “small picture” or “short-sighted”. The fact is these things have lined my journey and my ultimate victory is one built on continued efforts from failure to failure to success and success and back again.

Failure is not contradictory for me to use. It simply is a word for a single instant in time. No failure lasts forever unless you let it.

This is performed in a computer chair (convenient, right?) and is my stop-gap for if I’m not hanging that day or I just can’t fit it in the day.

Do the same warmup you do for hanging, if possible for best results.

Lean back, as though relaxing with your body laying at around a 45 degree angle in the chair.
Grasp using fist and pull straight up on penis along stomach. Hold for 30 seconds. Perform 2-4 of these stretches

Sit erect, on the edge of your seat leaning slightly forward.
Grasp using fist and pull straight down towards the floor. Hold for 30 seconds. Perform 2-4 of these stretches

Sitting erect, leaning forward and planted firmly on your seat
Grasp using fist and pull along your thigh using your opposite hand. Hold for 30 seconds. Perform 1-2 of the stretch in both directions
(so if you’re stretching along your left leg, use your right hand and swap when you do it along your right leg to your left hand)

The stretch list, as far as I’m concerned, is the equivalent of around 1 set if you’re hanging nicely at the end. No more than 3 entire sets of these stretches should be needed and resuming hanging the next day should still leave you on track at the same weights.

It occurs to me now that I’ve not only come a long way as far as gains and emotional progress…but I am much like the guys I used to want to be like. The process was gradual, physically anyway. The entire idea was ludicrous at first but…it’s real now. I speak a lot of a guy who was hanging heavy weights and doing super sets (which I had no idea what that meant and still sort of don’t know) and now, with me hanging and doing 5x clamping sessions to warm up and between hanging sets…I’m a lot like that guy in my mind.

Then I look at myself. I couldn’t manage to hang today so I invented a stretching technique (featured above this post, “Heavyweight Stretching”) to mimic it enough so that if I do have to take the day off I can preserve progress and keep hammering away at my hanging goals and progress. I am just like that veteran that puts in the time and lives his life with PE next to his other priorities, having sex and masturbating daily or so and still maintaining other hobbies. Something a PE veteran would do, without a thought, to stay on track. I do not know if it’s a common practice to substitute heavy stretching for hanging, as I don’t frequent the hanging forums and have no idea what the protocol is…but I imagine it may be something similar. That I likely haven’t reinvented the wheel with stretching so that I can give the weights a rest…but it’s the thought process of a driven veteran heading towards a goal. It’s not the thought process of someone who is still researching PE and looking for a method to use but someone optimizing a mixture of methods to get towards his goal. A chief difference between the newbie and the veteran but…not one I truly applied towards myself with any seriousness.

I had sex tonight and it came to a point that I couldn’t enter without lube. I could not. No matter how I tried. The friction and the squeeze reaction kept me out, as forcing it is not practical or considerate of my partner. And…that…that means something. We had a great session, she shook the walls and we went out walking at Walmart after but…it’s a turning point. She supports me but I’m headed down the path of ‘it ain’t gonna get any easier and I accept that I may hinder my own sexual frequency’ if I keep getting bigger. A concept I academically grasped years ago but thought it had no practical application. That it never actually happened to anyone and it was a series of tall tales spun to blow the minds of newbies like myself but…here I am and I have to admit what’s true. Believe it or not, this is your choice.

Faced with that though, the consideration comes of stopping PE. I will not, though. Because I enjoy it. Because my partner enjoys it and is interested in what happens next. And…because I want to learn more about the other techniques and devices I haven’t mastered. I refuse to be hindered by what anyone else but me thinks of my penis. And those that matter most support my endeavors, which helps even if it isn’t required. No one lives their lives waiting for permission to do something. But affirmations are a nice thing to have. And affirming oneself is the most potent thing one can do. I love myself, how I look and how I’m changing. Most importantly though, I love what I’m doing. I’m passionate about PE and that in itself is reason enough to go on for me at this point.

I sometimes mention that I am here to help others succeed in PE, that I want to be the guy who could have saved me a lot of time and money by offering a helping hand. But…I look at all these posts and PMs and I have to realize…maybe…I have come full circle…

Maybe…I'm that guy now…

Put on subliminal
Edged for about 40 minutes
Performed lightweight stretching in 4 directions
3 TG Squeezes
Hung 6.25lbs for 5 minutes (changed first set to 7.5lbs)
Hung 7.5lbs for 15 minutes
Hung 7.5lbs for 13 minutes (hangar shift cut session short)
185/240 minutes at Straight Down

Pumped afterwards, using heating pad and lukewarm (summer room temperature tube to start)
7HG 2 minutes
10HG 1 minute
12HG 1 minute
14HG 1 minute
16HG 1 minute
18HG 1 minute

Other notes

Fastening the hangar after warming up with TG Squeezes was almost painless.

EQ was low today (too low to clamp after edging so long), probably due to sex and masturbation last night with the heavy stretching so…no clamping today.

Felt no fatigue early on in first set. Which is a warmth in the ligaments at the base on the left and right, towards the top (as far as I can tell), combined with a tugging, tension sensation like ropes at the limit. Upped weight to 7.5lbs early in first set. Felt fatigue after addition, no hangar issues. Continued session as normal.

Leaning to one side intensifies the sensation on the opposing side. I understand the logic now of hanging while laying flat in bed to one side or the other, though I haven’t done it yet.

Between sessions felt one lig pop on the left and right side with stretching.

Start of second set was not comfortable. The first 5 minutes of the first set at 6.25lbs may have been integral to my continued comfort comparing first and second sets. Discomfort subsided within 3 minutes of starting second set.

Hangar shift at 13 mins in second set. Concluded 7 minutes early.

With no afternoon plans tomorrow I may be able to squeeze in 60 minutes and close out Straight Down for now. Maybe. If I manage the hangar correctly

During the pumping I was unable to get a good picture. The house was hot and humid. The pump, due to something I can’t foresee, was losing pressure faster than normal (cuz usually it doesn’t really budge from when I pump it up past 10HG) and I couldn’t hold the phone, heating pad and get a good pic of the tube. At 18HG It looked like .25” further than normal however. I could barely read it. *shrugs*

18HG, new record

Somehow, I finally lost my ruler. Thank heavens. *laughs*

A word of wisdom I thought of that’s part of my mindset regarding hanging and the time constraints:

I'm not waiting for a big penis, I'm creating a big penis.

Man, this is so incredibly enervating. I mean my EQ dropped yesterday due to the heat and fatigue. And now…it’s down because…I just have done too much with my penis. I masturbated just to do it and I’m really wondering how long I can keep up hanging day in, day out. I originally planned to do 3 sets of 20 minutes today but…I know I can’t having masturbated recently unless I wait a couple hours…and I don’t really see myself warming up and doing it.

When I hung before, it was 2 on, 1 off. Which didn’t see any real gains to my recollection but some base girth. And I know that’s not the schedule hanging takes for success. But mind-numbing? Man. I feel like mashed potatoes just thinking about my dick today.

I’ll update if I actually do a routine today but…at this rate I may double down on finishing my Tiger Trap and do a few sets with it and go back on Decon.

Caption porn is apparently much more popular and mainstream than I realized. There’s tons of it on YouTube. User accounts devoted to it.

I found one and nearly fell back in the hole. It’s a hard way to go, fighting porn every day. But…on a day like this when my body chemicals already were on a downswing…it went alright. I’m happy I fought it. I don’t feel porn free. But…I feel empowered because I fought my pathology and won. I mean…I guess a drinker can go into a bar, take a drink then go home and feel bad and like a failure of sorts. Even though that’s a battle won, by a more than indirect fashion.

Now, will I be back here tomorrow night talking about a porn binge??

We shall see. (I’m betting not.)

You can do it friend. Stay strong.

I quit smoking over twenty years ago. I can tell you it wasn’t easy. For a long time afterwards I was tempted to relapse. Smoking was all around you twenty years ago so it was a constant temptation.

But I knew it wasn’t good for me and I just stayed strong and made up mind not to succumb to the temptation of going back to smoking.

When I read about what you’re going through it reminds me of what I went through trying to stay smoke free. Avoiding triggers was probably the most important thing for me but it’s like that really when you’re trying to beat any addiction. Avoid triggers.

You can do it TG. You are obsessed with PE and it’s been great for you in terms of your gains, confidence, etc. Use that same obsession to kill porn in your life.

Stay with it friend, you can do it. I’m certain of it.

EQ was raging most of the night. And morning. Till I found out my stomach was empty. I feel okay. I an only more inspired to move forward.

Your support is valued. Not only because I am struggling but…because other guys are struggling and maybe reading this. I can say that the pathology I have red flagged in my brain. Plus red flags for new pathologies, combinations that can take me down a bad path. I put them here so I can look again later, gather strength in my clarity of mind and keep moving.

Smoking is a heck of a monkey to beat. My congratulations to you, cuz it can come back. My mom went back after 15 years to quit again for another 15. From 15 to 18, the last years of the BelAir cigarette.

When I quit smoking I started feeling better almost immediately, meaning within a month or so. It looks like the same for you with quitting porn, better erections pretty quickly.

When I quit and was tempted to relapse I simply told myself: ” I’m not going to smoke today because I feel a whole lot better and I want to keep that feeling.” And the urge to smoke would pass. You may want to try the same type of thing if you get the urge: “I’m not going to do porn today because it will negatively affect my EQ.” And hopefully the urge will pass.

It’s not going to be easy. I quit 5 or 6 times, a couple times for over 6 months, before I finally quit for good. It’s to be expected that relapses will occur and I see from following your threads that you’ve had a couple.

It’s ok, these things happen. Just keep the big picture in mind which is bigger and better erections and you’ll kick it TG.

I’ll be watching your progress and I wish you the best.

After 10 days of hanging, I took 2 days off. Something well against the hanging methodology. And…quite honestly, I’ve lost the motivation and momentum. In my time doing PE I’ve never been one to run hard enough that I did things every single day. It just wasn’t me and still isn’t. I know the theory. I know why it works. I even was on the cusp of really getting some ligament work done.

But the idea of hanging again makes me cringe. I just don’t enjoy it at all. And at this point I’d be forcing myself to do it. And maybe that’s the inner lazy bastard in me or maybe hanging just isn’t for me but…I can’t see slapping the hangar on again. I mean I could try. I could hope that I haven’t toughened my ligaments with 2 days break. But…I doubt it. And even if I have not toughened up…I don’t really want to continue.

I spent a few hours deciding whether I was going to submit this entry. That in itself says that hanging isn’t really for me if it gives me such low levels of zeal. The shit really is mind-numbing. I mean I’m sure it works. I’m sure it can work. Maybe I can make it work some other time but…for Hanging Foray #2? I’d say it’s a wash.

More power to the hanging crowd, you all are better men than I. At least for now.