Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

Hi Rupendra21,

I have already answered this post when you asked it in the “Ask anything you want” thread. Please go back through your post list and find that thread, my response is below.

Additionally do not copy and paste the same post on other people’s progress reports. This is disrespectful.

ThoughtfulGold, Just thought I’d stop in and say thanks for all the great advice. Glad to see your doing well. Even my lazy self saw gains with your advice…haha.

Hey, glad to be of service. I try.

My kit to convert my Sun Tea Jar is here today. It converts just fine. I’ll be starting a new thread and showing the step by step conversion. Needs no tools. Simple.

I sent back my second ball stretcher weight to get the right diameter. I’ll talk about it in the start of the log and include some pictures of a poor fit and better one.

It begins today.

I spend a lot of time in my life living it. These days I am much busier than I used to be. A lot of things are going on. So my PE time slots are becoming more rare and precious.

Because of the nature of my current pumping project masturbation needs to be avoided. The post orgasm sensitivity can persist in some form for a couple of hours and this is prohibitive when warming up and actually performing pumping style I’m doing because of the extreme pressures required.

But sometimes masturbation cannot be avoided. I’m just posting here to vent a little bit as it has me a little frustrated. I may be able to squeeze a session in late tonight if I’m really sharp otherwise I’ll just have to put it off again.

I don’t know who I’m writing this entry for, exactly. I don’t know who reads these as this long spirals onward. I have my current logs detailed in activity chronicles elsewhere, they’re all business and all most folks are interested in. This log originally had my manual and pumping and clamping adventures but now is mostly reflections, which is what this post is today.

Force of will.

Let that phrase seep in. Let it be an important concept to you for a few minutes as you read. Realize, that without force of will, that you are nothing. That you cannot fight the tides of entropy and apathy and that you will cease moving, cease caring and cease any semblance of actually living.

If you are chilly and cold at that idea, if it moves you to despair and you feel powerless and frustrated…then you understand what you are giving up. What you need to make life shine.

Now, you know exactly what you need to make every PE session outstanding. This very thought came to me during and after this session: Round 35: Readying for another macro cycle

That force of will is intrinsic and when I feel it bursting out of me, my sessions go better and my entire day sparkles like I can’t miss and can’t lose. I never let this feeling drift too long and it keeps me coming back to all the projects I have got going. Not just Ball Enhancement, PE4F pumping, sleeping around while looking for a primary polyamorous mate and re-habilitating my knee…

…but the honing of the body and soul for me is ongoing. And other events. And really…if you follow this belief that you create your reality with force of will…then you will sunder the Earth beneath your feet as you stride forward and those too timid to take control of their journey will fall away as you progress beyond their worldviews. You can’t wait for approval. You can’t do what’s politically correct. Not if you want to create the perfect version of yourself that you want to be.

When you are empowered in your every action, you aren’t looking for explanations other than your own will crafting your own Destiny. And really, that is all you will need. To be that level of self-possessed to generate your own success.

In PE or Life.

Hey T, I’m reading - keep it coming!

Making your dick bigger is great, but your philosophical comments are the best. I agree.

Yes thoughtfulgold, I’m reading your comments. Keep them coming.

Alright guys, guess I was just being self-deprecating for a little bit. I’ll can that and power forward. I mean I’m not going to miss a post if I got somethinn’ to say, I just know a lot of guys are looking for PE miracles not inward reflections or ‘naval gazing’ as one guy put it.

I will carry on as normal, no worries.

I, too, listen in. I mean it’s not like the intricacies of methodology cannot be found anywhere in the vastness of this archive we call Thunder’s Place.

Most people pay little heed to the mental aspects of PE, and that’s worth exploring.

There is a significant dearth of attention to some startlingly simple correlations.

No one depressed during PE gains.
No one depressed doing PE stays with it.

Most positive guys gain.
Most positive guys in good relationships gain more.
Positive men who are married in a positive, stable relationship and not PE’ing in stealth gain for a longer stretch of time as well as more in the long run.

None of these things are ever more than sideline mentions. Even though many of us respond to the threads of size depressed new members regularly.

The mental aspects are more important in my opinion then the physical ones if you ask me. As the big gainers share so little similarity with methods or durations that no single physical method or way of thought is clearly superior. Except the way of thought that all of these men shared, defining their journeys with inevitable victory at their conclusions.

It tells me that my mind is the key and it will find a way to create my victory if I feed and maintain it.

Why is this not a consistent ideal in PE?

Another loyal reader here. I always look forward to the Reflections and Progress notifications popping up in my inbox. Keep ‘em coming.

Interesting observations. I’ll contribute my experience here.

Deep down, I have a strong sense of inadequacy. This causes self loathing. This self loathing drove me to this site and motivates me to put in the work to change.

However, this is not what I experience on a daily basis. On a daily basis, I feel positive and encouraged. I actually enjoy many aspects of PE. It has become a hobby I look forward to. The daily positivity overshadows the inadequacy and self loathing lurking beneath. Hopefully, someday the positivity will eliminate those feelings completely. I have a long way to go before this happens.

I started PEing back in ‘08 when I was single. The day to day motivation to PE was fueled by much more desperation. It was quite a different experience. I made it a few months and saw little to no results before quitting when I got into a relationship with the girl who would eventually become my wife.

Now, I’m married. I can’t imagine trying to stealth PE. When I got my extender, I showed it to my wife and told her it would be my new underwear for the next few years. She knows why I’m in the bathroom for well over an hour almost every morning. She knows I pump 3x/day. She knows what an ADS is. I can’t imagine trying to PE without her support, or at a bare minimum her knowing that I PE. She knows PE is important to me and that I find it an enjoyable hobby. She never makes me feel bad about it, and she’s nice enough not to lie to me or try to stroke my ego. She tells me when she sees gains, and doesn’t BS me when she doesn’t. I definitely see this as a substantial advantage, and I believe it will help me stick with PE for the long haul and achieve the gains I’m looking for.

Something else I’ve noticed about some big gainers: I believe more than a few of them worked from home. Many hours of privacy on a daily basis is a definite advantage.

I’m fortunate enough to work from home right now. I feel that I’m in a position where all of the external factors are conducive to PE. Unfortunately, as others have pointed out (including you, TG :) ), this has also contributed to a misguided and possibly detrimental sense of urgency to maximize gains as much as possible while I’m able to fit PE into my life without sacrificing too much in other areas.

Anyway, I don’t mean to hijack your thread. Your posts often get me thinking, and I just wanted to share some relevant experience and perspective.

TGold did you progress better during periods of positivity?

It is nice to know folks tune in reliably. I feel a Friday Night Family drama from the 90’s where everyone is sitting down to share in it…*chuckles*

Your naming the scenario of your marriage is exactly why I point out married practitioners. I didn’t point out working from home because that’s not mental and sometimes not a choice we can make. But it may also be a correlating factor.