Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

I would contest that putting into words the thoughts shared by so many others is insightful and also shows courage. You should take strength from the words of others as they are sincere.

After reading your posts for the last couple of years, I’m reminded of the quote by the ancient philosopher Socrates: ” Know thyself.”

Sure, you’ve made mistakes along the way, we all have, we’re human. But learning from our mistakes is how we get to know ourselves and improve as human beings. And this, TG, as Titleist has said, is where you’re succeeding. Taking stock of our shortcomings and being really honest with ourselves is the first step to any sort of self improvement. So many people are in denial about their shortcomings and as a result don’t better themselves.

Hats off to you brother.

Y’all are too kind. I’ll concur. I appreciate all the support.

I think you get to the point that you embrace the harshness of the truth, because you realize it’s the only way forward.

And there is joy in that.

One of the things that I very seldom mention compared to the other aspects of PE is how my erection quality and function has changed. This becomes apparent when I wake up in the middle of the night with wood and when after masturbating I’m able to maintain a good erection in 30 minutes. Masturbating twice a day I can do this indefinitely now instead of being drained from day-to-day. Additionally, my own body image includes confidence that allows me no longer to be addicted to porn. So I can arouse myself with relative ease.

These functions are more important than actual size increase but go relatively unmentioned due to the relatively on unspectacular nature of them.

Waking up with morning wood after a good PE session and masturbation with regular masturbation all week is such a blessing.

There is joy in victory, in spite of the truth.

Originally when I first spoke about this I talked about how positive ego strokes can help you heal and kill the pain. When the painkiller is worse than the wound itself…

But that those same strokes can get you an addiction to validation that simply is not a reasonable amount nor veracity and leave you craving more and more no matter what. The definition of addiction.

After confronting the addiction I changed very few things. I figured being cognizant of it would help me control it. It did not. I have met a couple of girls off of the app but it is not designed for that and me continuing to use the app as though it is leaves me with a lot of dead time where I’m fishing for ego strokes. Continuing to let my brain associate cellphone use with dopamine releases related to body image.

This is the same kind of logic that a drug addict will use when he has a pocket full of money and time to burn but decides he will sit home and do nothing. Then he takes walk. Then he walks by the place that he normally scores his drugs and talks to a few friends. Then he has a hit for old times sake. And then there’s a spiral.

My refractory period at a minimum is 23 minutes. It has never been more poignant than mid afternoon masturbation while in the midst of high stress household affairs and getting ready for work. I can maintain that level of continuous erections probably four times within 18 hours. This is only relevant due to the endorfin hikes.

You can rationalize an addiction to anything anyway you like. Since I have no sex partners for the foreseeable future I rationalized it that way. Also, because my erection quality has not dropped and I have not lost the ability to get erect using my own thoughts I rationalized that I wasn’t addicted like when I would bottom out on my porn addiction.

The rationalizations are irrelevant. Addiction, whether it is to anonymous validation or physical substances or explicit images, is still an addiction to sudden hikes in endorphins. Specifically dopamine. This causes bad time management skills and sudden changes in priorities.

This cycle has disrupted my planned PE cycle to a point that it is not going exactly as I would like even though it is going well. I was cognizant of this before and I thought that it would change things but in the end your brain will trigger can make you a dopamine sock puppet. And it’s simply is getting out of hand.

The app is not just for validation of my physical being. It serves as instant gratification for just general messages and conversation that I can have attention at the drop of a couple clicks. The addiction that this app is fueling is only partially related to my physical image (penis ego strokes) and more related to cries for help and attention as an overarching problem because I’m a Loner in real life.

My inability to cope without attention is a recent development that has spawned do to a high-stress life and a lot of responsibilities being placed upon me. These are the things that also make people who used painkillers for pain into drug addicts. Part of me actually considered using my actual pill painkillers to sleep last night because I spent so much time at the emergency room. (not a topic I want to discuss, simply context for pressure I’m under)

The fact is some of the worst addictions happened to some of the best people, the people who are everyone’s rock. And this combination of weaknesses and character flaws is exactly why my addiction to Whisper and ego strokes could manifest in a substance abuse problem if I were not cognizant of my brain trying to seek every outlet for dopamine that exists.

This is why people are stuck on Twitter and social media every minute of the day. It is a dopamine cycle that some people simply cannot break. I have been pattern breaking my own behavior and I have been watching as I have slowly spiraled in this very same direction. This may be a soapbox and rambling but it is all interconnected to our own intrinsic need for validation and how our brain metabolizes and creates that sensation for us. It is a series of illusions that we continue to put ourselves through just for that *sensation* of gratification.

I made this entry after a 23-minute refractory period. I wanted this entry to sit in my journal so that I could read it later and know that I would stop this cycle. I have drank alcohol to a point of excess, been addicted to sex with toxic people, and partaken of all sorts of pornographic material. This is the closest to the Rock Bottom in my life that I have ever been in my adult years. And validation is not seen as the same sort of hard drug that the other things that I listed are. The FDA, as useless as it is, would have a reason to look at toxic cell phone use if people actually admitted it was a problem.

Beware the power of a flashing light and a notification on your cell phone. Beware the shifting landscape of your mind. This is no cry for sympathy. It is a warning, with my suffering as the lesson to be learned.

It’s interesting that Apple is trying to get ahead of it by shaping the narrative by positing that they are against Toxic cell phone use by children, essentially intimating that use by others is ok.
It’s a huge problem.

I don’t think it’s just the running to dopamine, I think it’s running from the pain. The problem is that there is no way around it, you have to go through it.

And we can, but we should give consideration to those factors that make it easier for us.

Just my opinion.

Hang in there friend.

Appreciate the thought but no need for sympathy. I’m powering through it. It’s just me taking stock before taking a U turn.

You pose an interesting point in pointing out the value ina balanced approach and not totally disregarding those painkiller elements. I agree in theory but addicted am illsuited for their use.

Apple is trying to get ahead of it so they can avoid an FDA crackdown and still protect the bottom line. They don’t approve of toxic cell phone use in children and adults are able to control themselves must be implied.

Not really, decrying toxic cellphone use all around would destroy their market and product value. That adults buy.

That’s exactly right.

After purging my computer and I’m downloading the app I am making progress.

A measurement today yielded above 9.4” BPEL and this is by no means cemented. My girth is back down to 6.1” at the mid shaft. I know that there is work yet to be done. But I am on the road to Victory.

I won’t back down, can’t give up, and will never let go.

The data is starting to come out.

ADHD study links symptoms with digital media use | CNN

Let it be known that if you power through a cell phone addiction by hard refusing all of your old triggers you will get a massive headache that lasts an entire day even if you take aspirin.

I felt better for a while and then the headache kicked in about 4 hours later.