Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

The running theme about what happened to me as far as dopamine addiction is the temporary up or good feeling that rapidly decreased creating a need for more temporary UPS to keep me at a good level mentally and emotionally. This being said the struggle is characterized by extremes on both ends. Days where I’m a slave to dopamine or where I am fighting it the entire day and not relenting.

Both of these are losses.

Temporary victory or temporary happiness are both false and ultimately will leave you empty. The key is harmony.

My body reacted so badly yesterday when I *stopped all of my dopamine sources that I could not find a physical way to be comfortable. I was fatigued with a headache the entire time. I read books, exercised and practiced Spanish but I couldn’t make myself feel better.

Yet on the days where I’m strung out on dopamine and can’t think of anything other than sexual thoughts or other easy ways to trigger release I’m mentally disgusted with myself because I’m useless at that time.

The key is harmony. By no means can I cut out dopamine, it is vital for survival and I physically have a hard time functioning without it. That being said, every time I seek it isn’t a bad thing. The really bad thing about it is that the dopamine circuitry prompts you to seek it more and more but there is a default level, a happy medium that must be met, for you to continue to function whether you like it or not.

Finding that level and not being slave to your desire for dopamine are the keys. Finding sources that will give you the correct amount of dopamine, enough for you to be satisfied but not enough for you to be distracted or otherwise rendered less capable. All of these things are going to be key when recovering from any addiction. It is one of the reasons why many people who recover from physical addictions seek out exercise programs and other hobbies that generate endorphins and dopamine highs. The stimuli will give them what they need but at a lesser level then their original addictions of choice.

I am still calibrating my dopamine intakes and still trying to use metacognition to watch myself and understand what helps me function better throughout the day without compromising any of my mental integrity. It’s a work in progress but at least I can see where my problems lie.

Dopamine is not the enemy, slavery to it is. When you can realize that and take or leave a dopamine source there is no temporary victory in living in harmony with that aspect of yourself.

Did pumping help you with your curvature corection? I have a downward curve and would love to straighten it out. I m doing manual stretches and v stretches and clamping at the moment, seen some BPFSL improvement and better EQ but I need some exercises specifically for the curve, could you help me please, I m pretty new to PE.

A lot of things help with curvature but there is no single Miracle Method I have found.

Stretching vs Pumping? For curves, what do you thing is better?

Curvature causes are entirely too different for me to make a distinction between what is better for curvature. Your curvature direction will mean that a different part of you is curved for a different reason than I am curved. My curvature is congenital and many curvatures are from trauma or from Peyronie’s disease. There simply is no way for me to make a catch-all distinction and I have tried too many things to isolate what works best for my curvature.

There simply is not 1 answer.

Have you ever felt like your curvature limited your gains? Idk I’m struggling with that. I’ve got a curve to the right so measuring with the ruler has always felt like I wasn’t getting a “true” measurement. So I try to straighten the erection when measuring but I do feel limited. Especially on an extender sometimes the whole device will angle to the right and I’ll have to hold it straight and/or I’ll feel the pull more on the effected side and don’t want to overwork it because it could be detrimental. Pumping has helped though most of all, been following your threads and saw the update pic where you felt your unit has looked less curved than before so congrats!

I am sure that it has.

Doing that will cause false positives in your measuring. The amount that you’re able to straighten will vary from day to day so it is not a good idea for a measurement practice even if the curvature is limiting what progress that you can see.

Thank you for the kind words. The progress is nearly nine years and I’m very proud.

Thanks for the answer. I guess I ll try more and more methods see what s going to happen.. Going to buy a pump, thanks thoughtful!

The literal report is here: Session 10 Notes but I want to talk about its meaning and why I posted it.

So much of my PE is anecdotal. I did not Chronicle it in a painstaking fashion and a lot of the details and timeline are jumbled in my mind. A lot of the general principles I used I still remember and I share as I come across them in my memories but exact durations and intensities are lost to me. My PE4F high pressure pumping experiment was to be something totally different. Everyone who has tried this style pumping has failed to chronicle it in exact detail. They give approximate durations and no pressure patterns because none of them use gauges. For me to attempt PE4F pumping I had to have a gauge or I wouldn’t perform the practice. This also would give me a good chance to thoroughly Chronicle part of my PE Journey for posterity and to remove some of the murkiness regarding this pumping technique.

The recap linked above showcases my progress in attaining temporary gains and isolating patterns that will ultimately be effective in the long-term. That recap showcases that over time a routine can change and still be effective. That chronicling with good record can show you things from your past that can help you in your present towards your future goal. It isn’t just guess work and intuition based on dim recollections. That isn’t how it’s supposed to be.

Lastly, the recap is for me to look at later when I do my session end recap at around session 40 or 50. It is to keep me inspired and to preserve that sense of anticipation and eagerness that got me back into PE. Lately I’ve been very excited and been able to make more time and I am extremely happy with this. I want to remain motivated because I feel like all of my goals are reachable, no matter how expansive they may appear to be. This level of empowerment is not a level of empowerment I have ever felt while performing PE in all the years I’ve done it. This is what makes a good log into a great log. It isn’t just for others to take away from and learn from but for you to also take away from and be inspired by.

As I moderate the forum and I continue on my PE journey I realize, being a legend in the minds of some, my actions carry some weight and will outlast my time here. It doesn’t make me conduct myself much differently, as I’m reasonably civil and responsible as a member and moderator but…a lot of the things I say will be quoted or read after I’m gone with a bit more weight than the average member. It’s an odd feeling.

Today I measured a good 8.25” Non-bone pressed. 8.25” Non-Bone-Pressed and I’m still on the gaining route. Some of that is weight loss as I’m down to 173lbs, which competes with my weight as a senior in high school with me being a touch taller. It is a big milestone and as I plod towards the inevitable 9” NBP I simply wish that more guys could be devoted to themselves instead of unhappy.

You have to love yourself. Not be desperate for women, size, money or personal gain. You have to be happy before you can find more happiness and more things worth adding to your life. Otherwise you’ll just add clutter and toxicity. These days, even though I haven’t been laid in months and most of the women who saw my cock recently on Whisper believe it’s entirely too damn big, I’m so happy I can barely stand myself. I just deal with loneliness at night sometimes. The potency of setting goals and not entertaining failure is more powerful than I can even describe.

It exists if you look and you create it for yourself.

“You have to love yourself. Not be desperate for women, size, money or personal gain. You have to be happy before you can find more happiness and more things worth adding to your life. Otherwise you’ll just add clutter and toxicity. … I’m so happy I can barely stand myself. I just deal with loneliness at night sometimes. The potency of setting goals and not entertaining failure is more powerful than I can even describe.”

Thanks so much for writing this. It is the truth, and I needed to be reminded of that today.

Do not give up. I don’t know what you are facing but I kicked dopamine off my back. You can lick this.

Power is intrinsc, remember this.

Hi there. TG here again.

Today, is me celebrating my 9 year annversary of performing PE, me updating my signature stats for the first time since Christmas of 2016 and…this post is my 5000th on Thunder’s Place. For me, it’s a big occasion. Big enough that I’m going to go out for lunch so that I have time to type and reflect on this. Big enough that it will get an entry in my methods list in my signature.

Big enough that I can literally say…I never thought I would get this far…

That is in all honesty. For about a week now I knew this post was coming up. That my 9 year anniversary was coming up. That maybe I should post something but…I didn’t draft anything. No index card speech for an Academy Award. I ain’t an actor or singer. I’m just some dude who got really good at tugging on his dick in creative ways…and this is me looking back.

Beginning
My first phase of PE was plagued with insecurity. Of me having sex with my first partner and absolutely sure I had a deformed and shitty little penis. That was why I bought the X4 labs extender. That was why this journey started in August of 2009. My curvature insecurity. I bought that device and supplements during this time. All bunk, too.

My starting stats were 6.25x4.375” with a 4.9” (never 5”) base. I recall this because I thought reaching 5” throughout would be so huge. I remember sitting in my bed trying to get as hard as possible. Just to measure again and again. I digress.

It wasn’t the girlfriend (my very first) complaining I wasn’t big enough. It never was that. The sex was decent, enough that I kept coming back, and good enough for her that she insisted on letting me know on a regular basis. It wouldn’t compare to sex later, when my EQ and skill was better, but some of this needs to be said now. Additionally, she had pelvic floor problems. So my perceived lack of friction wasn’t just based on my size, as she had other issues she was treated for that had Pelvic Control muscle symptoms. This lasted 1 to 1.5 years, the duration of the relationship in question incidentally. I ended this phase at around 7.25x5.” or a touch larger. My girth was barely enough to hold a magnum condom on at the base, which was 5.5” at the end of the phase.

Marked traumas that happened here was an ex as big as a Campbell’s soup can, which is roundly false and her description varied wildly.

Time- 1 year to 1.5 years.
Size-
Starting: 6.25x4.375”
Ending: 7.25x5”

Dark Days
My second phase of PE was my most exploratory. I call it my “Dark Days”

I tried to spend money on a lot of little things at this time. This is when the cheap Cal-exotics pumps were coming into my life. When I was trying clamping (way too early, girth and technique were nowhere near what they needed to be as well as knowledge) and I also bought my Bib Hangers and hurt myself the first time with them in this phase. I bought my DP4000 pump at this time as well and got exactly nothing accomplished with it also. This is when I bought my equipment from matters of size also. I spent the most money during this time out of the $15,000 that I credit my PE with costing.

I went through a toxic relationship and started sleeping around in this phase of PE. This lasts for probably 3 years or so. I was probably 7.75-8” BPEL and 5.5-5.75” in MSEG at this time. My base girth is around 6.25” at this time or a bit larger. During this phase I basically blew through condom sizes sold in the US due to my conical shape and was in strictly Magnum XL and not having them fit properly or comfortably.

Marked traumas were the existence of the pink toy linked earlier in this log and being tormented by another soup/soda can ex story.

Time- 4 to 4.5 years total.
Size- 8x5.5”

Enlightenment
My third phase of PE was my most enlightened. Starting in 2013 around April I started seeing myself differently with the help of a female friend who still is with me today, and my favorite ex girlfriend. We met on 4/27/13 and on the shred of a chance she’s reading this…It’s over 5 years later, we don’t talk and your impact on me still resounds. Part of me will always be grateful and still loves you.

I spent the time from 2013 to 2016 engaging in learned and willful decisions. This is when I engaged in my best PE. I was with Big Al during some of this time, I learned to use my DP 4000 better and I went back to hanging and got some gaining done. Additionally, I got my skin tag on the left side of my penis surgically removed (which due to the nature of the tissue was not anesthetized, never again) corrected some of my curvature, added some EQ and length. This is when I started going with advanced manuals and also learned proper manual stretching techniques. I also outgrew my extender bases at this point.

With the support of my girlfriend and her constant encouragement I saw incredible size increases and efficiency in my PE. But with the support of my best friend I saw the ghosts of the past finally die. I stopped chasing soup cans and started appreciating the penis I had created.

A step forward, after negotiating the trauma, was joining this place in July of 2016 looking for silicone pumping sleeve information. I started contributing and reflecting at this time and prepared for my current phase.

Marked traumas were unearthing deep wounds that fueled my inferiority complex. Owning those wounds I forced women to give me, that I extrapolated. That I created. Realizing that my size now is already past the ability for most women to comfortably handle. Realizing that vaginal tearing and cervical bruising would become commonplace and part and parcel with sex.

Time-7.25 years or so.
Size- 9x6” at end of 2016 but is more like 8.85x5.8”

Magnum Opus
This phase is my most dynamic. It is marked by revisitation of ALL of my old methods. I spend a lot of money in this almost 2 year span trying some new things and old things again.

I revisit hanging, automated pumping and Bathmate by buying an X50 Extreme as well as revisiting my Penomet prior to this purchase. Hanging and the X50 do not go well. I buy more horse shoe cock rings, purchasing one for sex that works very well, and more Xsleeve sleeves.

I also experiment with IPR theory and multiple clamps. This gets me safely over the 6” MSEG hump and I start researching PE4F in June of 2017. It wouldn’t be until January of 2018 that I am ready to try it. Then it wouldn’t be until July that I am able to test my theory of combining it with clamping before and after the time in the tube.

This phase is marked by my meticulous logging of PE time. Particularly any pumping experiments. It comes to my mind that my best gains after extending came from clamping and pumping which brings me to the present day. It is also marked by my emphasis on the use of heat for everything. Prior to this phase I didn’t use heat much, if at all. But in this phase I go through 4 different heating pads, a space heater and heating lamp before settling on something for any and every exercise and device usage.

As of now, this writing, my stats are 9.25x6.18” at the MSEG measure and 7.3” at the base. I am pursuing a high pressure pumping routine and just passing session 50 total on that.

Time- 9 years as best can be measured
Size- 9.25x6.18”

Victory
At this point my next phase is quite simply the Incarnation of all of my desires manifesting. As a PE practitioner I do not feel then I need to continue to evolve because I have opened my mind to any and every possibility that methods can still add me in my Journey.

I realize that how far I’ve come anything extra that I get is simply icing on the cake. I have ascended past the phase in my life where I need to be bigger. I understand intrinsically inside my heart and soul that whatever it is I desire shall come to pass. That my body is simply an extension of my will. Be it here in a PE context or otherwise.

Me 9 years ago would have never made it here. The person that I evolved into over these years deserves to be here. The person I am now will continue forward as long as he pleases and for no other reason.

Time- Yet to be determined
Size- Limited only by effort

Because I have won.

“You have to love yourself. Not be desperate for women, size, money or personal gain. You have to be happy before you can find more happiness and more things worth adding to your life. Otherwise you’ll just add clutter and toxicity. … I’m so happy I can barely stand myself. I just deal with loneliness at night sometimes. The potency of setting goals and not entertaining failure is more powerful than I can even describe.”

Definate truth i have to remember from time to time. Thks a lot!

Power comes from within.