Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

A friend of mine recently recommended therapy for some of the issues that I carry related to PE in my mind. For years I have discounted therapist as I had bad experiences earlier in my life and no reason to trust them. But the concept is good and the people I know who have therapists all seem to truly appreciate them.

Growing and maturing mentally perhaps it is time for me to consider that a viable option. I do not think I am terribly maladjusted but therapy may be a viable option for many who have walked this path that we walk.

It is just a thought.

I speak a lot on the mind and how to overcome your hurdles. I don’t talk about how you can become addicted to the things you are using to overcome them. That toxic overuse of anything that makes you feel better is as bad as the pain you’re trying to avoid. That, I didn’t speak on because I hadn’t truly run into a toxic validation cycle of my own making and control. So I’ll detail my foray into one.

I had been feeling better about myself. Loving my reflection in the mirror. I thought I was well on my way to self-assurance. But…not quite.

I got on an anonymous confession app. It is a place where nude pictures run rampant and it didn’t take long for me to start asking random people to rate me or compare with other guys. Keep in mind neither of these things are my style at all. And I’m just letting the sexual anonymous environment suck me in.

And of course, the issue is…no one has seen a bigger penis. Not guys not girls. And I’m lapping up all this anonymous validation. I get offers that are asinine and useless. I see tons of dicks and female body parts…and none of this is actually fixing me. I start fishing for validation, joining groups based around it, and it was one of the girls I met off of the app who thinks very profoundly when asked who posed me the question…

“How many dick pics have you sent in the last week or month?”

I had to stop. I had no idea. Me previously, before posting here, had sent pics to 5 people I knew and trusted. That was literally me.

But I had got sucked into a dopamine trap. Notifications and validation had linked in my mind and I was just trapped until she asked me that. Then, I realized…the mental work isn’t just about masking the pain but about not crutching on my accomplishments and being someone worth praise….not fishing for it.

I humbled myself to understand myself better today. Maybe you can look at yourself, too. See anything you’re ashamed of that you created and maybe evaluate it like I have for myself.

Some pretty deep insight. I recently allowed myself to be sucked into a similar trap. Unfortunately, my trap doesn’t lead to validation. It leads to self loathing.

Nonetheless, one of the first things I thought after reading your post was “Hmmm…What’s this anonymous confession app?”

This is very interesting. I too find myself at a milestone. One of the things that I have done recently is reviewing some of the psych courses that Jordan Peterson has posted online which break down the personality characteristics. And with that I have been reflecting, taking inventory of past actions and trying to get as granular as I can, once I see the shortfall, to establish corrective actions - behaviors that I want to put into action going forward.

Yes I think you’re right, it’s a good suggestion.

It’s “Whisper” and in your app store, purple W. Good luck, if that’s what your next step is.

We all walk our own paths and create *most* of our own hazards. I’m surviving mine this time. Maybe skip mine and take my word for it?

We have to understand what makes us fail. Acknowledge and truly see it, from start to finish, manifestation to action…to correct it.

Great posts, TG. Thanks so much.

These are me at my worst. I find it odd that these posts are considered the best.

Because many of us can relate. You choose to confront the issues and then post about them for the benefit of others.

Vulnerability does the seeds of trust. Trust is is the foundation of the greatest teams and relationships.

The candor greatly supports the community.

It exemplifies courage. ” Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgement that something else is more important than the fear.” Ambrose

All of your responses are kind and enlightening. I share, because the truth is always harsher than fantasy. The men who wish they were me need to know that I struggle, even to this day. Because a big penis isn’t a problem solver, it’s just a bigger penis.

Well said. You’re always very insightful.

I contest that. I just lived through enough to know some stuff has to be said. I may be insightful sometimes…but only at the expense of a ton of mistakes to find that insight.

Better that you learned. Many make mistakes and never learn.