Something I’ve learned in my latest forced deconditioning/rest/break/recovery from injury time is when you think about your goals you can’t be guilty.One defining aspect about my time here on Thunders place is that many people struggle to gain and that those people (more than others) see me as a role model or their only hope to get bigger. I don’t like shouldering that responsibility. But I cannot change how people see me, not when they read my gains first, my name second and almost never the rest of my signature. It has gotten to a point where I’m considering removing my size from my signature all together. I don’t like being treated as a living legend and being regarded in such a way. When people are so bereft of hope while just starting their PE career it makes it difficult for me to progress on my own PE Journey.
I haven’t directly listed goals and my own progress report but seldom because so many people are always asking me “what am I up to?”, “what are my secrets?” and “how did you start PE?” even though that is the first page in this log. It is so difficult to say “I have goals that are further than you can contemplate because you haven’t had any progress to know what you’re capable of in the PE Realm.”
And so I never say that. Ever. How could I? I can’t even be honest because a sizable amount of people aren’t able to see past themselves and their own despair with PE, adequacy issues and depression that they are looking to PE to fix. The fact is since I’ve mastered PE to a certain point I don’t have any limits on my goals and the sky’s the only thing stopping me. What I desire is my only limiting factor. Almost 9 years ago I set goals that I believed were too high to ever reach and now this year I believe that they are reachable within two years from now.
I want to reach 10” BPEL. And if I could reach 9”+NBP then that would be even better.
If my theory on how to even out my curve works as planned then my girth will also change drastically to a point much closer to 7” with comparatively minimal effort considering the things that I have tried in the last 3 years that I’ve netted me very little as far as mid-shaft gains. In the last 18 months my net mid-shaft gains have been 1/8” to land me right at 6” solidly. I have been up as high as 6.375” but I have returned to 6” so many time that I have to mark it as my mid-shaft girth for now. Ultimately want to reach 7-7.5” MSEG and 8” BEG.
All of these are goals I set back early 2010 when I imagined that I could actually choose to be bigger after I get started in August of 2009. I had seen some small gains in those 4-5 months, which were all good cuz I was only in my extender regiment to fix the curve, and at the beginning of 2010 I then had ideas floating on the slimmest margin of hope possible. A glimmer of a dream that was still so foreign that when I picked up dildos in local sex shops I was still awkward and guilty feeling for desiring the dimensions that I would hold in my hand for my own.
There was a purple Pearl shine dildo and used to have a big 9 in emblazoned on the top right corner of the packaging if I recall correctly. I remember the dildo was long, thick and incredibly intimidating. About a year ago I encountered it again and it was still longer than I was due to the battery compartment but the girth was no longer intimidating. I was thicker than it was. I could tell this at a glance and at first my only conclusion was the dildo had shrunk, they didn’t sell it the same way. But my perspective had changed so gradually over 8 years that I just couldn’t understand what I used to see and what I used to be afraid of. The Pearl shine dildos are famous for being the same exact thing that they always are and all of them are smaller than they used to be in my eyes. That is not a coincidence or a conspiracy. That is a perspective change.
My perspective has changed so much that I have become the PE veteran but I have always wished would have guided me. The guy with the gains, history and stories who I wish could have shown me the way. I wanted to become this guy so that I could show others the way. It is why I’m active here and why I try to share my journey as completely as possible.
However, the backside of this is that I can’t feel completely unencumbered to seek my own goals when I am constantly giving advice and consoling others about their sizes, goals, traumas and trying to keep them motivated to start PE to begin with. You can’t tell people that start at 5.5x5.25” about your goals to reach past 9x6” in good conscience. All many guys here see in me is legendary pornstar status. So I tend to silently contemplate my own goals and contemplating public the mentality to reach them and the end game that comes with it. But I seldom speak on the numbers themselves. I don’t want to alienate anyone. I remember the intimidation I used to feel when I would read about The Big Bib gainers or the PE gym guys and part of it was why I wasn’t active in the community for so many years after I left the X4 forum. I don’t want to make myself less approachable or make it to where people don’t know how to deal with me because I have a long history and PE and very large goals and an incredible level experience so that I can seek them. I begin to surmise that this feeling of guilt is likely why most people beyond 8.5x6” are no longer active anymore.
I don’t want that to happen to me. I still have knowledge to share and people to help. But I have my own PE journey to complete as well. I have goals that I have earned the right to chase and I should have peace of mind to talk about them. The rules are unwritten almost, regarding people who have reach certain sizes and the conduct that they must have to be polite to others who haven’t or will not or cannot reach those sizes. I don’t want that to change, I don’t want this place to turn into a cesspool like MOS or LPSG. Etiquette is a wonderful thing.
But there isn’t any other place where I can talk about my desire to reach 10x7.6” without totally derailing the thread and question. And it just makes it harder for me to admit that I have these goals even in my own personal log because that is part of the atmosphere of this place. I know how large those goals are. I understand the ramifications. I have given it years of thought and almost hidden from those goals, scared they could hurt me.
I own the goals now. I can also admit that having a penis 5x the volume of average would make me happier than I care to emphaize. That it is a goal I have secretly nursed since junior high, before I knew PE was possible when i was being tormented by bullies about my size (or lack thereof). The flaccid size such an erection would come with would doubtless meet my 7.5”+ flaccid length criteria. So that I hang flaccid longer and thicker than most large men present when erect.
All things I never mention. That would sound like teasing and disparaging remarks at best. It would literally be troll level if I spoke on it anywhere else in the forum but here in my log. There is no section in the Forum Guidelines about how larger members ought to act or any direct penalty listed other than disparaging remarks and vitriolic behavior at other members or the forum will not be tolerated.
Thusly, sometimes the brotherly atmosphere is oppressive to people who have reached a certain size. Titleist doesn’t post as much anymore, I can name probably 6 more who posted when I first started who have stopped. We don’t want things to be awkward or intimidating because we want to help. Almost all of us do, aside from trolls who show up to post a few pics then ask to get rated or the guys who just came here for tips who don’t want to be a part of the community.
I know anyone posting 7.5x5.5”+ in visible sight gets messages asking how to do PE, what is the secret, and many are badly syntaxed Google translate messages from men both desperate and insistent. That it drives people off the forum. I stay, at least for now, because I have a mission while I’m here. But, it gets difficult to say the least.
I suppose it is all part of the mantle that is inherent and having the gains that I have had. A mantle built on me trying to offer all of it is that I know to the community that confers upon me respect but also a duty of a certain sort of conduct and tolerance. I accept that.
Sometimes I would just like to be human, not a living legend, too.
First time reading this one TG, super insightful.
I can’t yet appreciate the struggle, but can see how it could happen.
I imagine it may be like someone who becomes a “celebrity” to others, when at some point, they were one of them.
That all said, I’d love to hear your goals, to understand what you’re going for. If you set a goal of 10 x 7.25 and hit it, it would set a new stage of goals.
Like you, I tend to be consumed by things. Having started roughly where you and Titleist did, I set my growth goals on what you’ve achieved. Achieve more and my goals will increase.
More importantly, it’s how you try to go about achieving your goals that inspires me, and I think many others, on this site.
You’re cutting edge. You’ve been there, you’ve done that. You achieved girth, length, the whole package.
To see you still working, still pushing, shows that you only get what you put in and inspires others.
Best of luck on your goals, I look forward to reading about you achieving them!
