Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

At this point, reading a book with 15lbs attached isn’t realistic.

It has been years since an extender base has come close to trying to fit. Additionally, my heavy bag work would be disastrous even if by some miracle an extender held on.

I am not gone yet. But…the writing is on the wall.

I’ve poked around on phalloboards, but many only post flaccid progress if I remember correctly. I don’t remember seeing many solid examples of erect results.

I’m curious if you have any links to share, but I’m too busy to do the research when I’m not currently considering that path.

Running my 1-2x daily pump sessions for 9-10 minutes at 12.5HG is all I have managed.

Still researching viability of possible surgery. Still training to box and looking at taekwondo as well. I have not felt as good as when my gloves are on.

Still too much overtime and minimal motivation to hang. But staying with it for now.

Why are you keeping both pressure and duration low? I would assume, considering your current time constraints, that higher pressure would be more in line with your goals.

Running “low” pressure, is a theory I am running. I touched on it before when I picked this pressure but…

Originally I ran this as a 15 minute 15HG affair. Got medium edema consistently saw shit temp gains. After tweaking I came to my current setup which is the most I can run and see zero edema. This is up from 8 minutes at 12.5HG so I’ll be running at 11 or 12 minutes soon to see what more I can get. As the look of my post session cock is changing so I possibly may be able to stand greater pressure and duration without fluid buildup.

Any changes to EQ from running this protocol?

Mildly better. With no partners to gauge against I can say nothing for practical application but I can get 45 degree angle hard with seconds of visual stimulation. Which I haven’t seen before.

Do you think these temp gains that you’re referring to with pumping can become more permanent if manuals are performed right after the pump session?

The reason I ask is that I notice if i perform a mildly challenging pump session and do nothing right afterward and just go about my day the edema can be quite pronounced and last an hour or more.

However, I go right into a healthy manual session, whether jelqing, edging or clamping the edema is much less present and normally dissipates in under an hour and my dick has a fuller healthier look.

Still trying to figure out how to make the pump work for permanent growth, and if its contributing to gains at all.

In my case no. I don’t clamp anymore and there are not many non compression ecercise options for engorgement so not something I am looking at now.

BPEL- 9.13”- Stable. Very resistant to trending up. More like 9” flat usually.

MSEG- 6.125”- Very stable. Only trends up during a pumping campaign, which I was in 2 months ago.

BEG- 7.75”- New measurement. Up from 7.36” and it ranges up to 7.875 and down to 7.625”. I pumped a great deal in cylinders that had some effect on base girth for months. This area is the. very bottom of the base and other measurements in the area are smaller.

All measurements taken after 2-3 weeks of no activity and logged in stats database.

Conclusion I can make for now is that an extended Decon break is needed and that if I’m going to get any further I probably need to re-evaluate the action I take and jump in with both feet. Whatever action that may be. I likely will not do PE for the rest of the year unless I go in on an hour a day of full package pumping for testicular enhancement.

Whenever i take a DECON now i try my best to stay off the boards completely. I find the mental recharge as important as the physical.

Not trying to run you off just food for thought :p

My contemplations while I wait to get an appointment to perhaps be seen from an ultrasound are interesting. I understand pragmatically that there may not be much more but I can do given the gains I have seen but that will not stop me from making the best attempt. At this point I am simply deciding what route that consists of and in a way that will not hamper any of my long-term goals as far as Athletics, academics or professional goals.

I will have an answer on 8/22/2019.

In late August of 2009, approximately 8/22 in fact, I bought an X4Labs Gold edition extender with all add-ons for $515 dollars. I don’t know how my path in PE would have been different if I had bought a different device. Or if I had bought it on another day. I do remember taking 3 weeks to mull it over. That I was so focused on possibly creating better erection quality and eliminating my curve that I would do anything. Sex was terrible and I assumed naturally that it was my fault. So, at my wits end I bought the extender and some Pro Solution pills. A year’s supply in fact.

That was my beginning. That was the start of ‘thoughtfulgold’ who was born on the X4 Labs extender forum. I started there, posting tips and tricks on how I used my extender and before I was banned my tips and tricks thread was the most viewed on the forum. But, after banning me the old style of that forum also purged all my posts and ruined the value of any thread I created. But that was my beginning.

I thought hard about creating a separate post for this occasion but really it isn’t something I think every user can benefit from. It would just be a post celebrating the greatness of me. Which, those are best suited for a log in which I reflect on myself and then move on. Which is this one.

What I took away from a decade of pursuing the dream of most men at the base level…is that insecurity is the single most potent driver to do and avoid things that I can think of. Insecurity can kill ambition. Insecurity can kill kindness. Insecurity even can overcome the will to live, because people even commit suicide insecure in themselves more often than any other reason. Insecurity is one of the most powerful forces in the current society that we live in.

What I’ve gained in this journey? Roughly 3 inches in length and 1.75” in girth at the midshaft. It’s a bit over 2” at the base for raw girth gains but that’s immaterial to me honestly. Those are the numbers. I’ve attained probably 3/4” curve correction, which a good deal of it was the removal of a skin tag. So there is that too.

Intangibly, I’ve gained the knowledge that penis size is truly one of the least well-understood things by both men and women. That over 10 years, size studies have shown penis sizes decrease and the FDA OK condom makers to reduce the size of all condoms sold in the US due to failures to fit properly. That really, regardless of your size, everyone doesn’t want the biggest possible penis they can possibly find. Then, I’ve had sex with enough women that I’ve learned even if you fit it doesn’t mean you’re necessarily a comfortable fit for her and that the vagina has finite limits that some women simply do not like hit.

Honestly, if I want to talk about intangibles I have also been through the ringer. I’ve begged for attention, I’ve begged for comparisons to ex boyfriends. I’ve learned pretty much the size of every guy that almost every woman I fucked more than 5x ever had sex with (whether I remember them or not) and I’ve gotten to a point where I truly do not give a flying fuck if I am the biggest someone has had or will ever have. That’s finally off of my priority list. I’ve gotten to a point actually, where if a woman starts guiding the conversation to sex and my penis I get turned off if I haven’t already had a date or sex with her.

Because…over the last ten years I have battled with women objectifying me over my penis. I had to come to grips with the fact that I often courted this behavior, that I set myself up to be seen as nothing but a big cock. Fishing for ego strokes has that side effect and I don’t care what anyone thinks of my size anymore. Not truly. It doesn’t make a difference and it doesn’t change my goals or desires. I had to realize that by placing importance on my penis I basically told these women what to say to me. And now, that I can casually say I have a 9 inch dick…I don’t really want to talk about it with a stranger. I don’t want to sext or cyber about it. I just want to have a nice chat about something that, when we’re done talking about it, we feel like people and not some kind of kink dispensers. I spent a year fishing for ego strokes anonymously. Saw a lot of cock, saw a lot of superfluous and immaterial ego strokes. Really, the only penises bigger than mine were stolen off of the internet. But…the fact that I know this means I know too much about penises and am too willing to reverse search an image to salvage my pride.

I finally am at a place where none of that matters, not even a little bit. I don’t send pictures of my penis anymore. I don’t care what random women think of it. I don’t even want to know what size anyone prefers or has had. After ten years of being stuck in the shadow of horse hung exes and mysterious dildos…I don’t care. If my size is a legitimate concern, too big or too small, I don’t want anything to do with you. I am more interested in good sex, great companionship and a mental matchup that can carry me into the latter stages of my life.

I’ve lost so much time being afraid I don’t measure up to some fictional standard of black men’s penis size. I have lost so many tears to the pain of inadequacy and the fear that came with it. I’ve gained insight into those things as well. You can be socialized to feel you are small, inadequate and useless. You can be taught this very truth (it isn’t true but it can become a defining part of your world as though it is true) and learning how that happened to me helped me recover and create a better version of me as well.

I didn’t know what I would write this year. I knew it was a big deal but I had no idea. Now, it’s ten years and I’m just here. I spent $1600 on a PRP shot only months prior and really it’s just going to show that I don’t have the self-control I should to avoid wasting money when I know better. That is why I’m still at PE. Why I’m trying to order a custom extender from LG Hangar and why I’m still looking at surgery to get even bigger.

I have goals I haven’t yet hit. Goals I want to hit for myself, regardless of how practical or desirable (or not) that they may be. And regardless how big they are and how much I want them I am not ashamed of them. Nor do I need encouragement. I will simply soldier on forward, creating my victory with every step and each breath. I doubt I’ll be at it another 10 years. Or even another 5 years before my patience runs out. But….I have time left here yet.

Time to get even bigger.

The one thing you can take away from this ten years is that nothing is impossible with enough time and determination. That if you believe and you try hard enough you’ll get *something* even if it isn’t what you expected.

I know I did.

Hell yeah.

I aspire to get where you are.

I’m not as tortured by my own sense of inadequacy as I once was, but it’s still there lurking most days.

At least I’m married. I can’t imagine feeling like this while dating.

All of the possible reasons I could feel inadequate and unhappy with myself I can say safely now that my penis size is not on that list. That even if someone does not prefer me the size that I am I don’t really take it personally because if they don’t prefer it then they weren’t for me. As simple as that.

People aren’t so complicated that only one thing will discount you. If they are such a person then I am certain that other factors would have been deal breakers on the list of things that make both of us unique. I learned this by talking to the women that turned me down on size supposedly. Both of them wanted to have sex with more partners at once and felt that I would be a hindrance. And taking it personally when the personality match up simply wasn’t there as well as they supposed size difference from their optimum is truly a caveman’s way of using his hubris to erroneously justify his own sour grapes.

I do mark that two women did not prefer my penis size but that is because they also did not prefer me. That is the take away. For any man at any size.