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Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

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Originally Posted by thoughtfulgold
I will tell you.. This is complex but let me try and explain this. I talk about all of these things in multiple entries. But let’s hit basics.

1. No woman can accurately judge size. Period. This is fact, spatial exercises confirm this via survey.
2. Your size that you want to attain is not something stipulated by your partner. Her signals are only on the outer fringe of important because of rule #3
3. Do not get too big for your partner if you want to be with them longterm. This will limit sex.

There’s no point to living in the shadow of this guy. Period. Keep at it if you want, I guarantee you that you’ll want to get bigger or as she adjusts to your size she’ll say “he was a bit more uncomfortable than this” or some other small, thoughtless remark that she won’t think you’ll really remember that will make you keep at PE for another year or two. Woemn do not understand how this makes us feel and thusly, we can’t rely on them for these judgements. It’s YOUR call. Whether you want to be 7x6 or 9x7 don’t let her give you the idea. Otherwise in the back of your mind you’ll always wonder if she wants bigger. I’ve been there.

But.. If she’s giving you the pained faces and noises, honest to goodness.. Increasing girth is selfish. You have to make a choice. Does hurting her matter more than your goal? Or does reaching your goal matter more than her discomfort?

The fact that she “lived” more than you won’t change. PE won’t change that. It cannot. You can mask your reasons for feeling like “her ex was bigger and more fun” with “she had fun with him and he wasn’t comfortable” and the fact remains both of those things bother you. You can reach for his unknown girth all you want but not only will you never reach it (because it’s UNKNOWN and UNKNOWABLE without measuring the man) you also won’t be able to duplicate the fun they had together.

It’s the chase of a ghost and inadequacy that simply will not die. You are keeping it alive by not letting what she did with other men rest. You won’t lay it to rest with 5.5” girth. You won’t lay it to rest by sleeping around. You won’t lay it to rest unless you realize none of that stuff matters anymore. That the past has in fact moved into the review and she picked you for her entire future. Therapy won’t get you there, neither will medication. YOU have to make the decision that the things she has done and with who back in the day.aren’t important anymore.

You can’t make that distinction, you will be chasing ghosts indefinitely. I know. I’ve been there.

She doesn’t make pained sounds often, sometimes she’ll say “too deep”, but other than that there hasn’t been much complaint other than the occasional “are you flexing?”
I just don’t know how to do it, I want to let go, I want to stop this nonsense and give her the non judgmental love she deserves.

So based on that spatial exercise point you made, her saying he was “huge” probably isn’t as huge as I’m imagining?

She says she won’t have threesomes with me because she loves me and didn’t love him (they were just friends with benefits for two years, never were a couple).
I try to take that as a positive, but I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. Which really sucks, especially because I know my relationship with her is far more fun and valuable than having a threesome.

I can think logically all I want, but for some reason I can’t get it to stick, I can’t get it to effect my emotions and allow me to drop it.

I want to let go of her past more than anything in this world.

I know her past isn’t important.
It shouldn’t matter
Her exes don’t matter
She’s with me, and chose me, so I “won”.
I pleasure her on a level she says she’s never experienced before

So I can’t figure out why I’m so insecure.

Originally Posted by MisterW
Not adding anything to TG’s great responses because he’s coverd all ground, but I’ll say this:
The above sentence is an excuse. Stop doing that. Stop excusing yourself from yourself by saying that nothing is getting at your core problem, or that you’re lost, or that your logic is not controlling your emotions and therefore you’re helpless.

That’s not problem solving. That’s self-comforting into a position that’s offering you a way out, so to speak, without dealing with the issue.

TG’s elaborated very well why your problem, as real is it is and as difficult as I imagine it being, is a perceived one.
You’re in charge, you’re in control, you’ve all the aces up your sleeve. Dude, she said ‘ow are you flexing?’ so CLEARLY she feels the little size increase from kegels well enough. Your size is fine. Your lady is happy. Accept the bright side, it’s a not bad place to be.

Or, to put it different, look at this way: Mr. Previous is wondering why his ‘big’ member didn’t keep his GF. He’ll feel inadequate. With the difference that he actually ‘lost’ the lady, and you ‘won’ her. See who’s on top here? No pun intended.

Sorry if this is a bit harsh but I understand from your wording you’re having treatment? Have the cards-on-table chat with your therapist. Repeat the advice TG gave you. Let’s see what your counselor make of it.

I’ve picked up girls from guys younger, older, richer, fitter, probably way bigger. I’ve failed due to guys uglier, more stupid, way poorer, less fit, IQ of a banana. At the end of the day, you’ve the prize now. Enjoy it. And work on your problem (perception), not symptom (size). Get back to size work once you have a good reason to.

I know the problem is me, so I try to keep it within myself and not burden her and question her like a crazy person anymore.
When I was asking question after question it was pushing her away.

She’s accepted and moved on with her past, why haven’t I?

As I said, I know this is me. I desperately want to fix it. I try to speak properly with cognitive behavioral therapy tactics, every day I read a list of positive affirmations and things about how I want to be.
This is just the lowest point I’ve dealt with and I literally would never forgive myself if we split because I couldn’t look at her the same ever again.

I’m looking for a new therapist, I’ve got PTSD, anxiety, OCD and retroactive jealousy.
I want to try this therapy called EMDR which helps a lot with PTSD (which is what my therapists say this is stemming from a lot).
Without too much detail, there is a lot of things I know about my parents, that are triggers to my ptsd because my girlfriend reminds me of those things.

This isn’t just “her” though, it’s me, and it would appear in every relationship I ever have until I get it under control, so I might as well stay with the woman I love so much.
Even if her past wasn’t as experienced as it is, I’d find something to obsess on.

Originally Posted by Wanting7x6
She doesn’t make pained sounds often, sometimes she’ll say “too deep”, but other than that there hasn’t been much complaint other than the occasional “are you flexing?”
I just don’t know how to do it, I want to let go, I want to stop this nonsense and give her the non judgmental love she deserves.

So based on that spatial exercise point you made, her saying he was “huge” probably isn’t as huge as I’m imagining?

She says she won’t have threesomes with me because she loves me and didn’t love him (they were just friends with benefits for two years, never were a couple).
I try to take that as a positive, but I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out. Which really sucks, especially because I know my relationship with her is far more fun and valuable than having a threesome.

I can think logically all I want, but for some reason I can’t get it to stick, I can’t get it to effect my emotions and allow me to drop it.

I want to let go of her past more than anything in this world.

I know her past isn’t important.
It shouldn’t matter
Her exes don’t matter
She’s with me, and chose me, so I “won”.
I pleasure her on a level she says she’s never experienced before

So I can’t figure out why I’m so insecure.

Do you want her to make pained sounds often? What are you trying to do here? Be honest. The reason that she gives mixed signals is because sex is going to be dynamic and different every single time. My question now is do you want to be bigger than she’s comfortable with? Yes or no? I am not here to judge. Because I’ve gone through this journey and answered this question honestly. The time is here for you to answer it. What is it you want out of PE? To be bigger than she’s comfortable with? Because “chasing the size of her ex” is “bigger than she’s comfortable with” flat out.

It can’t be as huge as you’re imagining. She can barely fit you. How much bigger do you think she’d take without just not enjoying it? Of course she’ll say “he was huge” because he hurt! That’s what that means to a woman. Huge means too big to fit comfortably. Period.

You are jealous of the experiences she had. That’s a thing that is what it is. If you can’t pursuade her to do threesomes with you and she says she did it because she didn't love him then what exactly do you want? I mean you have to talk to her about your feelings about threesomes. I can’t resolve that for you. But if she doesn’t want to do it because she’s happily monogamous to you then what does that say about every single other dick she took two at a time?

It says they don’t matter as much as you do to her, even put together. Period.

You’re insecure for other reasons. I don’t know what they are. I know you want to have a threesome. But I can’t make those things in your mind go away. She’s not the reason you’re insecure. She loves you and fits you like a glove. You want to find a reason for it to be her fault and honestly…either you’re intimidated by her past that doesn’t matter. Or you wanted to sow wild oats but not lose this woman.

I’m no therapist but I think your issues are manifesting in size insecurity based on your desire to have more experiences. *shrugs* I’m sorry you’re unhappy but until you sit down with you, yourself and a mirror in a quiet room and just think about it…you won’t know for sure and you’ll do PE and fret about her past till you have gray hair and are bald as a cue ball. When there’s nothing to fret about.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

Originally Posted by thoughtfulgold
Do you want her to make pained sounds often? What are you trying to do here? Be honest. The reason that she gives mixed signals is because sex is going to be dynamic and different every single time. My question now is do you want to be bigger than she’s comfortable with? Yes or no? I am not here to judge. Because I’ve gone through this journey and answered this question honestly. The time is here for you to answer it. What is it you want out of PE? To be bigger than she’s comfortable with? Because “chasing the size of her ex” is “bigger than she’s comfortable with” flat out.

It can’t be as huge as you’re imagining. She can barely fit you. How much bigger do you think she’d take without just not enjoying it? Of course she’ll say “he was huge” because he hurt! That’s what that means to a woman. Huge means too big to fit comfortably. Period.

You are jealous of the experiences she had. That’s a thing that is what it is. If you can’t pursuade her to do threesomes with you and she says she did it because she didn't love him then what exactly do you want? I mean you have to talk to her about your feelings about threesomes. I can’t resolve that for you. But if she doesn’t want to do it because she’s happily monogamous to you then what does that say about every single other dick she took two at a time?

It says they don’t matter as much as you do to her, even put together. Period.

You’re insecure for other reasons. I don’t know what they are. I know you want to have a threesome. But I can’t make those things in your mind go away. She’s not the reason you’re insecure. She loves you and fits you like a glove. You want to find a reason for it to be her fault and honestly.. Either you’re intimidated by her past that doesn’t matter. Or you wanted to sow wild oats but not lose this woman.

I’m no therapist but I think your issues are manifesting in size insecurity based on your desire to have more experiences. *Shrugs* I’m sorry you’re unhappy but until you sit down with you, yourself and a mirror in a quiet room and just think about it.. You won’t know for sure and you’ll do PE and fret about her past till you have gray hair and are bald as a cue ball. When there’s nothing to fret about.

She only had one threesome with two guys, but that’s besides the point.
To answer your question, No. I honestly don’t want to get too big for her, I just want to be a little bit bigger.

I agree that she’s not the reason I’m insecure, you’re spot on about that.
This could stem from growing up and having my father being super insecure about things that happened between him and my mother.
I am intimidated by her past, I know she’s slept with a good amount of people and has had sexual experiences I’m jealous of, but I also know there’s nothing I can do about her past, so that’s what’s irritating me. I am choosing to let go, telling myself to not care, and to be present, but nothings happening.

I was super judgmental of drugs, but I tried MDMA with her at a festival and I stopped judging her for it.
That’s why I feel if she had a threesome with me I’d stop caring because I’d understand the experience and see it’s not this insanely great “magical experience!”
But I also know it could ruin the relationship because she couldn’t handle having me have sex with another girl, regardless if she’s partaking or not.

I would rather keep this woman as my girlfriend than have a threesome, I’d rather get over my issues and keep her in my life than have to leave.
Maybe I’m on the right track but it’s all just hitting me really hard and I’m expecting overnight change in my mind.

My therapist says he thinks over time I’ll just care less and will “grow out” of this.

I can’t say that you will or won’t grow out of this. I can say that PE at a time like this is a poor choice because comparing to someone who isn’t here now is going to make you grow indefinitely, till you blow them out of the water. I have done that. It was not a good way to go about PE.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

Originally Posted by thoughtfulgold
I can’t say that you will or won’t grow out of this. I can say that PE at a time like this is a poor choice because comparing to someone who isn’t here now is going to make you grow indefinitely, till you blow them out of the water. I have done that. It was not a good way to go about PE.

I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to ruin my sex with her because of a size obsession. It was bad at one point, I’d measure multiple times a day hoping for gains.
I now only measure once a month, and I’ve stopped caring about the size of her ex for the most part. It still sucks knowing she’s had bigger (regardless if it wasn’t always comfortable).

I hope I grow out of this, or else my entire life (I’m 21) is going to be pretty difficult.

I really appreciate you talking with me, it means a lot.

TG's Warning

Originally Posted by Wanting7x6
I don’t want to do that, I don’t want to ruin my sex with her because of a size obsession. It was bad at one point, I’d measure multiple times a day hoping for gains.
I now only measure once a month, and I’ve stopped caring about the size of her ex for the most part. It still sucks knowing she’s had bigger (regardless if it wasn’t always comfortable).

I hope I grow out of this, or else my entire life (I’m 21) is going to be pretty difficult.

I really appreciate you talking with me, it means a lot.

It took me years to find a way out of that hole. I ended up getting to a somewhat absurd size and continuing PE as a result, because my perceptions changed. Many men on this site envy me for the gains but…they came in the shadow of the same pain you feel daily until I did something about it.

Now I am here, warning others. That getting bigger to overshadow an ex you’ll never meet or measure is impossible. You’ll just get really big and still feel small. It happened to me for years until I snapped out of it. My life was difficult for about 7 years. Now it’s not difficult but it’s different due to the choices I’ve made. It could happen to you.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

Originally Posted by Wanting7x6

I hope I grow out of this, or else my entire life (I’m 21) is going to be pretty difficult.

You will. One day you’ll wake up and not believe how few fucks you have to give anymore. That is the best part of growing up, IMO. It is very liberating.

But it is a journey. That you know you’re acting improperly is the first step. Learning to deal with stresses, whether through meditation, therapy, changing the subject in your mind, or whatever is the next step. After a while those stresses disappear because you deal with them so quickly you don’t even realize they were there.

Starting Stats: BPEL 5.5" EG 4.4" -- Current: BPEL 6.9" EG 4.95" -- Short Term Goal BPEL 7", EG 5.25" -- Ultimate Goal : BPEL 7.5" EG 5.75"

Originally Posted by Ddiggity
You will. One day you’ll wake up and not believe how few fucks you have to give anymore.

Very true!

IPR Update- Attempt 3 or 4 at end of week #2

Session Notes

Lightweight stretching and edging warmup for 20 minutes or so.

2 sets of clamping with 3 clamps each for 5 minutes.
1 set at max erection
1 set at max erection with as many erect bends as I could stand, 4 or 5 or so.
Intermixed heavy stretching
Erect bends without clamping, 4 or 5 or so of those.

Total PE time with cooldowns and edging productively, about an hour. Average PIs after cooldown. Erection ability after heavy edging session and workout is normal, low but no damage or pain.

Other thoughts

This session was a bit lighter than the other but feels about as productive. I locked the ruler up but I think the same trend of temporary gains is true here. Ruler won’t be back till after Valentine’s Day. This is the second week of my attempt at IPR and going up till Valentine’s Day or so will give me a full 6 weeks at it. After which I’m going to pretty much cold turkey PE for the R-Phase as it should be and edge as it amuses me only, and lightly stretch absently as I tend to from time to time.

As it stands, so far I feel positively about the IPR system and the Cable Cuffs I’m using to inflict the damage required. I may step Clamping time up and also add a 3rd session back this coming week. I have 3 days to weigh this. I also see why xeno in his notes never actually gives hard advice on what a routine should be for a person. It really is a thing you have to feel out on your own. His guidelines can’t be “One Size Fits All” as heavy trauma usage like this varies too widely to know what would be effective, dangerous or useless for each PE practicioner who asks.

If you can’t read PIs, haven’t gotten gains before and learned patience with PE then IPR probably will just be a faster way to get hurt. This is my conclusion.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

Edging...

A tip for those who do it. Limit it to 4 hours in 2 days. And try not to include sex as eventually you’ll get negative PI and low spirits as a result.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

Originally Posted by thoughtfulgold
A tip for those who do it. Limit it to 4 hours in 2 days. And try not to include sex as eventually you’ll get negative PI and low spirits as a result.

So are you saying I shouldn’t imagine having sex while edging? That’s one of my favorite parts. I can see it becoming a problem, though. I could get so used to the fantasies and self pleasuring that I won’t even care to pursue women anymore, causing me to become lonely and depressed. I guess it’s something to really think about?

Start 11/20/16 ====> 5.75" BPEL/ 4.5" EG. 1/19/17====> 6.625" BPEL/ 4.75" EG. 11/24/17====> 6.75" BPEL/ 4.75" EG.

Glad to be here.and making progress! :jelq: Check it out at: This is your life: My cock in pictures.

New Here? This is a great place to start.====>START HERE -----> NEWBIE ROUTINE <----- Important Newbie Info

Originally Posted by James N
So are you saying I shouldn’t imagine having sex while edging? That’s one of my favorite parts. I can see it becoming a problem, though. I could get so used to the fantasies and self pleasuring that I won’t even care to pursue women anymore, causing me to become lonely and depressed. I guess it’s something to really think about?

Careful with your fantasy fuel. That’s my best tip for you. Also, I live with my lady at this point. Sex is also a factor to fatigue me and long edging while she’s passed out is a poor choice as well.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

Originally Posted by thoughtfulgold
Careful with your fantasy fuel. That’s my best tip for you. Also, I live with my lady at this point. Sex is also a factor to fatigue me and long edging while she’s passed out is a poor choice as well.

Edging to me is nearly as good as sex, especially with the fantasies and that scares me. I still want real sex of course, but can see this becoming a dark and dangerous road that I don’t want to go down.

Another thing, edging has become such the norm for me that I haven’t ejaculated in nearly two months. I seem to have developed a fear of this happening. I’m afraid to go back to the blue ball torture I had when I first started. I also think it could effect me in the bedroom? I feel that if I do ejaculate, I have failed in everything I’m doing here. On the other hand I fear of disappointing a woman by her thinking she hasn’t pleased me, because my fear of blowing a load carries on into the bedroom. I really don’t know what to do?

Start 11/20/16 ====> 5.75" BPEL/ 4.5" EG. 1/19/17====> 6.625" BPEL/ 4.75" EG. 11/24/17====> 6.75" BPEL/ 4.75" EG.

Glad to be here.and making progress! :jelq: Check it out at: This is your life: My cock in pictures.

New Here? This is a great place to start.====>START HERE -----> NEWBIE ROUTINE <----- Important Newbie Info

Originally Posted by James N
Edging to me is nearly as good as sex, especially with the fantasies and that scares me. I still want real sex of course, but can see this becoming a dark and dangerous road that I don’t want to go down.

Another thing, edging has become such the norm for me that I haven’t ejaculated in nearly two months. I seem to have developed a fear of this happening. I’m afraid to go back to the blue ball torture I had when I first started. I also think it could effect me in the bedroom? I feel that if I do ejaculate, I have failed in everything I’m doing here. On the other hand I fear of disappointing a woman by her thinking she hasn’t pleased me, because my fear of blowing a load carries on into the bedroom. I really don’t know what to do?

Don’t think too hard. The vagina and mouth still eclipse the hand. I doubt you’ll have trouble getting off with a woman if you haven’t in the past.

Now: 9" BPEL x 6.25" MSEG as of 11/10/2019 This is my story, a few progress pics of me here, and all my methods.

Then: 6.25" x 4.37" in 8/2009 Are you new to PE? Here's some advice I wish someone had given me when I first started.

My Extender and forward to 10" and balls enhancement project. There is no "Holy Grail" of Penis Enlargement. Only time and effort works. I'm *10* years in and counting. All you have to do is put the work in and keep the faith.

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