Reflections and Progress: thoughtfulgold

Last night, after a long session with the girlfriend, she got me to orgasm and I was suitably drained and tired. Morning wood came though, which is unusual for me, and the entire morning into the afternoon had me hanging quite nicely. After deciding to edge and stretch a bit, I measured the Glans, MSEG and Length. As this isn’t an official measurement post I change nothing as the time hasn’t passed enough for another measurement. However, today sees me at:

Glans-2” width (length is still over 1.75” but under 2”)
MSEG= 6.125 (no real changes. Feels solid right around 6-6.125”)
BPEL= 9” (Not the first time I’ve seen this but it has been coming around more and more often as a common fluctuation.)

These are unofficial. I just felt the newbie ruler reflex when I was really feeling myself and feeling bigger so…I did it. It’s poor technique but…heck, I’m human. I do this too. Sometimes the ruler anxiety wins. You can’t win em all.

Lately all I’ve been able to manage is my Lightweight Stretching Routine. Girlfriend is constantly at my house and the benefit of having her over far outweighs PE levels of privacy.

Though I may breach the topic with her. She’s really special and quite a gem. I know she’ll understand.

I don’t know if I want to do it in front of her but she may wait till I’m ready for her and be more polite about my time. Gains I’m unsure if they’re coming but PIs have been the usual plus enjoying sex.

All is well for now.

I’ll probably write a pumping theory piece for the layperson and beginner this week. See how well I can cobble my thoughts together.

Talk to her, if she’s the one she will understand and support

I did, last night in fact. She understood. Lit up. Told her a bit of my journey, outlined some of my issues. All was as well as predicted.

Still, good call Dvdck.

Official December measuring day! From Measuring day November

I’ve been mostly lightweight stretching this month. The new girlfriend has eaten into my PE time and until I clean out a bedroom so that I can properly get privacy for PE I’m pretty well not getting the pumping and clamping portions done. My experiment is suffering as a result but…I stretch regularly still and the positive effects of a good sexual relationship and porn detox into the 5th week are showing.

BPEL=9” (+.125”) It’s been coming by more and more. I’m going to claim it here and update my signature but likely after that, I won’t update my signature regardless of gains. I figure it’s better to be sensitive when others have issues or are trying to reach their goals and I don’t want my signature to detract from my advice.

MSEG=6” (-.125”) I haven’t been clamping and pumping much outside of the first two weeks of the experiment. The relationship swung into higher gear and I wasn’t able to hang onto the girth gains with just stretches. Just didn’t happen like that and until I can get into a routine where I can get my devices back into the mix I may not be able to cement gains further than 6” MSEG. This I knew was possible but…*shrugs* Ah well. I’ll worry more about it in the new year sometime.

My advice still stands.
Never let PE take away from your relationship and sex life. And I live by that.
This color is different from the above…does that mean there is both gold and orange?(TG has a random moment of non-sequitur)

In closing, the numbers are nice and round to end the year with. Honestly very fair gains thus far given how much I’ve gained already. Stay tuned for the logs in the future if you’re watching my gains. My signature will probably freeze here because I don’t post here to brag. I don’t think that’s what I should be doing and I don’t want to make anyone more uncomfortable than I need to. I mean I’ll wrestle with any updates past 9x6” in my signature, at this point I doubt I’ll put them in.

Thanks for reading.

9!

You’ve hit a milestone! Well done. I’m happy for you.

I’ve flirted with 9” for at least 2 years. Today, at the time of this measurement was 80-85% erect, I had already orgasmed the night before and the house wasn’t exactly warm (cuz it’s freakin’ winter, something you Texans don’t understand *smirks*) and now…it’s here. Still can barely believe it.

Girth, getting past 6” MSEG is tricky. My malformed CC is part of it, then the private time and motivation to pump and clamp is the other half. I figure I’ll just keep stretching and decon for another month off of the pumping and clamping till I can get some space for it or…I’m comfortable enough to do it while she’s here. Whichever. Cuz that’s a distinct possibility as well. The 6” seems solid enough so that’s what will stay in my signature. Leave it at that.

The numbers are nice, round and the numbers I dreamed of when I first put my goals into numbers like 6 years ago. Cuz the first year of PE I didn’t even bother setting a goal. “Bigger” sufficed.

Thank you very much, BBF.

TG

Congratulations on your milestone! Like you, I have no set goals as a newbie, except for bigger. I’m not willing to make any numerical goal yet until I have the proof it’s working and my gains are stable. Your testimonial, gives me hope that anything is possible.

Thanks!

Everything is possible, James. It is simply a matter of how much you want it and how far you are willing to go to get it.

Great gains! Are you not going to update your signature because you fear people wI’ll start to doubt your gains? I’ve seen a couple big gainers say something along those lines before. It’s always the guys who’ve been at it for 4+ years that inspire me the most. Nothing says dedication like investing years into something you want to achieve.

Thank you for the compliment. It’s a long time coming, believe it.

I’m not going to update my signature because I’m not here to brag or intimidate. Fact is, you could think I have the same cock from 7 years ago and I wouldn’t care. I coach guys, I give tips. Many men have benefited from that and this is my purpose here. I keep on trying. I want to spread the knowledge.

Updating my signature while inspirational to some is not something everyone wants to see. I know how I used to be when I browsed forums years ago. How intimidating it is. And it may subtract from my purpose to help as many men as I can. I know what I have and what I’m building.

And I’ll keep talking about it here in my log, for those interested in my actual progress. Because PE is only a small part of me as an evolving man. Those interested in evolution past being controlled by the ego…or who have already made it will understand what I’m saying. Those stuck on numbers are unlikely to dig through 12 pages and more to keep track of my numbers and can idolize some of the other big gainers here. I just want to help. Not puff my ego up. Ego puffing isn’t a bad thing. Some see this differently and this is why I’m taking this stance here.

I think I have patted myself on the back enough and do not seek further validation with a signature with ever bigger numbers. The numbers do show progression over a long time with a lot effort which is what I teach. They do not need to keep going up for me to embody this.

Those are my thoughts now. Perhaps they will change but this is my thinking now, at 9x6” at the end of 2016.

Overthinking out loud…
Do you think that you should overshoot your target a bit as a precaution when cementing? I’d totally be crushed if I came back after 6 months off & only had 8 3/4 BPEL (I shudder to even think it…). Another reason I want to overshoot my final target because my measurements are with the ruler pressed hard near the PONR. My plain old erect state is at least .25 less & I want to be an “easy” 8 or whatever.

I know the round numbers are just an idealized target to aim at, but their psychological value is real, at least to me. That ruler is like a picture frame for viewing my progress. Even when I don’t see new growth, I remember to admire all the new material sitting between my first & last measurements.

Also, congratulations on hitting such an overambitious goal. Do keep us in the loop on your stats in your training log. I’m less intimidated than inspired at seeing what is possible if I stick with it. I came in hoping for maybe an inch more & a little girth. But if you can hit monster status from less than I started with & learning everything the hard way, I have no excuse not to aim higher.

I have speculated that overshooting your goal has value. However, it doesn’t by my own thinking.

Say I set my goal at 9 and wanted 9.25 to be sure I was 9 at the end. I get there. Now, I have loss from 9.25 after 6 months.

Now, I’m just as devastated as if I lost from 9 instead. Seems to me what is a good idea is to get to a point and let go of goals. I no longer have a goal per se. Just moving forward and appreciating my reflection in the mirror.

I’ll keep all my progress and routines here. As well as what I come across. The girlfriend is mastering throating me to an impossible level (which is crazy) and that is interesting as well. But this is my log and I’ll keep it updated while I’m here on Thunders.

You can do everything you want to. If you truly desire it, it will come. Keep the faith.

So, I’ve wrestled with EQ issues, especially duration and immediate flagging of erection after losing stimulation. This has been a problem that has plagued me for my entire sexual life, life period pretty much. The question becomes what caused this and when? I have pondered on this long and hard, pun intended. And, through different parts of my life it appeared to be different reasons. For the years before the age 17 it was more about hiding my erection or feeling that it was unnatural. Without any guidance I thought that an erect penis meant something was wrong. I just didn’t want people to see it. This was long before any size anxiety existed in my heart.

After the age of 17 I felt as though it was too small, in my community everyone was claiming 8 and 9 inches and that is not an exaggeration. It is what they said (not like anyone whipped out any penises to prove it). I used to get ribbed in study hall, I wore underwear under my trunks in swimming and would go home without showering because it was my last period. Just to avoid the locker room. My first girlfriend was out of state just because I didn’t want worried about the size of my penis to get back to anyone I knew in case sex was a complete flop. I drove two and a half hours to Pittsburgh Pennsylvania on a regular basis just to get laid. Not counting the fact that sex was in fact a complete flop for 3 consecutive months beginning the relationship, then it never got really good.

I found PE and I found more confidence. But by now I’m used to poor erection quality and it just doesn’t seem to get better. Or it didn’t. Now, it seems like it is getting better. I have found more calm and relaxation will a partner that is less demanding.

This makes sense. The people who have experienced severe ED that sounds similar to my own are all in solid, mostly happy long-term relationships or married and the advice they gave was simple: cut out porn, work on your confidence, look into natural and less powerful medications than Viagra. I have been porn free for roughly 5 weeks. Last night I got a full erection with no medication (though I’m saving up for a few suggestions from Amazon given by another user here). I orgasmed and got an erection, a good one, that morning only 6 hours later with a relatively small amount of stimulation. I can’t name the last time that happened, especially both of those things in tandem.

That tells me that what I’m experiencing can be worked through. That the person I’m with is a good choice to work through those things with. She’s as happy as I am that I didn’t have to take any medicine (Viagra) for sex last night (as it happens, I haven’t taken any in a week but we haven’t had time for sex due to other issues and work). This points to progress and pretty much without a routine, aside from idle kegeling that I’ve been doing off and on. Up to around 50 in a set just randomly. 1-3 second holds.

I am doing better. I mean I researched the options and really, a healthy mind and patience is always best. In closing…

Porn is so fucking toxic.

Here on thundersplace the question is always what is "too big" and is it practical, to get there or usable when you get to that point? I have read a plethora of posts in several different size related threads (Big Girth - The Downside and 8" x 6" and not happy?? to name a few) and there is no clear answer. Nor should there be. The answer is subjective at best, based on personal experiences and personal value judgments. I speak on this from my own perspective of having reached a somewhat troublesome size and still continuing penis enlargement.

At this point in the post I’m obligated to tell you that the rest of this is opinion. That this is simply how I feel at the moment that I wrote this. As I do occasionally write some material in a somewhat factual manner for reference purposes but this is not that sort of thing.

When I started penis enhancement it was about fixing up my curve and creating better erection quality. It wasn’t until after I saw verifiable games and my partner had some trouble with my size compared to before that I realized I had gotten larger. Allow me to underline that I had no faith in PE being able to make me any bigger. It simply was hogwash as far as I was concerned so when that actually happened I was dumbstruck. I took my measurements at the start because I felt I should not because I expected any change so after 18 months seeing change was a big surprise and that’s also why I don’t have a chart or pattern for the first gains I got. I took a measurement at the beginning, played around with an extender for a year-and-a-half then it ended up with gains of 1.3" BPEL and .75" MSEG.

The minor changes that this netted me in my actual erection during intercourse (EQ during sex was horrendous still) were still enough for me to be happy. Now, I wanted to be bigger and see her struggle more and more often also. At the size that I was then, roughly 7.5x5" after those first gains, I was not exactly struggle material but she did. I suspect more was going on with her below the belt then she let on but she carried on with the idea that she enjoyed sex so we kept at it. I carried the fantasy of being too large to comfortably be taken in my mind (straight out of porn, of course. Thanks Mandingo and Shane Diesel) and thusly causing her to struggle. This fantasy would be realized for roughly 2 minutes out of 30 or 40 that we will perform intercourse. After the 2-minute window would elapse will basically be thrusting into warm oatmeal. This became intolerable over time and I’m unsure if the sex was really bad or I just wanted more friction that she physically couldn’t have provided. I suspect the sex was subpar as none after that was quite to such a low level but with this being said we were both basically virgins. She had penetrative intercourse exactly one time before meeting me, which made her so much more experienced obviously. I did end up with a complex over this as he was thicker than I was, to the size of a small V8 can or toilet paper roll but I was longer than he was. Additionally, the struggling that she would do for me indicated my length was the problem. She actually banned me from missionary before the relationship ended because I went too deep. An ego stroke I savored a long time.

After that, I would go to partners like toilet paper. Fishing for compliments, trying to gather size data informally, all the hallmarks of somebody with no confidence. Because I was looking for the fantasy of being "too big" for her. Making her struggle. I found vindication from time to time with increasing frequency as I got bigger. As an aside, a trend I noticed during my growth pattern was that I was the longest most of my partners had experienced up until my girth reached around 5.6 mid shaft. At that time despite being in the low 8-inch range in length I would get more comments on girth then length. A few I would have been the biggest that they had in any context but it became girth period around 2 years ago or so.

Where does that leave me now? What does this mean for my goals and my journey?

Nowhere. Exactly nowhere.

When you are obsessed about something and you fish for compliments you end up realizing something. No one else really cares. All of the comments and compliments may have been legitimate but, because I had fished for them, they were worthless. Absolutely worthless.

This pushed me to find a way to force them to recognize the value of my size. I have never been a fan of rough sex but I had to learn. This was the only way I would get actual vindication, recognition, an actual reaction that I had not prompted. Over the years up until this point I have flirted with some sex that had left them too sore to continue or with them bleeding. Those things were incidental. However, those things were the events that actually got the most heartfelt remarks from any of them. The correlation between the two things was drawn and so I went on a mission to make them feel it more than I ever had.

This was arguably the darkest time in my sexual life. I was at my most selfish, least considerate and truly unable to understand how destructive a mentality like this actually was. I fully intended on using my penis like a weapon. And I did. This was how I would find what I was looking for. And it worked. I had created a cock that in fact was a wrecking ball upon the pussies I found. Some bled. All were vocal. Every single one struggled. As I got bigger I liked the idea of stretching out a woman more than she ever had been, of ruining her for other men. I was finally wrapped in and almost living out my fantasy completely. But something was missing. These women were of poor character, promiscuous and had no regard for me as a person as I am still a more than decent guy outside the bedroom.

Then I met my ex. Her and I parted ways amiably and the sex was great. She was completely okay with basically being a sexual punching bag and we fit together tight enough then she struggled pretty much all the time and tore more often than not. She actually helped me reach the point that I’m at now, physically, with all of the encouragement and the legitimate ego strokes that actually helped me understand where the hell my size was versus all the things that I would fight with in the mirror and inside my head. She literally could feel when I got bigger, she would stretch more or tear sooner. After a point, less of my cock would fit in her mouth and vagina due to girth. The relationship would last 3 years off and on as she would counsel me in her own way on my validation needs while still being completely compliant as far as my sexual needs. It helps that she was masochistic enough to enjoy how I liked having sex at that time but she underlined just how selfish I was and helped me come back from that dark place to be a wonderful and considerate lover again. We parted ways earlier this year in what seems like a pretty final context. We loved each other and we found that we couldn’t be together and so we mutually parted ways. But she gave me something that I could not have found on my own. The ability to understand how far I have come from objective female perspective with the patience to actually be able to explain it and the ability with measurements to actually verify what it was that she was saying.

In that relationship I probably went from 8.25x5.5 to 8.75x5.875" over the course of the three year span. I fluctuate a lot but that was about where I started when I met her. Thanks to her encouragement I gained more than just size though. That’s the kicker. Even while I was basically destroying her vagina every time we had sex.

It is a hard road to search for validation in the vaginas of strange promiscuous women. I would wish no man such a dark path. I did things that I wouldn’t do again. That is the best way for me to describe it.

Where does that leave me now? What is this fantasy? Does it still have any bearing? Why am I still at PE?

I’ve done a lot of soul-searching to understand exactly why I’m still here. I can say that a large part of why I’m on thundersplace is to help men get to where I wanted to go and so that they don’t make these mistakes the way that I did on the way there. And I mean both in conduct and mentality then in avoiding rash and frequent PE purchases.

The two greatest facts that I have learned on this journey:

1. Validation is not found at the bottom of the vagina.
2. No amount of PE will make the confidence, soul or strength inside of you any bigger.

The answer to both of those is intrinsic. Chasing a fantasy will grant you neither.

The answer to why I still do PE is simple: I like having a big dick.

That is all that it needs to be. No complex meaning of my life or value is to be found inside my penis. That’s the secret to productive PE, a great sex life and the ability to find self-actualization.